Just continuing on with the problems with where I live. I’ve met a cool girl (finally) and I really have been trying to get things going with her. But alas it seems she doesn’t want a relationship right now. I don’t think it’s any problem with me, but she is just not interested. She keeps me at a distance even though she wants to still be friends. I have a real hard time meeting people in this small town. There is another person I’m looking at but after her I can’t think of who else I might want to date potentially. My lack of social life is driving me insane.
I’m much better than before, i’m not depressed or anything. But this weekend is feeling especially boring and lonely so i just thought I’d vent my feelings.
When I met my wife I really really (genuinely) did not want to be in a relationship at the time, but I fell for her anyway. “I don’t want a relationship now” means “I don’t want a relationship with YOU right now.” Sorry, but it’s better to rip the band-aid off quickly :).
If you’re under 30, try going back to school, even if you already have a degree. I go to community college part time and the place is crawling with eligible hotties, most on the lookout. I would be in heaven there if I was single.
I don’t think I should have to go back to school to meet someone…is this what things have come to? I mean jesus I have a stable job! I have my health, I’m young, I’m emotionally stable! Physically I think I am OK, not a 10 perhaps but I’m not obese or anything. What do women want anyways?
But i digress, it’s not all about me. I tried hard to be selfless, I invited her out when she was feeling lonely. Offered to buy her drinks and supper (even though she refused). Fuck.
I think I need to become more charming and suave. Maybe that will be my goal for the rest of this year.
My neighbor seems to have had a lot of success with one of the online matchmaking services. I don’t want to give a plug, but given the ubiquitous nature of their ads, you can probably figure out which one. It’s been quite a relief, since she was annoying me thoroughly until she started getting busy with her online hookups.
Is it so bad? I think school is awesome. I plan on attending on and off for the rest of my life. No matter what your interests are to a reasonable extent, you can find classes that interest you.
Meh. You will always find people who aren’t into you for reasons that you have very little control over. Maybe you remind her of an ex who she detests, or maybe she’s going through depression and doesn’t want to date anyone until her meds stabiliize, or maybe she just met the guy who’s right for her and she wants to focus on him.
This is a numbers game. You just have to keep meeting women until you find one that clicks with you. That’s why Quasi suggested going back to school. If you’re doing a major that you’re interested in, chances increase that you will run into a woman who you have a lot in common with. Or you could join a club or a church or something. It’s just about meeting people.
My two cents anyway. I don’t know you personally, so perhaps your situation is different. But this has been my experience generally. Take it for what it’s worth.
I was in the engineering field for my whole life. It is not a place to meet women. I found a few when I joined a ski club. The club had a lot of my interests. We were in good softball leagues, bowling leagues, golf leagues and there were a lot of parties. There was also skiing.
<looking down front of pants> Yup, female and qualified to answer…
Honesty, trust,
someone who is comfortable to be with [great god, if you like sports, and I am happy to let you watch sports while I curl up with a good book or a computer game, DONT FUCKING BADGER ME TO ACTUALLY WATCH THE GAME. Im content to pass time with you in the same room…]
laughter is good [a common type of humor. Not I like the subtle humor of Eureka, Monk and Psych and you only like the wierd obscenity based humor of Benny Hill and the wierd guy with the puppets that everyone seems to like right now but I cant think of his name … but something we both like to laugh with. Someone who seems to be locked into 12 year old male obscene jokes is not what most women are looking for]
respect. If i need to have private space and time, let me have it without accusing me of fucking around. People need to have alone time, or time without the SO, whether it is actually alone doing something or going out with a friend without you. Not everybody fucks around, and not everybody needs to have an identical set of friends, you like to do an occasional night out with the guys, I need an occasional night out with the gals, except nowdays it is ok to have nonfuckbuddies of the opposite sex. I can hang out with a guy without letting him get into my pants …
*Note. Do not actually get puppy unless you are committed to a lifetime (er, the dog’s lifetime) with said puppy-to-be-dog, and all that comes with it.
Dude, hit the bars. I know you’re probably thinking that the kind of girls you want to date don’t go to bars, but in the kind of place where you live, it’s the only thing anyone has to do so they go.
Also, co-ed sports like mentioned upthread. The summer softball leagues are great for opportunities.
I’m from the science/engineering world, too. I was meeting NO women until I started moving out of that world for social/cultural events. I had to go to a LOT of events to build my numbers high enough so I was meeting adequate numbers of eligible women. I eventually met my wife at a charity event – a fundraising event for the local public library.
I think this is the most important bit of dating advice for anyone. Finding a partner really is not about your level of attractiveness - everyone is attractive to someone. It’s just about meeting the people that happen to find you appealing, which can sometimes be tricky if you live in an area with few singles in your age range.
Eh. Then you’ll turn off girls who don’t trust “charming and sauve” guys because they think those guys are players. Women are all so different that you can never be sure what approach will work. I think you should just be yourself…but focus on ways to meet more people.
I definitely think online dating is the way to go if you are in an area that doesn’t have a lot of singles. If you aren’t on http://www.okcupid.com yet, get cracking on your profile. Since it’s free, there’s no reason NOT to give it a shot.
You have a “stable job”? No wonder you can’t get a date. What girl wants to date a guy that smells like horse shit after he mucked out stables all day?
Women are all so different that you can never be sure what approach will work. I think you should just be yourself…but focus on ways to meet more people.