No guarantee this will apply to you, but a lot of what you said reminds me of myself at various points the last couple of years, so there may be merit to these caffeine-fueled words:
You’re over thinking it. Plain and simple. Any thing else, say like getting a degree, a promotion, building a house, WHATEVER, benefits from focusing on that goal and evaluating yourself. If you fail, you can look back and think about what you did wrong, and make it a point to avoid doing that again in the future.
In my experience, dating is not linear as far as goals are concerned, and if you look at it like that, you end up getting really frustrated because if you are in a slump (like you seem to be now) its easy to get disheartened and even cynical about the whole thing. This happened to me a few years ago. I was dating a LOT of women online, but I kept getting turned down. A lot of times it was because they said there was ‘no chemistry’. I used to think this was a cop out and didn’t like that excuse, because obviously there’s no way to give yourself ‘more chemistry’ with some random woman, you either have it or you don’t.
After I got out of a two year relationship followed by a disastrious rebound relationship, I wanted to start dating again but this time I did things right: I had been dumped back in May and I basically gave myself all summer to focus on Incubus. I threw myself into my work, paid off a mountain of credit card debt, made some friends at my job, and steadily forgot about dating. After christmas, I started dating again, only this time I was much more relaxed and confident with myself: I had zero debt, planning on buying a new car/getting a new apartment, job was going well and I was intent on moving up, etc.
In other words, I was confident but not in a way I could fake or force. I was confident because I focused on my own life and derived enjoyment and satisfaction from it, so that when I started dating again, women could see that confidence, they could see that the things I had going in my life were not solely to impress women but demonstrated what I had accomplished/will accomplish in the future. This made me a much more appealing candidate to the type of women I wanted to date. So far I’ve really hit it off with the first woman I’ve met dating online again, and I really chalk it up to that summer I spent working on my own self.
I don’t know much of your own life, but I can tell you with the situation you’re in, having a steady job, being smart, etc. Don’t think it entitles you to anything. I really feel like if you have the attitude that you deserve to have X you’re never going to get it. Try to take a break from this, maybe try something you’ve been putting on the back burner for too long, do something outdoorsy or outside your comfort zone. Then come back to the dating scene- you’ll acquire traits you don’t even realize you have, but women will definitely notice them.
