And Other Amuzing Urination Stories

Reading this thread made me think of this experience, but it seemed a little hijackish (not actually having occurred in a cool place), so I thought I’d start this new thread (eh, what the hell, it’s Monday).

Anyhoo …
Two friends and I were stumbling back from a bar that was about 6 blocks from my apartment in Portland, ME. We all decide that it was too far a journey to actually wait ‘til we got there to pee. So we stop in front of this car dealership, sneak in between the cars which were parked right next to the sidewalk and let rip. Just as the tinkle hits the pavement, I hear, “Hey the cops are pulling over here, zip it up.”
I’m just not constructed that way. There’s no way I could stop. So my two buddies are standing there watching as I keep going, when the cops strides up right next to me, all calm like and looks down at what I’m doing. The only thing I could do was nod to him and say, "Hi, how ya doin’?"
“You almost done?” he says.
“Just about.”
So I finish up and zip up, and he takes us out to the sidewalk for a lecture on public lewdity or something. My friend says to the cop, “Hey officer, when you gotta go, you gotta go.”
The cop did not find this humourous. He points his finger in my buddy’s face and says, “If you don’t shut your mouth, he [pointing at me] is going to jail.”
And this bastard friend of mine, starts checking his pockets and laughing, chuckling out something along the lines of, “Oh shit, I hope I have some bail money.”
In the end though, it seemed the cop was just screwing with us anyway and he let us go.

Okay, maybe not the most humourous urination story on the planet, possibly a “you had to be there” kind of thing, but I’m sure my fellow dopers have a few tales to share along these lines, no?

Back in high school we were having a little party out in the woods, complete with bonfire. The fire has burnt down to coals, and my friend decides he has to take a leak, and does so, on the remains of the fire, which causes it to burst back into flames. This wouldn’t be so funny, but for the fact that he hadn’t been drinking at all.

I was taking a leak next to a river once when a rogue gust of wind came out of the 2 O’clock position, blowing my pee back at a 45 degree angle. My buddy was about five feet behind and to my left with his back to me. Gave him a good shower on his bare back. He still bitches about it 10 years later.

I was giving ToddlerNym a bath when she was about two months old and she was sitting in one of those contoured baby tubs that hold them up w/o sliding under. I decided I needed to pee and she would be fine while I did so, as the toilet was RIGHT there.

She’s watching me as I sit down and start to pee and (whoa!) her big bowling-ball head carries her over onto her belly with her face in the water. In one swift move, I stop peeing and dive toward the bathtub to rescue my poor baby.

Except I hadn’t been doing my kegels so the flow never stopped and I hadn’t pulled up my pants so I was kneeling on the floor with a dripping, screaming child while I peed all over my pants and the rug.

On the bright side, I’m sure ToddlerNym felt a little more secure knowing she wasn’t the only one who peed in her pants. :slight_smile:

I’ve only got the story about my oldest child peeing up my nose when he was a baby. I was not amused and had pee dripping all over my face. Everyone at my house, however, was so amused that they couldn’t stop laughing long enough to grab me a towel.

Beware of baby boys.

Oh, Jack.

:stuck_out_tongue: What can I say? If anything, now, I’m more infatuated with you than before!

Oh, and…

I do have an amusing story. Except…

  1. It’s not exactly about me…it’s about a dog.
  2. It’s not about urine.
  3. You aren’t getting it out of me.

heh heh heh… Some buddy’s of mine had a warehouse they used as a practice space. On my 21st birthday they decided to throw a party/show there. So they asked me what i’d want to drink, and that’s ALL they would get. So I of course say beer, because I likes me some beer. Well, any good drinker knows that to get fucked up on beer you gotta drink alot, and when you drink alot you pee alot. About halfway through the party the one guitarist decides he’s gonna prank the drummer, and piss on his van - but he gets caught. So thinking quickly he tells the guy that the drummer wants his van pissed on to keep the racoons off of it. Well word gets around, and I think most everyone (50+ people) used the van as their urninal until the drummer found out, but by then it was like five hours later… :smiley:

Ahhh - the good old days…

punk snot dead,
broccoli!

Got up with a pal of mine camping in Yellowstone. I had gotten a little “fun time” with my girlfriend in our sleeping bag and had fallen asleep before…well “clearing the tube”. Any guy who does not take a leak after sex get stoppage and can make your pee come out strange (see Me Myself and Irene for a extreme example)
Anyway, we walk down to the creek edge and he lets fly. I unzip and take a deep breath and unleash a rock hard bladder (made almost painful due to beer).
Two streams simultaneuous fly in opposite directions. One, the main stream heads 7 o’clock and hits my pals bare feet while a weaker piddly stream shoots at a almost 90 degree angle straight sideways. My friend yelped and had a degree of horror as he danced away from me on the sharp rocks. I shook and it corrected itself but my pal was truly perplexed.

“What is wrong with your piss man?”

Apparently he always took a leak after sex and never experienced blockage. Scared the hell out of him and we still have a laugh about it sometime, mimicing his “piss dance” of him trying to pee and avoid me on rocks.

Well, I guess I started young. I share the story of many young parents. My mother who had just gotten me home from the hospital, decides that I naturally must need my diapers changed. She was about 5 minutes too soon because as soon as that cold air hit me I was off like a wet willy sprinkler, covered her and my bedroom. She basically just got out of the way and gave up. I still get yelled at about this.


I also share the story where a gust of wind causes duress amongst drunken friends. A group of us were out camping, drinking copious amounts of beer. We all saunter off to the lake together, mainly because we’d designated this 15 foot drop off as the bathroom for the night. Hey we’re drunk guys, we got a kick out of pissing for time and distance. Anyways, I’m upwind of 3 other guys and we all let fly, its cool and a wind gusts up. I guess over the sound of the splashing on the water below no one noticed that my piss was getting blown about 12 feet to my left and behind me, right where the other guys lined up. They were not pleased for the rest of the night, and my laughing didn’t help any. But come on, I got all 3 of them at once! Well, it goes without saying that the next trip to the pisser I found myself getting heaved into the water below.


And my last one is also similar to Jack’s (hey, whoever said anything about originality!). The main strip of bars in college was a pretty heavily traveled area on the weekends with people walking to and from bars. On the corner between most of the dorms and bars theres a hedged in empty lot, the hedges follow the sidewalk at about stomach height on two sides, the other two sides are brick walls of buildings.

All the bars let out at the same time, so theres a huge rush of people and me and three friends are coming out after a very heavy night of drinking. We decide that 25 feet from the bar we should have pissed first, and of course decide to hop the hedges for a squirt. It was pretty common considering the location. We do forget that the location doesn’t offer much in the way of privacy because as you face either wall, there are people no less than 20 feet away with a clear view of your profile and package.

In this dense rowdy crowd its inevitable that someone is going to call us out, in this case it was a group of 3-4 girls. My friends were a little rattled by this and finished up quickly, but my bladder just had to do its thing. The girls were giggling and yelling at me, asking “what I was doing?”. My drunk loud sarcastic ass decides that I could give a shit who wants to watch me, so I answer “I’m jacking off, you wanna come help?”. Well, its at about this point I hear my friend who’s now across the hedges telling me to get the hell out of there and shut up. I ignore it and finish my deed, only to stagger my drunk 18 year old ass over the hedges, and as soon as i get my bearings I feel a hand grabbing my arm. Yup, it was a cop. He starts asking for my ID and is giving me the riot act about indecency and public urination. He’s trying to pull me towards his squad car and I start to pull away. I ask him what I did wrong, and deny that I was pissing. He yells that he just watched me do it. In my drunken state, this line of defense seemed logical…“You couldn’t see anything but my back, I wasn’t over there pissing, I was masturbating! Just ask those girls!” The cop freezes, and is left completely speechless, during which time I yank my arm away and cross the street to catch my intentionally distant friends. I’m not sure why, but he decided it wasn’t worth the trouble and gave up. We laughed pretty fucking hard on the walk home. The next morning I realized that I was underage, drunk, profane and beligerant to a cop, and possibly resisting arrest…all over a piss.

I think this thread pretty much covers it for me.