And then there's the TEXAS Republican Platform...

2000 Texas GOP Platform

2004 Texas GOP Platform (PDF)

And, courtesy of Google’s “View as HTML” function,

2004 Texas GOP Platform (HTML)

Go to it, guys.

I should have mentioned that I started this one simply to keep my other thread completely hijacked.


Left out a coupla words. I bet you can guess which ones.

“fucko you!”?

“Hi, Opal”?

“Nurse? Nurse?”

elucidator rocks!”?

sigh. See, I can’t read stuff like this:

Because then my head starts to throb, and I start shouting at no one in particular “WTF are you talking about??!!! You people think Haliburton is a GOOD idea!! HELLO???!! Does the name Ken fucking LAY mean anything to you??” And I get dragged from my computer and made to promise I’ll leave off the politics for a few days.

This, on the other hand:

Christian Nation-The Republican Party of Texas

You’ll have to pry my pornography out of my cold dead sticky hands!!!

crap. Accidentally hit submit because I was laughing so hard.

BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA. So, Christianity is a constitutional right, but other religions fall under the first ammendment as freedom of speech/expression? BAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA

Did Gore miss digging this shit up in '00, or did the Texas Republican Party just suddenly become a laughingstock? It is mindboggling the campaign fodder one could make of this while Bush is out touting his “compassionate conservatism” bullshit.

From the 2000 platform:

Funny thing: these are the first two sections of the 2000 platform with no close parallel in the 2004 platform.

Can’t imagine why.

Yes, if you consider “suddenly” in the same way that India “suddenly” crashed into Asia and raised the Himalayan mountains.

Glacier! Run for your lives!

The Texas GOP is so nutty that even GW looks like moderate. They are so icky that I have to vote for the Texas Democrats, who have a long history of ickyness as well.

At least the GOP finally gave up the whole return to the gold standard thing this year. Personally when it comes to horribly outdated monetary systems I’m Free Silverite all the way. Cross of gold and all that.

From 2000 platform
**Monetary System – The Party calls for the United States monetary system to be returned to the gold standard. Since the Federal Reserve System is a private corporation, has no reserves, and is not subject to taxation or audit, we call on Congress to abolish this institution and reassume its authority, enumerated by Article I, Section 8 of the United States Constitution, for the coinage of money. **

This year has some gems though like

Census – The Party opposes any attempt by the United States Census Bureau to obtain any information beyond the number of people residing in the dwelling at the time of the census in accordance with Article I, Section 2 of the United States Constitution. We strongly support counting each citizen and urge elected officials to resist taking a census by any other method.

Addictive Behaviors – The Party recognizes that addictive drug, alcohol, and pornography use is dangerous and affects all sectors of society… Because of their higher proven rate of success, faith–based rehabilitation programs should be utilized in place of incarceration whenever possible.

Does this mean I will have to go to church if the government finds my porno stash? And in the same thread…

Pornography – The Party believes, as do the vast majority of Texans, that pornography is repulsive, addictive and contributes to deviant criminal behavior.
Judging by all the XXX videos on the highways and billions of strip club signs in Dallas I say thats a damn lie. Texans love pornography, liars!!!

Age of Consent – The Party supports raising the age of consent for consensual sex for all children to 18 years of age.

Glad I’m done with having sex with 17 year old girls before they ever make this a law.

**Sex Education – …To build strong and lasting relationships, we support the requirement that schools teaching sex education must teach directive abstinence until heterosexual marriage with an uninfected person as the only safe and healthy means of preventing sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies among unwed students… **

More nuttyness. Theoretically wouldn’t being celebate be another way.

Children with Special Needs – The Party supports legislation opposing the “minimal educational benefit” standard, as applied to children with special needs. This is defined by the federal statute promising a free appropriate public education to all children with special needs. The Party advocates equal educational opportunity for all students and the requirement that children with special needs be educated commensurate with their abilities.

What does this mean? Someone explain.

Scientific Theories – The Party supports the objective teaching and equal treatment of scientific strengths and weaknesses of all scientific theories, including Intelligent Design – as Texas law now requires but has yet to enforce. The Party believes theories of life origins and environmental theories should be taught only as theories not fact; that social studies and other curriculum should not be based on any one theory.

Thank god they haven’t won that yet.

Federal Tax Reform – Federal tax reform is required and any reform should support free enterprise, economic growth, be simple and fair and support job retention in the United States. The Internal Revenue Service is unacceptable to U. S. taxpayers! The Party urges that the IRS be abolished and the Sixteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution be repealed. We further urge that the personal income tax, inheritance (death) tax, gift tax, capital gains, corporate income tax, andpayroll tax be eliminated. We recommend the implementation of a national retail sales tax.

Great, I’m going to have to pay 25 cents to the fed on top of the 7 cents Texas takes on every dollar I spend. Screwing the poor isn’t worth the mentel math I’ll have to do figure out how much a 3.49 Quarter pounder value meal actually costs.

The Texas GOP ain’t all bad. I actually like this one because like Sammy Hagar I can not drive 55.

Speed Limits - The Party opposes any regulation of highway speed limits based on environmental standards of any kind. The Party supports highway speed limits based on safety standards only.

This one’s good too. I hate the top ten % nonsence we have in Texas.

Higher Education- …We advocate a single standard for college admission for all students based on merit and ability without regard to the school from which they graduated or class standing.

I lived in Texas at one time. Like everyone else, they love their booze, titty bars and sex. Almost everyone I chose to associate with was a good Southern Democrat.

  1. a Christian nation - I didn’t know we had a state relgion. Is it Southern Baptist Christian? Lutheran? Methodist? Epsicopalian? Does chossing the wrong one make you an Enemy of the State?
  2. What about nonChristians? Will there be “infidel stamps” for Texas hunting licenses in addition to the usual deer/duck/pheasant stamps?
  3. Faith based treatment of addiction - “I need an old priest and a young priest. The Power Of Christ compels you!” I don’t think so.
  4. Based on my memories of Texas politics, the “equality under the law” and “conduct of public oficials” would mean they will all be going to jail. Ummm that’s a GOOD thing.
  5. Sex education, meaning there will be none.
  6. Scientific theories - Are the Scopes Monkey Trials coming back?
  7. ON taxes - Now that sounds OK in my book.

Well, items 4 and 7 are alright, based on a purely selfish outlook, the rest is just sort of nutty. I just ignored the rest, as I’m getting bord :stuck_out_tongue:

:confused: It’s repulsive and addictive? How does that work, exactly?

“Eeeewww, that stuff is so repulsive! I’m grossed out and repelled by it! In fact, I’m so repelled that now I’m hooked on it! Give me more, more, more, I can’t live without it!” Is it just me or does that make no sense?

Could give you my ex’s phone number, I suppose. How much penance do you figure you need to do to get your karma balanced?

Was that a response to my post, luc? If so, went right over my head… if not worth explaining then never mind. :slight_smile:

Y’know, when I consider the infinitesmally small possibility that I may, somehow, somewhere, switch my allegiance to the Republican Party, I read something like this thread, get reminded of the crazy-ass shit the GOP believes in, and update my will with instructions for armed snipers to shoot me down if I ever get that crazy.

And in regards to this:

…I just thought it’s worth mentioning that last week’s episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit! debunked faith-based 12-step programs, and showed that they had the same efficiency rate as quitting cold turkey – 5%. Makes me wonder where the Texas GOP gets their “higher proven rate of success” from.

Then, why didn’t Gore use it? Bush was a Republican coming out of Texas and chanting a mantra about compassion. This platform is something that Gore could have used, if nothing else, for eliminating the wooden Indian image. He could have used his folksy speech style to say things like, “What is compassionate about dismissing whole classes of Americans as sub-humans? What is compassionate about making the highways as dangerous as possible? What is compassionate about taking away parents’ rights to educate their children the way they see fit?” As so forth.

What point are you desperately trying to make here Lib? Are you suggesting that Gore’s failure to utilize this information has some bearing on the long-standingness of the lunacy of the Texas Republican Party platform?

Ummmmm… If your will is in play, you’re already dead, ya know. Just thought I’d mention it so you could come up with another plan, or something. :wink:

From God, of course. Or maybe it’s in the Bible. Only unimpeachable source there is. Right?