I’ll say it: Muff9090, you can do better. You’re 20. Drop this guy like a hot rock and move on.
Because…?
Because it is an invariable rule of this Board: in any relationship thread, the consensus is always, eventually, going to be “dump the bum”. 
My guess, the “balking” at the lap dance was a test to see your reaction. As someone who has experience with these things, I’d guess it’s about 90% certain he bought one or his friends did for him. Not saying he got a bj or sex but had tits and crotch rub against him and that’s prefectly fine to not be OK with. You’re no loon.
What’s most rude is his descriptions of the dancers to you unless you’re a supremely confident 8, 9 or 10.
“Their” is not an adjective; it’s a pronoun.
No.
Going to the club review boards, you’re going to see the darkest side of stip clubs, most of them are discussions about how to get the cheapest extras. There are many clean or mostly clean clubs and girls, but that isn’t what these boards are about.
I’ve spend some time in clubs and am in a long term relationship with a girl who used to dance until recently so I have a pretty good idea about what can happen, but it’s entirely up to the customer if that is what they are seeking and the type of club they visit.
It’s a possessive adjective actually.
Very verbose. I didn’t want to get into my experience, but it’s more laughable than embarrassing or damaging any more. I couldn’t find a job during the last year of college and first year of law school. I thought stripping would be a hoot and pay my bills. So I worked for a very upper-end establishment.
Unless you’ve worked at one of those places or spend more than half your week there, I believe I have more experience as to these things. I never did anything but take my clothes off and give pathetic lap dances with very strong touching restrictions, but I could talk nearly any man into a tip for just talking to him or a lap dance. A reluctant or cheap guy with a group was always the easiest. One simply talks the group into buying it for him.
You’re also ignoring the rude way he talked to the OP. Even if asked unless it’s already a mutual turn-on or deemed OK to say that stuff beforehand, a man would be idiotic to talk about how hot the strippers were even if asked. A man that enthusiastic or stupid got a lap dance.
Where’s ** Indy** when you need her? 
I bet you had more fun than I did waiting tables, which is what I did for spending money.
I figured that what the boyfriend thought, even though the OP may have thought differently. 20 and 23 year-olds have a lot to learn about relationships, communications, and sex. I know I did at that age. Mistakes get made, hopefully people learn from them.
Did it occur to anyone that Boyfriend told the OP about the hotness of the girls at the strip club to:
A: Get her interested in going there with him.
B: Maybe get something started that will lead to a threesome.
Remember, in the OP she expressed her willingness to visit a strip club. In the mind of most horny 23 year old guys that means “steamy girl-on-girl action” (seriously, that’s how they think - italics included.)
Presumably, he thinks the OP is hot. He thinks the girls at the strip club are hot. The only thing better would be both of them together.
She’s way over-thinking this. The solution is to go with him to the club and use the experience as a live-action softcore porn movie (which is a lot closer to reality of most strip clubs), then take him home and fuck him senseless.
And OP, I’ve heard of girls giving “extras,” but from what you’ve said, your guy doesn’t seem the type. But, if you think he might just frequent the clubs while out with the guys then look for glitter on his face, clothes, car leather etc…
Sure ** gaffa**, I agree, but get an idea of what she wants out of going. It may be just curiosity or could lead to hot stuff. But, don’t rub her face in it before she goes-even if she’s fully bisexual which the OP isn’t from what I can tell.
But yeah, young guys (young women, and older men and women) often say awkward or possibly insulting stuff to their SO’s without any mean or nefarious reasons. If OP’s SO wants to see girl-on-girl hotness and can live in fantasy land at a club, that’s cool. For the dancers it’s a job.
My fiance lived in NYC back in the 90s and he and his friends would occasionally visit strip clubs. He was also occasionally approached by hookers. He always told me about them, though he wasn’t insensitive enough to relay how “hot” they were. Neither was a big deal because I trusted him not to do anything that would compromise our relationship. We knew, like most adults know, what crosses the line.
So, my question is if you trust him? If you do, then express your concerns then shrug it off. If you don’t, well then that’s a different issue.
I’m not sure what this guy did wrong. Seems pretty honest from what I can tell.
As a guy, this sounds like enough complication and hassle.
Thanks.
Seriously, I’ve only been to a couple of strip clubs, but I didn’t get a lap dance.
This guy’s damned no matter what he does. His saying he didn’t get a lap dance is evidence he did. Presumably, his saying he got a lap dance would be evidence he did also.
What he did wrong is obvious. If he absolutely needed to talk about how hot the strippers were (a dick move in my opinion), what he needed to do afterward was say “…but nowhere near as hot as you.” That wouldn’t have been so hard.
She doesn’t have to actually be bisexual for him to fantasize about it. Sometimes the smaller brain in the penis takes over operation of the mouth.
To the OP, I have never, ever, been in a strip club where sex was allowed or even possible. I agree that a lot of those reviews are either wishful thinking or trolling by the clubs themselves to create the impression that the customers will get more than they will.
Here’s what I see you doing:
-
You are upset because he talked about how good looking some of the strippers are (not to mention other women he’s mentioned)
-
You are upset about what he could have done, not about what he did do.
Number one is more common, but also more complex, so I’ll start with the second.
Basically, holding what he could have done against him is unfair to him, and if you allow this to continue as an emotional habit, you will destroy your ability to ever having a healthy loving relationhip.
Harsh? Every man, make that every adult, has been in a place and time where they were able “to touch or fondle someone else with that possible type of history and experiences”. And every adult will in the future be in a similar situation. If it’s not a strip club, it’s a bar; if it’s not a bar, it’s the workplace, the gym, the park, the church, etc., ad infinitum. It’s not opportunity that causes behavior; it’s what choices we make when we have that opportunity.
Think about it - if you knew someone who was in a position to murder someone and didn’t, would you be upset because they could have been a murderer, or not thought anything about it at all?
To resolve the first one, you really need to understand why you feel insecure when he talks about other good-looking women. One factor may simple be because we women are told that we are supposed to be insecure if our SO recognizes that another women is beautiful. But why should we feel insecure about this? Shouldn’t our relationship with our SO be about more than just how we look? A lot more? IMO, allowing (yes, I said allowing) yourself to feel insecure because your SO can appreciate the looks of another woman is just buying into the myth that the only value that women bring to their relationship and to the world is how good looking they are.
I believe that insecurity should not be coddled. If something makes you feel insecure, you shouldn’t be saying “That makes me feel bad, please don’t do it again”, you should be saying “That makes me think you feel this way, is that right?”, and trust what they tell you in return. ( Mind you, if they really do think “I’d bang her but I have to make do with this ugly person”, when they look at other women like then DTMFA!)
OTOH, if he is directly telling you that you don’t look as good as these other people, then you need to tell him that if he truly believes that, he needs to think about what he wants from this relationship. Because you might not be the most beautiful person in the world, but you should be the most precious person to him.