So what does her giving the OP her actual phone number mean, oh great translater of women’s intentions? No means no. “I have a boyfriend” could mean any of the following:
A. Yes.
B. No.
C. Maybe.
To determine which was intended, one must evaluate the context. She actually gave him her home phone number, so I am inclined to think it meant “Maybe”. Nevermind the flirtiness and body language. Either way, you cannot correctly assume that all women will mean the same thing when they make that statement. Fortunately, there is a word in the English language that means no: No. That word is, for the most part, pretty clear.
I myself have slept with women who had boyfriends. Hell, I even married one. The fact that a girl has a boyfriend does not automatically mean she is not interested. It does not mean she won’t sleep with you. It only means that she has a boyfriend. It can mean more, but it doesn’t have to.
Priceguy the problem is that sometimes it doesn’t always mean “no”.
Unless a person is a complete tit, they are not going to continually try something that has never worked.
If a girlie says “I have a boyfriend” and the guy persists, it is probably down to them at some point having seen that the persistance has paid off. Maybe it happened to them in the past, to a friend of theirs, a bloke sitting at the next table, or maybe they just got it from Hollywood. Regardless where they got the idea from, they feel there may be something to be gained by persuing further after the “I’ve got a boyfriend” remark.
Granted it is a stupid line to use because, as is apparent in this thread, it is not necessarily understood by everyone to be a flat out “No”.
People should either say “Yeah I’ll shag you, but be aware that I am already in some sort of relationship” Or “No thank you, I am not interested”. But of course that’s not going to be adopted universally.
But then we can extend that arguement to just about any facet of life, except where being a little ambiguous allows you to get out of what could be an awkward situation, or in this case, have lost the waitress a tip. dalovindj you married her boyfriend???
Look, saying “I have a boyfriend” is pretty clear, coming from a woman with half a brain. It’s letting you down easy. That’s her being nice, which she’ll probably try to be even if she doesn’t want to. You never know what a scorned man might do.
I can’t help that this woman appears to be thicker than a WWII bunker wall.
This view sucks. Other guys’ (and girls’) girls (and guys) are off limits. Have some honour.
Sure, I suppose if all you want is to go fishing in Spreadeagle Bay once then whatever. I’m not into that. But there’s no fucking way I’d get together with a girl I slept with before she dumped her ex. Why wouldn’t she cheat on me?
And if my girlfriend gave her phone number to guys in bars, she’d be history.
Tir Tinuviel: Then let’s start changing the world. Let’s take “I have a boyfriend” as a “no”. Let’s force women to talk straight. Let’s take everything they say at face value.
I didn’t realise this was addressed to me. It’s an unacceptable spin on my words. My comment was a tangent to which Priceguy held like an oxygen mask. If you are going to be interested in a woman, those involved with their bosses probably won’t be the smartest choice, wether you are aware of that relationship or not. PROBABLY.
The English language can be a real bitch sometimes! This whole thread is evidence of that. No, I didn’t marry the boyfriend. A girl I fooled around with (we met in the Theater Department during college) thought it would be funny to get married. Easily the stupidist thing I’ve ever done. We found out that the court house would do it for just $10. We figured we could just get it annulled for around the same price by telling them we never consumated the marriage (which would have been a lie). Turns out that you can’t get an annullment on those grounds in that state. Duress, Intoxication, or Relation are the only justifications for an annullment. So it cost me $10 bucks to get married and $500 to get divorced. There has got to be an Amex joke in there somewhere . . .
Anyway, the whole time this went on she had a boyfriend in her hometown (about an hour away). He would come visit her on weekends, they would hook up, and it was always understood between me and her that she wanted to keep that relationship. Not only did she cheat on him, she got married and divorced without him (or our parents) ever finding out. I learned 3 things:
There are relationships in which having just one partner is not a requirement. I hate to be the one to open your worldview a bit, but just because you don’t like that type of woman does not make them evil or a bitch. They are who they are. Love finds its roots in the strangest of places. I like the women on Sex and the City for example. Some think they are just reprehensible sluts. I like strong aggressive women who play games. You don’t. Doesn’t make me, you, or them bad. Just different. Different /= Bad. Got it? If she don’t care and I don’t care then we can enjoy each others company without thinking about pre-concieved notions of what relatioships are “supposed to be”. I don’t want a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, 2 cars, and a mortgage. Works for some, but it sounds pretty awful to me. I much prefer to play it fast and loose with a bunch of different women. Honor? Please. This aint a fairy tale, it’s real life. People are dynamic and there is no ideal relationship. Just lots of different ones, each with weaknesses and strengths. The most we can hope for is to enjoy the relationships we find, and hope that others allow the same for us without judgement.
I’m with you for quite a lot what you’ve said here, but not completely, in particular not on this point. I wouldn’t want to lose all possibility for double entendre. We’re talking poetry here, not science.
I hate obnoxious guys who won’t even understand a “no” when it is slapped in their faces, spelled “restraining order”. I similarly hate girls who just lead a guy on for kicks. But I can see the fun in a bit of flirting, even if it won’t lead anywhere. It is good for your self-confidence if someone of the opposite sex * shows an appreciation of yourself, even when s/he is (or you are) off the market. Is it flirtatious if you say to someone s/he is looking good, or “if I/you weren’t taken I would…”?
In particular when you’re still in college/university, relationships are not as steady as later on in life. Having a boy/girlfriend often only means that the person is unavailable for that specific moment. It can’t hurt showing that you have an interest in case the relationship doesn’t work out. Not everyone is walking around only to find their partner for life; a lot of guys and girls also want to fool around a bit.
So I would say, party on, as long as everyone involved knows what the game is they are playing.
Since this has moved into debate grounds, I hope Priceguy does not mind if I chime in again.
I’m 21. Old enough to be in a steady relationship, not old enough to marry in my opinion. Most attractive girls I know or come across with have boyfriends. It is up to them to protect their relationship and set their boundaries. I will respect them. Of course if I am friends with their boyfriends it is totaly unacceptable. But “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that” means just that, she can’t because she is commited (unless it’s a lie, it happens), and if I really think the girl is worth it (I don’t think that has ever happened) I will have to try until she makes it clear I don’t have a chance. I don’t put on an act but I don’t expect all women to be instantly attracted to me, I’m not that good looking. Maybe I can woo them with my sensitive side just like you (I’m kidding). I’ll take my chances to be shot down. Once. It’s not that big of a deal.
I used to consider all relationships sacred but they aren’t. Commitment is important to me but some women (not all, not even most) are just waiting until something better comes along. I won’t blame myself if I am that something.
Hardly bullshit, I don’t see where that comment is coming from. And again, you are presuming that they can’t see through the “bullshit”. Consider this scenario you despised so much, what would your answer to “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that” be:
A) springing to your knees and picking up her hand “I pray thou shall accept my deepest condolences for being so bold as to presume thee available, my fair damsel!”
B) smiling “Naturally he’s not invited. That would be pretty awkward don’t you think?”
Merijeek, you made a play. handled yourself fairly decently in my opinion, attentive to the signals etc. It isn’t easy to be a lonely single guy who doesn’t often get the subtle invitations from the fairer sex to pursue a social intercourse. Naturally you will give more weight to the positive signals and less to the negative ones. What young man hasn’t endured the tribulation of mixed signals? She was a bitch !
Of course not. I was assuming we were talking about a girl whose boyfriend didn’t approve of her sleeping around. If he’s in on it, then I’m all for that.
I like strong aggressive women. Game-playing is utterly stupid.
Suffice to say that to me honour is something more than a fairy tale ingredient. If it were to everyone, the world would look very different and infinitely better.
On preview: Tusculan, I don’t mind showing some interest, if it’s done in the way Ferret Herder described. That’s fine; that’s great. That’s what I did with Pricegal.
Pedro, the correct response is “OK”. Also, there seem to be a fundamental flaw of understanding between us. Let me attempt to spell it out.
I don’t care if:
You get or don’t get laid.
Your manhood is or isn’t hurt.
It’s a big deal to you.
I do care if:
You bother the girl.
The girl feels threatened.
It’s a big deal to her.
Get it? It’s not your feelings I’m worried about. I’m worried about how the girl will feel when you won’t take no for an answer. Not taking no for an answer may get you laid every once in a while; I don’t care. That’s not the point. I’m not protesting this technique, or what you want to call it, on the basis that it doesn’t work. Clear?
Let me guess, Priceguy, you think you are a “nice guy”?
You’re not. A girl is not necessarily a “cheating bitch” just because they get to know someone else while having a boyfriend. You don’t know what their relationship is like.
Not all boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are as serious as marriage.
You have the classic “nice guy” persona of putting all women on a pedestal, and then as soon as they do something to prove they are human they become “cheating bitches.” Real nice.
Yes, Nightime, I’m a nice guy. No, Nightime, I do not put women on pedestals. Yes, Nightime, I think it’s shitty (or at least very suspicious) of a woman in a non-open relationship to give her phone number to a drunk guy who’s been hitting on her in a bar. So sue me.
I do not think of women as pure, white-clad, angelic creatures. I don’t mind women who fuck everything they see. I don’t mind women who fuck entire football teams. I don’t mind strippers, or prostitutes, or porn stars. But yes, when you’re in a relationship you stick to the norms of that relationship. I’m apparently the only one in the world who still believes in this, which goes some way to explain the rising divorce rates and number of broken homes.
You know I’m not talking about divorces and broken homes.
I specifically said that not all boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are as serious as marriages.
What you don’t seem to get is that even though a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship may not necessarily be an open relationship, it may not be so serious that getting to know someone else automatically makes a girl a “cheating bitch”, as you put it.
There are degrees of seriousness in relationships. Not just extremes of “sex with everyone” and “marriage.” Most people fall somewhere in the middle.
“I’ve got a boyfriend” is NOT an unambiguous no. It just isn’t.
Look, the truth is that almost every reasonably attractive and socially ept woman has a “boyfriend”. But this “boyfriend” could just be a guy she met last week and went out on a date with. “Boyfriend” does not imply a long-term monogamous commited relationship, it just means she’s dating someone.
I’ve known plenty of women who ALWAYS have boyfriends, and they usually break up with their previous boyfriend some time after they begin to hook up with their new boyfriend. Even if they are tired of the old boyfriend they don’t bother to officially break up with him until they have a new prospect lined up.
It is unreasonable to expect people to always understand your code phrases. Yes, it is reasonable to use code phrases and hope that in many cases they will ease social interactions. But sometimes using code is going to make things more confusing, not less. And I don’t think it is reasonable to interpret “boyfriend” as “someone I am in a long-term monogamous commited marriage-like relationship with”. It might mean that or it might not. And people break up with their boyfriends or girlfriends all the time when they meet someone better.
That said, hitting on waitresses seems to be a suckers game. Yes, they are friendly. That’s their job. Just because she smiled doesn’t mean she’s into you.
Bolding mine. You see the key here is you seem to be proposing that there is only one type of “that relationship” which is normal. This assumption is foolish. There are wide and varying types of relationships and personalities out there. Just because you fancy yourself a knight in Camelot does not mean that everyone else lives there. People are not evil bitches because they don’t confirm to your moral code. As long as they don’t break the law it really shouldn’t be any of your concern.
