Q: Why are thousands of screaming children running out of theaters in fear?
A: Ninety-seven spineless twits, ten rubber bands, sixty-two glassblowers, and two French philosophers
Q: What would MacGuyver use to stop Bush from his silly policies?
A: Art Garfunkel’s Niece.
Q: Okay, wait, who did you pick up on a street corner for twenty bucks?
A: A transvestite coke addict who was called Sue!
What is your wife’s name?
I don’t know, I just whistle.
Q: Hey Emmitt Till, how do you get the ladies?
A: Your mom told me to do it!
Q: Why are you spanking dad?
A: That’s how nudists stop the painful sunburns.
Why are you selling tubs of lard by the roadside?
The town festival is today.
q: why are all the police officers wearing bikinis?
a: because just like snowflakes, no two are alike.
Q: Why are you observing the genetic patterns of each fetal pig’s eyeballs?
A: A yellow thong, a soap opera marathon, a tub of Haagen Daz, and a layer of green masque on your face should do the trick!
Q: So how do I get on Jerry Springer?
A: Practice. Lots of Practice.
Q. How can anyone be this stupid?
A. Cotton balls.
What do you call boll weavil cotillions?
A hoe down in the barn.
Q: Who did you lose your virginity to?
A: A masked stranger
Who would be your ideal date?
He dresses in leather chaps and owns handcuffs.
Q: So, Mrs Cheney, what attracted you to your husband?
A: Atomic Dog
Q: To answer the most unfunny joke ever, “Who chased the chicken across the road”?
A: Yes, with Lana and Chloe at the same time.
Q: Have you ever gone into the gents restroom by mistake?
A: No, I allways go to the little boy’s room.
Q: Do you usually cruise the elementary schools for dates?
A: Six and a half inches.
Q: What is the hat size of an average 2 year old gorilla?
A: Depends on if you go up and down or side to side.
Q: Do you find brown nosing effective?
A: A fire extinguisher and a jar of mayo.