I wouldn’t go rushing into anything. I mean, be more aggressive about finding someone (it probably won’t just fall into your lap again), but don’t go out hunting for a fuck buddy. Men, and dogs, can smell fear (and desperation).
Contrived? If you mean the part of the definition that involves “planning” then i guess so. When you mean what it seems like you mean, then I think you’re missing the point. The OP shouldn’t have to hang around waiting for “the right person” and settle for a dildo if she’s willing to go out and meet people and express herself on what she wants from a relationship/arrangement. Let alone assuming that she clearly just needs a better dildo. Jeez.
To the OP, I think enjoying pizza/movie/some pre-coital cuddles are an awesome way to start things off. To actually have a fuck buddy in which they literally just come over and are all “wham, bam, see ya next week” is a bit awkward, and (I think) there should be at least a small amount of bonding happening there - nothing long term obviously, but enough to know that you enjoy time with the person beyond just getting it on. For me, at least, that’s important: I’m a woman, and while I don’t need some deep emotional connection to enjoy sex, I at least need to know I like the person, on a level that doesn’t involve us both naked.
Technology could be in your favor here; if you feel awkward bringing something up face to face with a new friend, use AIM or facebook chat or whatever your preference is to break the ice, maybe even after a glass of wine to quell the awkward feeling - and make the possible rejection a little less harrowing.
Good luck to you, I think you can have your cake and eat it too (with a cold glass of milk!) in this situation. 
Thanks for that rosy little bit of knowledge. Hey Gestalt here’s the most important piece of relationship advice you’ll ever get: don’t listen to bitter people.
I’m not exactly sure why you would need to plan anything like this out. Find a good looking guy that thinks you’re attractive, find out if he has a wife or serious relationship, and then lay it out on the table. There’s no guarantee that things won’t end badly, no matter who you find.
You can always try and find a single guy that you think is out of your league. If he really is then there’s little chance your arrangement will go anywhere.
Gestalt, you sound like a really cool chick. There will be no difficulty getting a bed buddy. Just ask. Most guys are simple, straight forward creatures, so this is a wonderful opportunity for some horny guy who is just looking for fun sport sex.
I remember back in the day when I had my regulars. One girl was open to basically anything, didn’t want a relationship and really liked fucking me silly. She would drunk call me on Friday night and ask me if we could get naked after my girlfriend went home. What a good girl.
I am in love with my wife, yet I am very glad I had these neat women in my life. You learn and grow, you know?
It may seem as it requires a little braveness, but its really worth it setting out your requirements early on. And don’t compromise them. My lady friends all fall into the category of ‘activity’ partner. It suits everyone to a tee. And these are really excellent women too. two students one dentist a really busy married marketing lady. All with really different approaches needs and delights to offer. Whereas one may like a dinner date then back to the apartment the other may be up for a weekend sailing or scuba diving.
Like with all relationships, if you set the rules early then no one gets disappointed or hurt.
The only thing I would caution is that you may lose all desire to settle down with any one person again, but you may end up realising that that is no bad thing.
The OP sounds like she knows what she wants but afraid of if she goes at it she would be called, in my mother’s day, a “loosey goosey.”
This is especially notable in a small town. I recall when I moved to my first small town, Marathon, FL in the Florida Keys. I was shocked to find everyone knew my buisness. I had cashiers at the Winn-Dixie say they say me coming out of the doctor’s office, and “Oh by the way how are your allergies.” I was like, I don’t even know you, why are you talking to me and how do you know my business?
I had a female friend over 40 and I thought it would be hard for her to find someone. I guess to find a husband is hard, sex is not. She says and other women over 40 I know confirm, that college boys love older woman. I guess it’s the “Mrs Robinson” type thing.
And evidently they only want a good time, cheap sex and often someone to buy them beer 
Oh, oh, oh! Pick me! PICK ME!
[/Shrek]
Ok, seriously, find someone from another small town looking for similar, stir, etc. Make sure you’re clear with him (or her) from the get-go that this is all that you’re looking for. Should be easy.
I can’t believe nobody’s mentioned this yet. Go to a bar, find someone cute, take them home for the night. Be upfront at the beginning you’re just looking for something physical. If you like the test drive, give them your contact details and see if it works out.
Cut it off if there’s any sign it’s getting serious. Go out and find another one. It’s really not rocket science.
I’m not bitter. I’ve had my share of fuck buddies, boyfriends, and now a wonderful husband. It’s just that whenever I went out on a mission just to get laid, men (and women) could tell I was desperate for the big O. Stay cool about it, relax. Look for it, pursue it, but don’t burst into a bar, guns a-blazing screaming “DO ME!”
Hmmm…Is a fuck buddie different from a booty call? Because that sounds a bit like actually dating someone.
That’s what I was thinking, too. Dating somebody doesn’t mean you have to be attached at the hip–when we were in school, DoctorJ and I usually only saw each other a couple times a week. And our nights were remarkably like what the OP describes.
Ask other girls for recommendations, saves a lot of mucking around. Of course they may recommend someone who’s still their lover. :smack: The cat’s just got out of the bag about my guy - a friend says: “Oh I hear P is your fuck-buddy.” Sigh. People do want to put things in boxes. We do a couple of get togethers a week, plus an optional drunken booty call or two. We drink in the same couple of bars, and chat here and there, but the lovers part of the relationship is private. As long as the guy doesn’t have kids or steady girlfriend/wife etc. it’s all good.
I think it’s easier to forego the dinner dates, and stick to meeting at your or his place. Guys like the idea of meeting for loving a few times a week, but soon start wanting more, in my experience. If so, you’ve got to taper it off for a while or step up to the plate.
Can we go back to the term “lover”?
DO ME shoes are ok though.
I’ve been doing this successfully for almost 8 years. Same “buddy”. He has had two live in girlfriends and got married in that time period. We don’t do the “pizza, movie” thing, we just hang out, visit a while and have sex. Then he goes away. It works for us because we both have the same idea about recreational sex and can draw a clear line between that and “love making”, which we don’t do. I can’t remember the last time we kissed, for example. Neither of us wants more. It just works.
Milossarian! Holy moly! Where have you been, dude? Good to see you in any case.
Quoted for truth. Don’t listen to Shagnasty. He may think that any guy would jump at a fuck-buddy situation, but IME they’ll jump at it because they want to suck you into a relationship.
Anyway…
What you’re suggesting definitely doesn’t sound like a fuck-buddy. It sounds like dating/seeing/having a relationship/whatever.
If you want to see someone casually and not have a serious relationship or whatever, fine, but don’t call it a fuck-buddy thing because what you’re proposing is not that. Sleeping over? Come on now.
There’s no reason you can’t get what you want, but IMHO the best way to do it is to look online for someone. That way you can make your needs, desires, and expectations very clear. I speak from experience. it pays to advertise.
As Acid Lamp had stated earlier in the thread, we started out as a NSA/“fuck buddies” arrangement and eventually got more serious. One thing I can recommend is to pay attention to the signals that people are giving you when they interact with you-- sometimes you’ve already got a potential casual fling flirting with you who’s not in your closer circle of friends.
As for the “single college guys tend to be lame and selfish in bed” habit, you may want to look into what the graduate student sphere holds on your campus; not every graduate student is married or in a serious relationship, and, in my experience, the single ones tend not to be as interested in developing involved relationships while in school. You may find a couple of people who are interested in being casual lovers, but I recommend that you stay outside of your own academic department for this-- it makes life easier. I was quite a bit younger when I entered the NSA arrangement with Acid Lamp (I was 19-20 or so), and we were both undergrads from different departments on the opposite sides of campus, so we didn’t see each other often outside of prearranged outings.
I will, however, comment a little bit on Green Bean’s analysis of the “suck you into a relationship” dilemma-- she is totally right about that, for some guys. Just like there are insecure women who feel lost without a relationship to tether them or hold them up like a crutch, there are insecure men who feel the need to have a significant other around to make them feel better about themselves. My earlier years of my sex life gave me ample opportunity to encounter guys like this, as we were all young, I was only interested in sex, and I hurt the feelings of many a guy who thought it’d be going further than a one-occasion tryst. It resulted in me gaining a reputation as a bit of a maneater/slut/bitch* for a while, and I realized that the key part of avoiding that result in the future was to make it absolutely clear what my intentions were before clothes came off and hormones took over. You may want to fish around for dates of a more casual nature, and explain up front that you are really not interested in something serious at the moment, but think that your date may be a good candidate for an NSA arrangement. Most of the people who are going to be okay with this arrangement and not want to lead you into a SA relationship are going to be independent and fairly confident to start with, so you need to really look into the cues that people are giving you when they interact with you before you propose something like this. There’s a ton of unspoken behavior going on whenever you’re in the market for any kind of relationship/arrangement, and being able to observe and judge who is and is not an ideal candidate for the arrangement you seek is going to save you a lot of trouble in the long run.
*Granted, this reputation wasn’t completely undeserved; I was only interested in sex, didn’t state as such before things got physical, and then would immediately drop the person like a bad habit at any sign of inadequacy or physical incompatibility. It also didn’t help that I didn’t see a problem with “poaching” multiple members from the same social group-- you hurt the feelings of more than one guy in a friends group, and they start to form a collective opinion of you.
When I read the thread title, I thought the OP was seeking advice on getting a dildo.
Having read the OP, well, I wasn’t that far off the mark. Except a dildo doesn’t pay for dinner and movie :rolleyes:
Why with the rolleyes? There’s no need for that shit. Wah wah I bought this chick dinner, and she had sex with me, but she didn’t fall madly in love and my little ego can’t take it!
Did the OP indicate in any way that she’s looking for someone to buy her dinner? She’s looking for someone to hang out with and fuck once a week, without a commitment. Sounds reasonable to me.
I don’t see how this would be a problem for any girl, anywhere in an area where there are… well, men. Just be straightforward, and you’ll be set up and good to go within a couple of weeks.
Funny I should be saying that because well darn if he didn’t try that last night. Hmmm. Time for tightrope walking.