Any suggestions for how to rescue somebody from their total bastard psycho son?

I’ll pit this due to language, but I’ll also ask some advice after the conclusion of the story. And this is not a light or comedic rant but a story and request for advice regarding a thoroughly evily bastard. (I’ve changed just enough ID’ing details to disguise this guy’s identity, but nothing substantive is changed and in fact he’s worse than described.)

The father of my closest friend, a man of around 60, recently married his girlfriend of about three years, a 50-something upper-middle-class lady. They live in her very nice sub-suburban home outside of city limits with their dog, cats and her two grown sons. One son has special needs due to a severe mental illness and significant brain damage caused by a drug overdose in his teens (during which time he also tried to kill his mother with a knife); he’s the good one.

My friend had never met his other stepbrother until three months ago for a very good reason: the stepbrother lived in another state, the one where he was in prison. This son is an oxygen thieving piece of excrement, the only human being I know of whom I can honestly say that the world would be a better place if he were dead. He is first order scum and demands the term INCORRIGIBLE in letters the size of the Hollywood sign. He has been in and out of correctional facilities and psych wards since he was in elementary school. He abused animals as a child, causing a family dog to have to be put to sleep. (The current family dog is a docile but huge pit bull.) He has been an alcoholic and substance abuser since he was an adolescent and numerous trips to rehab have done absolutely nothing other than taking him out of circulation. When he was in his mid-twenties he was arrested following a high speed chase that ended when he crashed his car into a business, injuring two people (not seriously, but there were others including small children present who could have been killed had they been standing near where his car crashed) and he was both drunk and stoned at the time. It was his ninth conviction for DUI/DWI and he was sentenced to three years in prison. He served every day of it because even in prison he was incorrigible and spent more than a year in solitary confinement.

Upon his release he got court permission to come to Alabama where he moved in with an elderly relative. By this time his mother had officially washed her hands of him: she had no contact with him and she had even moved to another county without giving him her address, but through relatives he learned where she was, contacted her, and asked to come home with assurances his wicked wicked ways were behind him. Against her better judgment and the advice of her psychiatrist (for she suffers from clinical depression) but with the urging of her minister, her parents and her church members, she gave him another chance.

And he really did clean up his life and remain clean and sober, for almost an entire month after his relief. That’s when he began drinking again and within days was routinely staying out all night and coming in still drunk the next morning. His stepfather gave him a job that he performed for a while but then gradually stopped showing up for, though he did still expect to get paid. In the past three months since his release he has driven drunk many times, stolen his mother’s debit card and racked up hundreds of dollars in charges (but only enough to be considered petty larceny), been involved in several fights (no charges pressed), been accused of rape (the alleged victim dropped the charges, though he had already been released on bail), verbally abused his mother and his stepfather on numerous occasions, fallen in with some similar scum and has now begun selling pot. He also has managed to get several women, I can only guess all of them desperate gals in search of a Manson to watch over them, to give him money and let him live with them half the time, one of whom he has impregnated (he already has two children from before prison that he has no contact with) and is a complete psychopath, lying constantly and with absolutely no remorse for any of his actions or how they affect other people. He has even extorted money from his grandparents, though they refused to press charges even when practically begged by their daughter to do so.

His mother and his stepfather are in physical fear of him. They want him gone. He has made numerous threats against him but while malevolent and crazy and a user he’s also intelligent: all of them were carefully worded and implicit, none specific, stuff like “I’d be afraid of what might happen to you two if you kicked me out and I wasn’t here to protect you should some folks like the guys I know decide to break in one night… it would be days before anybody found your bodies”. He also swears he has “ins” with law enforcement and very rich friends “capable of almost anything”, and the craziest part is- he might. (He definitely has friends who drive very expensive vehicles and don’t work.) His own mother has said she sometimes secretly hopes he will one day drive drunk and get killed in a crash, and nobody can blame her.

They want him to leave, of course, but they’re afraid to make him. She could evict him of course and possibly- not definitely- even get a restraining order against him, but a restraining order against human vomit like this would be useless as they don’t have the resources to hire full time security and if they did, he’s good in a fight. She would love to see him arrested and returned to prison as she finally realizes that is where he needs to be, but he’s done nothing OVERT in her presence to warrant having him arrested, her calls reporting his drinking and driving essentially were dismissed with a “Ma’am, unless we catch him in the act there’s nothing we can do and we don’t have the manpower to set up a trap for him”, and while she considered pressing charges for the money he stole from her she was assured that this would result in a “turn yourself in” arrest and immediate release upon his own recognizance as “we just don’t have the court time and jail space for petty crimes like that”. She lives in terror of him. He’s a DATELINE lead story in formation; you can absolutely hear Stone Philips speaking his name and saying “county law enforcement agencies refused to return our calls, but one thing is certain, they did nothing. And that’s when it happened… more after this message from Metamucil when ‘They Did Nothing’ continues.”

FINALLY after three months of constant hell raising, implied threats, selling drugs, drunk driving and gods know what else, he was arrested last week for possession of marijuana and DUI. And this is where the story really gets rant worthy.

My friend has had definite issues with his father over the years (he was a deadbeat dad and general loser for about ten years when he began some minor and long overdue improvement) but he doesn’t want any harm to come to him. He has come to particularly like his stepmother, however- she’s a really good person cursed with a horrible child. (The other son is actually no problem these days; he watches TV and takes his meds and talks to himself but isn’t aggressive.) He has been worried sick over potential outcomes to this story.

When Bastard Psychopath Who Needs to Sign an Organ Donor Card and then Blow His Brains Out as it’s the Only Way He’ll Ever Contribute Anything Positive To Anyone (hereinafter BP) was arrested my friend saw this as a golden opportunity. Since police found pot in the car and he was driving under the influence (at exactly the border of felony and misdemeanor, incidentally, something like a .99999 instead of a 1 but it’s LEO’s discretion whether to round up or not) he was taken to the county lock-up. While the charge was not so horrible in and of itself- there are no telling how many DUIs per day in a city this size- the fact it’s at least his 10th conviction and that there are other circumstances at play could conceivably send him away for a long time. Unfortunately local law enforcement here as in other places is notorious for not doing thorough or even adequate background checks, and the fact this guy has changed his name in the past and that his prison sentence and several other DUI/violent run-ins/etc. occurred in another state complicate the matter.

That is why my friend (I’ll call him Earl) decided (against my advice, incidentally) to help the matter along. He called the anonymous information number, gullibly believing it really was as it professed to be anonymous, and asked to speak to the particular sheriff in charge of the case (who’s name he had gotten from the Internet for Alabama posts names, photographs, charges and other information for people in county jails). ‘Earl’ is very well spoken and (even though his life choices are the height of imbecility) he has excellent command of concise and super logical word choice. He had already resolved not to tell them anything about the drunk driving and fights BP has been involved in or the threats he has made or anything of the sort, only this:

“I wanted to ask you to please be sure and look at this guy’s information. He was only released from prison three months ago, he has a very long and violent criminal record, there is every reason to believe he is dangerous, and I do not wish to influence the investigation or process in any way other than to let you know about his record in case you have difficulty in retrieving it. His conviction was in _____ County, ___, he was incarcerated in _________ Penitentiary, his prior convictions include ________________, and he currently has no means of income, all of which can be verified through public and completely objective sources.”

He is told by the sheriff that “I don’t have any time to listen to somebody’s hearsay evidence and accusations.”

He informs him, very politely, that “this is not hearsay, it’s a matter of record and one you may already be aware of, but just in case I am bringing it to your attention as I know from personal experience that sometimes electronic information may not be full and complete”.

“Well if this is so important to you then why don’t you come talk to me in person? It’s easy to act like you’re important if nobody can see you. Why are you so afraid of giving me your name?”

Earl tells him the truth. “I know this person, he is a relative, I am physically afraid of him and so is the rest of my family. I do not wish to go into detail as to why, my sole purpose is to call and make sure that you have access to his records, which are as I’ve mentioned, and that is not due to a lack of faith in you but to a lack of faith in electronic information.”

The sheriff tells him “Well I can give you my word that absolutely nothing will be done unless you’re man enough to come talk to me face to face.”

And my friend, stupidly, went to the sheriff’s office. Now the sheriff is a fellow who seems to have a major chip on his shoulder over the fact that he really wanted to be Samuel Jackson but somebody else beat him to it; he looks like him, talks like him, even incorporates phrases of Jackson into his conversation (but I won’t quote him here). Even face to face he goes into the same asinine rigmarole of “Why should I take your word for it?” as if he has not listened to a word of what Earl has said.

“I am not asking you to, I am not making any accusations, I am only telling you what is already there and provable and verifiable…”

“My job in other words.”

“No sir, I am telling you…”

“I’ll tell you what you’re telling me, it’s that you happen to be just a good Samaritan who out of the kindness of his heart wanders in off the street to tell me this guy is dangerous.”

Earl assures him there is no kindness there, he has a motive and that is that he wants this guy to get the toughest sentence possible in the best interest of everybody. While he is answering questions as if being interrogated, Jackson tells his secretary to “bring in what I asked for” and as Earl is talking he puts down a photograph taken of Earl with a hidden digital camera somewhere in the room.

“Now I just wonder what we’ll find if we run this through the photograph databases…”

Earl is furious but he tells him the absolute truth. “You will find that I had a minor no-injury no-fault traffic accident and a ticket for running a red-light, both more than ten years ago.”

“So why are you afraid to give your name and let this man face his accuser?”

Earl wants to go off but he’s smart enough to know that Jackson would try and have him arrested for kiddie porn and attempted skyjacking, so he just says “I did not see any reason to give my name. That is why I called the anonymous line. If you are asking why I do not want him to know that I came by I have already answered that, I am afraid of him. For at least the fifth time I am not making accusations or allegations but merely saying that this man has a criminal record which is not hearsay and is verifiable. I am not afraid in the least to give you my name so long as I can be sure BP does not know I am talking to you.”

“Well what is your name?”

“Do I have your assurance you will not reveal it to him?”

“He never needs to know you were here. Now what’s your name?”

Earl gives him his name, his social, shows him his driver’s license when asked (which Jackson makes a photocopy of) and then tells him “Well, you’re free to go.”

Earl tells him “I was not aware I was being held for anything and if I was I cannot imagine what it would be.”

“Well, you were definitely being questioned and you were smart to cooperate.”

Earl leaves saying that he felt absolutely violated by the experience. He also learns that BP has already been arraigned and released and is waiting for a ride and somebody to post bail. Earl’s stepmother left BP in jail for a day and a half before finally, over the strenuous objections of her husband, leaving to pay $1,000 in fines and a $1,500 bond because BP had been calling and alternately cursing and pleading with his grandparents to come get him and they had called their daughter demanding she “go get that poor boy”.

So everything is back to before. BP is still driving home drunk and selling pot and the family is now more reluctant than ever to contact law enforcement for any reason. They are still afraid of him, so much so that they recently asked me for a can of Mace/Pepper gel that Earl told them I had a spare of (which I gave to them) and to borrow one of my handguns (which for I’m sure obvious reasons I did not and will not).

So, anybody had any situation like this in their lives? My family can be nuts but at least they’re not violent or criminal and I’m not in fear of any of them. Having never encountered a situation like this I’m at a total loss. Anybody have any suggestions that don’t involve passing large sums of cash to guys named Big Lou in the back of a strip club?*

Also, everybody is as furious as Earl (who does not exaggerate) over his treatment by the badged buffoon, but we realize the futility of making a complaint. Chances are his superior would be just as much of an “authority make real hard” asshole. Any suggestions here?

**
(Though I’ll admit I have a recurring fantasy in which BP spends Christmas with his mom and she gives him a bright red T-shirt that reads ‘WORLD’S BEST SON’ that he likes and puts on immediately, and when he leaves her house she immediately picks up the phone and tells some guy speaking through a synthesizer on the other end that “He just left. You can’t miss him. He’s wearing a bright red T-shirt that reads WORLD’S BEST SON… please make double sure he’s not moving when you’re done.)*

This thread is more suitable for MPSIMS. (And you can swear there, really.)

I’m not a lawyer, I just watch a lot of Law & Order. (DUN-DUN)

I’m pretty sure telling the sheriff about BP’s record is a waste of time (and not just because he’s a cheap Samuel L. knockoff). It’s the District Attorney who decides what charges to file and specifically, the prosecutor in BP’s case, who will be delighted to hear all about BP’s previous problems.

Earl might want to get a lawyer since the sheriff has a hard on for him. Earl’s lawyer will know the prosecutor and will be able to get the info where it can do some good.

Wow, does Earl ever make bad life choices.

That’s about all I got here. You can’t help people who won’t help themselves.

I suggest that the church that encouraged her ought to set up twenty four hour a day prayer and hymn vigils at her house. Keep it up for months after he is gone, and don’t suppose that he is going to stay gone.

Tris

I agree with this.

I second this. I know diddly squat about the inner workings of the justice system, but this worked for me once.

Several years ago, my daughter’s ex-boyfriend was arrested for DUI and domestic assault. He’d been arrested and convicted several times (and had even fired a gun at police officers), but these were all in different counties. For some reason, he wasn’t doing any serious jail time, just treatment programs and work-release. (Our theory is that the counties wanted to keep him working to support his kids – they didn’t give a damn that he was beating on the kids’ mothers – at least they weren’t a burden on the taxpayers.)

I wrote a letter to the county attorney telling him what I knew about the guy’s history. The attorney wrote back and thanked me, said he’d check it out. I don’t know if it helped or not, but this time, the guy was sent to jail. It was only six months, but six months is six months.

Criminal records are public information – tell Earl to gather it together and take it to the district attorney, or maybe to the newspapers. No way this guy should be loose.

Sad for your friend, Sampiro, yee-ha-ikes. In addition to what others have well-said, this stood out to me in your OP:

" One son has special needs due to a severe mental illness and significant brain damage caused by a drug overdose in his teens (during which time he also tried to kill his mother with a knife); he’s the good one."

Is this son currently helped by any state agencies? That might be another avenue of complaint for the family, and might see more attention sooner than the other routes.

What bad choices did Earl make? And who’s talking about helping?

Drop em and bust a cap.

I’ll second Rilchiam’s questions! WTF is that supposed to mean? The bad life choices seem to be BP’s. People who won’t help themselves seem to be the Grandparents and Mother. Earl tried to get this POS put away, which would seem to serve the common good. He was met by I’m-much-more-important-than-anyone-else-thinks, dickwad sheriff.

You said it best yourself…

Not even a clue…

Now, I’m not speaking as the definitive authority here, but once upon a time I knew a guy somewhat like this - threatening, subtle, carried lots of knives, etc. Was always talking about “his people” or something-or-other. Pretty threatening, to a bunch of scared kids in a small town.

(The night we found out he was full of crap, we had ourselves a party!)

To my mind, the thing about “friends who drive expensive vehicles and don’t work” is that they really don’t want to change that arrangement very much, and I’m thinking that at this point they may see PB as an amusing hanger-on, who can fetch for them as needed. As soon as he turns into a liability, they’re gone. As to friends in law enforcement, I don’t know, but it’s unlikely that a guy who’s had this much attention from the police is trusted in any structured criminal enterprise. He strikes me as way too unstable, especially since you said he’s had addiction problems of his own. He strikes me as someone who always needs favors from those higher-up, not someone who’s owed favors. (Unless he’s an informant also, and that carries its own problems.)

Basically, he’s bullshitting. If he could make a living being a criminal, he wouldn’t have to shake down your friend’s relatives. Have them get an improved security system, tell him to go blow, and take his criminal record to the DA.

(As I said, I am not liable for actions taken. Not valid outside of my apartment. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.)

I would juts like to echo the small concencus of “Go talk to a lawyer.”

This is a miserable situation almost akin to being held hostage, it must be so terrifying. I do not know what to do personally, but a lawyer could start the process of how to evict him, how to get a restraining order, and possibly the proper ways to influnce the local authorities to realize what a danger this man is to others.

I realize that none of these options really removes the danger in the situation, and there’s worry of exacerbating the whole thing, but I really do not know what else to say. I can’t remember specifically, but wasn’t there a historic Supreme Court decision which in laymans terms bascially said it was not the responsibility of the state/law enforcement to protect you. So even if you get a restraining order and ask cops to patrol your area more, there is still nothing that says, ‘Hey we can’t make sure this guy never gets near you, but if he does and we find out we’ll punish him after the fact.’

Another thing I’ve never figured out is this multiple DUI thing. It just boggles my mind how many times we hear about these cases. Personally I don’t have one, and I doubt I ever will; for the simple fact that I’m terrified of getting one. the state has successfully carved into my mind the supposed hell that you will go through, with the possibility of jail, court dates, fines, impoundment, loss of license, and general social stigma. So even though I subscribe to the Adam Carolla logic of driving under the influence, I still tend to be very careful. How is it that there are so many of these cases still driving around? Everyday in the paper you read about it. I don’t understand it, I just don’t.

(Sorry for the double post.)

If he’s got so many friends in law enforcement, why has he gotten that many DUIs?

Even I can’t make sense out of that last sentence in the third paragraph, let me see if I can try to word that better:

So even if you get a restraining order and ask cops to patrol your area more, there is still nothing that says, ‘Hey we’ll make sure this guy never gets near you,’ the best they can offer is ‘If he does break the restraining order or harms you and we find out we’ll punish him after the fact.’

I think I explained it the way I meant to this time. Now all we need is for someone to come along and point out how wrong I am about this.

Perchance did any of his phrases involve motherfuckin’ snakes on a motherfuckin’ plane?

My uncle lived with a woman that had a son like that. The kid terrorized all the other cousins for years at get togethers. My uncle left her a long time ago. This year he finally did what all of us figured would happen sooner. Her son the mentaly abhorant bastard from Hell murdered his mother this year. The crazy person will get you in the end.

You really only have three choices in a situation like this: Stand up to him, hope the system “works,” or run.

Obviously, the guy is dangerous and his elderly parents are scared. I don’t see “standing up to him” as a viable option. They don’t have it in them.

Hoping the system works is the standard option. It usually does, but we’ve all heard stories where it didn’t work…where the good guys get gunned down or otherwise harmed even though they followed the rules.

They could move, but they’d have to give up all contact with everyone in their lives. I don’t think they’d be willing to do that.

I think their only option at this point is to wait for him to really screw up. He will…we know that he’s taking no steps to change his life, so it’s a matter of time before he fucks up big-time. It’s not a pretty picture, but I don’t see anything else for these poor people. Best of luck to your friend.

It’s truly unfortunate, however people like this seem to cruise through life, minor instances like being in jail never seeming to bother them and threatening other people? Well, that’s just a way to get through Tuesday.

I’m going to go with the “move and tell absolutely no one where you are”. Beats the hell out of looking over your shoulder the rest of your life.