Any suggestions/opinions?

Hi…I’m new (obviously), and I was wondering what other people’s suggestions/opinions were about something…

I want to have sex, but Ive been told that it hurts the first few times and all…will it really hurt as bad as people say it will?



Hi. Welcome to the boards. Good luck with your first post, and may I be the first to say… “How you doin’?”.

Oh, and a touch of advice: Try a more descriptive thread title. “Any suggestions/opinions?” is pretty much a moot question in the IMHO forum.

After all that, I wish I had a better answer than “I don’t really know”… I’m a guy and it didn’t hurt me (but then I had a lot of practice :smiley: ) I’ve heard women are 50/50 on virgin sex hurting.

thirdly… the vagina is designed to pass a 7 human being, so what ever discomfort you may feel during your first sexual encounter(s) should soon pass…

[going for “replying to himself the most” world record…]

7 pound human being… not 7 human beings…

Welcome to the SDMB.

From personal experience, I can say that sex didn’t “hurt” the first time but it sure wasn’t fun. Don’t expect to have a beautiful moment of pleasure and an orgasm the first time you have sex or the first time you have sex with a new partner.

My advice: get yourself a vibrator or a dildo, now. Have some fun with yourself. This will do several things for you.

  1. You will know what you like and how you like it. A new partner can’t read your mind and can’t feel what you feel so he needs to know what you want. Talk to him.

  2. You will know what it feels like to put something penis sized in your vagina. This is important.

  3. You will be more relaxed with the feeling of penetration and you won’t tense up which can make it hurt.

Have fun, be safe and good luck.

the most common cause of pain during the first encounter is the breaking of the hymen (if it even still exists), and poor lubrication.
If you hymen is no longer intact (which is not unusual due to tampon use and other reasons) and you have no problem getting “wet” the chances of it being uncomfortable are greatly diminished.
Otherwise keeping a little extra lube handy is not a bad idea and can at the very least help things to become more comfortable faster.

Nervousness can also be a problem but just being aware of that nervousness can help you to remember to relax. If you have any experience masturbating, (sorry if this is too “adult” but you aer asking an “adult” question) then you are likely to have a lot less discomfort simply because of your own familiarity with your body.

:wink: Hello from one newbie to another!

Everybody’s experience will be different when losing their virginity, so I can only really tell you my own. Personally, I thought it hurt quite a bit the first time. I did it 7 or 8 times before there was no pain and I was really comfortable. However, many women do not experience this. A hymen can break well before you actually have sex, during either other sexual activities (ie, “fingering”), or even sports activities like gymnastics.
A few pieces of advice:

  1. foreplay, foreplay, foreplay! the more aroused / wet you are when it comes time for actual penetration, the easier it will be for your man to enter you, thus causing less pain
  2. relax! nervousness can cause muscles to tense up, making penetration more difficult
  3. use protection! and make sure YOU know how to use a condom, too - don’t necessarily assume the guy is going to know how
  4. make sure you have plenty of time, and there will be not interruptions…having a strict time limit will only serve to make you more nervous

Good luck! and remember, it most likely won’t be fabulous the first time, but practive makes perfect

Thanks for your help…I know my title wasn’t the best, but I’m not good at things of that sort… :slight_smile: i appreciate your help and all…

and, naw, its not too ‘adult’…

Thanks again…
~ FemaleOfFenwick ~

Relax! Seriously. Sex is supposed to be fun, if it isn’t you are doing it wrong. Try something new until its fun. I was very nervous about losing my virginity, to the point that I tensed up and couldn’t be penetrated, pain, etc. For weeks, until my SO and I just gave up on having sex. (He was not a virgin, but was willing to not torture me with the whole sex thing if it wasn’t working. We had figured out other fun things we could do.)

I finally lost my virginty by accident, in that we were wrestling around naked and laughing and we …um…slipped. Didn’t hurt a bit. Did surprise me and make me laugh all the harder though. (Feels funny when you aren’t expecting it. Feels funny when you are, actually too, but I had no real concept of it.)

Don’t worry about it. The idea about getting a vibrator and learning what you like is a good one. So is the one about understanding and having protection with you. Always keep yourself protected, guys are not the best with that.

And for any sexual endevor, don’t do anything you are uncomfortable with. Communicate a lot with your partner, openly and honestly, before doing anything. Have fun with it, sex and all its flavors/shades are great recreations.

My first time hurt more than I thought it would and I was already very nervous before we began. What’s nice is that my boyfriend was also a virgin and so we learned about sex together. There wasn’t a sense of disappointment for either of us because we’d never been with anyone sexually before each other. We didn’t fear being compared to someone else.

It’s not easy giving advice, I don’t know you from Eve. It could hurt a lot or you could feel almost nothing painful. Talk to your guy about your feelings and don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable or uneasy. Sex IS fun but you also need to take precautions with pregnancy and STD’s. Don’t expect the first time to be magical, something WILL go wrong if you expect perfection. My boyfriend was bigger than I thought (see first sentence) and I didn’t think he’d fit, we were in his friend’s bedroom during a party (kind of embarrassing since they knew what we were going to do) and I giggled a lot due to nerves… except at THAT moment :wink: . Just try to relax and maybe have some lubrication handy that isn’t oil-based, in case you use a condom. Good luck and remember it gets better the more you do it.