I came in to apologize…I was the first one to view the OP. And then I was embarassed and didn’t leave an apology post when I left and saw the view count. Sorry.
Well, I suppose it’s decent of you to own up. I’ll just have to try harder in future.
In my personal opinion, everyone reading this thread, posters or not, owes it to the spirit of the thread to try their best to create a vacuous thread title about some banal subject and have some insipid opening sentences that will dull the senses of anybody who does a mouseover. Mouseovers don’t affect the view count, do they?
We need at least ONE thread that goes at least as long as it takes to get off the first page(s) with 0 Replies and 0 Views. And if we could have at least two such threads, we can start a new thread to monitor their progress to see how long they can go before somebody breaks down and at least views them.
Then as soon as six months has gone by, somebody can view the one that looks least interesting.
An exercise in nihilism!
Zeldar:
Great idea. But, as I have discovered, it’s harder than it seems. If it’s obviously pointless, everyone will see the joke. It needs to seem real, but uninvolving. Unfortunately, I’m feeling disheartened already, because I can’t think of anything better than jjimm’s Guadeloupe thread.
But if it worked, it’d bring the board down. Just think: thousands of threads, unread and unresponded to. Punk and Dadaism all in one. 
Well, NineToTheSky, at the time of this post you’ve had 23 Replies and 358 Views, which puts you almost halfway to a new page! This might turn into the counterpart to the Truly Great Threads thread.
Just to show that my heart is in the right place, I did a vanity search on Zeldar using the “at most 0 replies” option and sorted ascending on number of views. I got 15 hits. I decided not to go to each one to get linking data, but just to show how fitting (to my post above) my efforts have been, here are my 15 losers:
=============================================
Music credits for TV movie: Jesse Stone: Sea Change
Zeldar 05-23-2007 09:33 AM
by Zeldar 0 11 Cafe Society
IMDB Challenge: worse than Vampira?
Zeldar Today 08:33 AM
by Zeldar 0 17 Cafe Society
Origin of the expression “origin of the expression”
Zeldar 04-14-2007 11:05 AM
by Zeldar 0 23 Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
Marian & Ray
Zeldar 06-01-2007 01:03 PM
by Zeldar 0 30 Cafe Society
Move a letter, make a new word – game
Zeldar 04-13-2007 08:32 AM
by Zeldar 0 39 Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
Comedy fans: X-number of “basic” jokes?
Zeldar 06-24-2003 12:29 PM
by Zeldar 0 39 Cafe Society
Camp Stew, Burgoo, Brunswick Stew, etc.
Zeldar 02-24-2009 05:21 PM
by Zeldar 0 56 Cafe Society
Tony Powers - Don’t Nobody Move (This is a Heist)
Zeldar 02-06-2006 10:19 AM
by Zeldar 0 66 Cafe Society
Stalking the Wild Idea (original plot)
Zeldar 10-22-2003 11:33 AM
by Zeldar 0 74 Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
Mystery Music from long ago
Zeldar 03-04-2007 09:14 AM
by Zeldar 0 83 Cafe Society
Word Pictures instead of Cartoons
Zeldar 08-09-2006 10:16 AM
by Zeldar 0 89 Cafe Society
Troglodytes
Zeldar 02-27-2009 12:15 PM
by Zeldar 0 117 In My Humble Opinion
Apropos of nothing
Zeldar 12-22-2005 11:42 AM
by Zeldar 0 140 Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
I wish somebody would start a thread about _________
Zeldar 07-18-2005 09:12 AM
by Zeldar 0 149 In My Humble Opinion
…and over on the flip side
Zeldar 08-06-2005 03:31 PM
by Zeldar 0 174 Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
=============================================
If anybody is up to the challenge, follow the steps I mentioned and post your own House of Shame candidates.
At the very least we need 51 replies to this thread!
Just thought of another wrinkle! At the time of this post, here’s the tally:
Who Posted?
Total Posts: 25
User Name Posts
NineToTheSky 9
Zeldar 9
mhendo 3
kittenblue 1
Bites When Provoked 1
Chez Guevara 1
jjimm 1
It would probably be a cheat to keep replying to your own thread just to pad its post count. Probably get it locked, too.
But, NineToTheSky, since you and I have accounted for 18 of the 25 posts, with only mhendo doing more than one, we might test the waters to see how high the tally can go. Besides, we might just be able to polish this turd into a true work of art.
And speaking of turds, I got this in email just the other day:
That “Truly Great Threads” thread led me to a “Funniest Threads” thread which led to the Blimp thread. Which I read.
During Physics lecture.
That was bad. I think I may hate you now,and the rest of the lecture hall keeps looking at me funny.
So as not to let this thread perish before its time, I have thought of another challenge for the interested reader/poster.
Notwithstanding my post #25 above, and this one referenced in NineToTheSky’s OP link to “Thread titles that will have 0 replies and 0 views”, there must be some threads where the Replies count and the Views count are close to the same number or at least less than a 2-to-1 ratio. I have looked through the first 30 pages of hits on a search on my username and have yet to locate a shining example, but I’m sure there must be some out there.
I assume it’s impossible to have a case where there are more replies than views, or I can’t imagine anything short of a software malfunction that would permit such a thing. But there ought to be at least one case where both numbers had the same number of digits, or were otherwise closest in number.
One note of caution, though. If you do run across such a thread, just copy its data off the listing of threads rather than opening it to get its link info. Opening it would jack up the Views count and spoil your efforts in the process.
Any takers for such a treasure hunt?
Any other challenges for locating other types of Turkey Threads?
Compare the first sentence in Post # 25 with this update, taken at 8:13 AM Mar/10:
Anyone recall this classified ad from the Times?
NineToTheSky Today 08:13 AM
by Zeldar 27 553
Heading toward a doubling of the Views count in One Day!
I was a fool to believe the 0/25 was ever in contention for such a cherished honour. However, I recall when posting the OP that it was probably ahead of its time, so I now intend to bump the thread in the vain hope it is now so interesting that record numbers of reads and responses will make it the most popular thread in Board History.
Moving swiftly on, your post #25 is most thought provoking, at least to those of us inclined to be provoked by such thoughts. I am wondering which is more meritorious - the 0/11 or the 0/174. My money is on the latter. 174 people, or maybe fewer if some of them read it twice, read that OP and not one of them was moved to respond, whereas it is no great surprise for 11 posters not to have a single thought between them.
I am also curious to know what circumstances combine to attract 11 and 174 reads respectively to an unanswered OP. The 0/174 was posted on a Saturday, generally a slow day, but the penultimate entry on your list (0/149) was submitted on a Monday, generally a busy day on the boards, so posting time doesn’t seem to be a major factor regarding read counts. The thread titles concerned are unexciting enough (that’s a compliment) so I would like to know what is occurring to produce such disparate results.
As soon as I see it, I’ll assist in getting it to the top of the stack! Maybe it’s one where we can get Replies and Views into close tally. 1/1 ratio after the 0/25 ought not take more than 50 replies to get the numbers close. Just know this: If you read it, you MUST reply, even if it’s just to say “replied.”
By all means it’s the 0/174. That’s the mark of a Pure Turd!
That is baffling to a degree, but I write it off less to the time of day/week and more to a recognition of who started the thread! 
Yo, Chez, when I decided it was worth the 5 minutes to locate your mystery thread, I was startled to see that your response rate is rather low in general:
=====================================================
Showing results 1 to 25 of 179
Search took 0.07 seconds. Search: Threads Started By: Chez Guevara
US Congress Members - Second Homes
Chez Guevara 02-17-2009 04:55 PM
by Bijou Drains 8 308 General Questions
Looking For US News Video
Chez Guevara 02-05-2009 11:39 AM
by Chez Guevara 0 26 Cafe Society
When Neighbours Go Bad
Chez Guevara 01-27-2009 08:06 PM
by Bites When Provoked 43 2,873 The BBQ Pit
Subscription By Cheque
Chez Guevara 01-12-2009 02:09 PM
by SkipMagic 1 80 About This Message Board
Pulp Fiction - The Bonnie Situation
Chez Guevara 11-27-2008 06:46 PM
by FriarTed 22 1,347 Cafe Society
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (Spoilers)
Chez Guevara 11-25-2008 05:13 AM
by constantine 6 299 General Questions
The Philosophy of Vomiting - Poll (No TMI)
Chez Guevara 11-23-2008 11:50 AM
by MN_Maenad 19 612 In My Humble Opinion
Test
Chez Guevara 11-04-2008 05:33 PM
by yojimbo 1 49 About This Message Board
Politics in GQ
Chez Guevara 10-30-2008 09:43 PM
by Colibri 5 194 About This Message Board
Poll - Aristocracy v. Peasantry
Chez Guevara 10-16-2008 09:55 AM
by Capt. Ridley’s Shooting Party 5 127 In My Humble Opinion
Price Relationship - Crude Oil Versus Home Heating Oil
Chez Guevara 10-12-2008 09:37 AM
by Mycroft H. 2 70 General Questions
Old San Francisco Streetcars & Port de Sóller (Mallorca)
Chez Guevara 10-08-2008 02:50 PM
by Sandra Battye 8 202 General Questions
Murder Victim’s DNA on Sausage Eaten by Dog - Possible?
Chez Guevara 09-10-2008 07:49 PM
by scm1001 3 137 General Questions
British Interviewees on European TV
Chez Guevara 09-07-2008 01:47 PM
by Chez Guevara 4 353 General Questions
‘Sent For Retraining’
Chez Guevara 04-30-2008 03:55 PM
by muldoonthief 9 544 In My Humble Opinion
Fighting Ignorance Since 1973
Chez Guevara 04-28-2008 04:27 AM
by Chez Guevara 7 662 About This Message Board
Golf: The Majors & The Cut
Chez Guevara 04-12-2008 06:23 AM
by blinkingblinking 1 55 The Game Room
Faulty Instructions in Song Lyrics
Chez Guevara 04-03-2008 09:12 PM
by Thudlow Boink 24 657 Cafe Society
Edward Bulwer Lytton’s ‘The Lady of Lyons’
Chez Guevara 03-28-2008 03:06 PM
by Chez Guevara 0 69 Cafe Society
Ruby As An Irish Name For A Boy
Chez Guevara 03-17-2008 10:18 AM
by Elendil’s Heir 5 356 General Questions
Disappeared Post
Chez Guevara 03-16-2008 10:58 AM
by Chez Guevara 0 81 About This Message Board
Dungeons & Dragons
Chez Guevara 02-06-2008 02:49 PM
by Rube E. Tewesday 7 902 Comments on Cecil’s Columns
Sock Sponsorship
Chez Guevara 02-06-2008 08:16 AM
by TubaDiva 26 1,983 About This Message Board
Slang Term - Roller Skater
Chez Guevara 02-02-2008 10:32 AM
by AskNott 1 168 General Questions
Changing A Surname In The US
Chez Guevara 01-31-2008 10:49 AM
by Walloon 15 446 General Questions
Showing results 1 to 25 of 179
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All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:39 AM.
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Now, there are some definite jewels in there that have gotten some good play, and I may go pay closer attention to them (and others) now that I’ve looked at this list.
Are there any in particular that you want to see more action on? Perhaps older ones?
I consider my posts to be far apart from the zeitgeist of this message board and fully expect that in years to come they will be recognised for what they are, namely (a) beacons of wisdom forever shining brightly in a desert of indifference or (b) total shit.
To be fair, about 75 percent of the list comprises straight questions to which I was curious to know the answer. (In so saying, I must exclude the one about the murder victim’s DNA being on a sausage eaten by a dog.) Where no answer has been forthcoming I just assume nobody has it, or knows where to find it. Either that, or people do know and want to keep it to themselves just because it’s me who is asking.
I wouldn’t mind seeing a response or two concerning Bulwer Lytton’s play The Lady of Lyons. This is the thread I touted as 0/25 but which has now reached the dizzy heights of 0/27. I choose this topic for two reasons. I had intended to bump this thread on 28 March. This will be the anniversary of its debut in Cafe Society and I wanted to see if anybody would notice it was a year old.
Also, it would seem there was about as much audience interest in the play as there is in my questionable contributions to these forums. 
I can see where you want to go with this but the task would require a co-ordinated effort of constant posting by two or more people in a very short space of time. Even given that effort, by the time the reply count got close to 50 then more posters would read the thread on the basis that if a thread has nearly 50 responses there must be something of value inside it. As we all know, this is not necessarily true.
I want to put these zero response/low view threads described above into some kind of perspective. I found an OP in ATMB entitled This is only a Test. The contents of this OP are exactly ‘testy, test, test.’ No more, no less. A mouseover reveals all. The OP has 0 responses and 45 views at the time of this posting.
And so, whereas only 26 posters showed any interest in Looking For US News Video, 11 checked out Music credits for TV movie: Jesse Stone: Sea Change, and 10 were curious about Guadeloupe, a massive 45 posters decided to open This is only a Test, just in case there was anything else in the OP apart from ‘testy, test, test.’
I’ll come back to this subject later.
Good point. I realized this very thing after I had posted it. The best we could do would be to run up the replies with open/post open/post in the dark of night or over a weekend and then sit back and watch the counts diverge. As long as the thread is sitting there idle, folks will leave it alone. But once it starts hopping, the curious will open it to read, find nothing there, and go away angry. Views rise, but replies remain stuck.
No justice. And on top of that, it would run the risk of getting locked as an example of post-padding or the like.
I have been a vicarious fan of Bulwer Lytton for several years after seeing the fiction contests in his honor each year. If only he could join us in our venture of creating threads that defy viewing and certainly response. I’ve noticed that NoClueBoy has gone inactive lately, but back in my early days here I could rely on his taking a ball and running with it when idiocy was the mood of the day. We had a habit of hijacking each other’s threads and taking them to places nobody else wanted to follow. Many of them got locked in fairly short order, so I know of which I speak.
Senses of humor have definitely tapered off.
Since I failed to do so myself before replying to your post, do you know if there’s a transcript of the Bulwer Lytton play online so we could rip off some of his prose and post it as our own (with random changes so we could claim it as original). Better still, if we could find several sources of his works and splice together random paragraphs from one and then another to give the impression of a story that just didn’t seem to hold the author’s attention too long at a stretch.
That ought to drive away the casual viewer who opened the thread hoping for something of value!
First thing, here are some comparison data:
Now this morning:
Anyone recall this classified ad from the Times?
NineToTheSky Today 01:37 AM
by Zeldar 35 759
Over 200 views in just over 24 hours. It’s 11:07 AM as I type this.
=================================
Next a follow-up to comments concerning NoClueBoy. I must have spent over an hour, in several tries of looking up threads of mine, posts by him, and then finally hitting on the answer by way of a keyword search on “Chuck Berry” which I remembered from the thread itself.
Threads you started: Success vs. Failure started 07-04-2003, 08:11 AM and had these ending statistics:
Threads you started: Success vs. Failure ( 1 2)
Zeldar 08-24-2003 06:10 AM
by Zeldar 50 742 Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
Who Posted?
Total Posts: 51
User Name Posts
Zeldar 19
NoClueBoy 10
if6was9 4
handy 1
Electronic Chaos 1
Blonde 1
Mudshark 1
Necromancer 1
kniz 1
Mariemarie 1
HerMajestyLorna 1
moejuck 1
NothingMan 1
Aesiron 1
Musicat 1
AngelicGemma 1
Ranchoth 1
Audrey Levins 1
Ringo 1
japatlgt 1
Thunderclap Monolith 1
I realize this is a terribly self-indulgent exercise, but I just had to see if my memory of my first months at SDMB was any count. The fact that it took so long to find lets me know the memory is at least fuzzy, but not altogether shot.
I’ll try hard not to shit on this thread any more.
Nothing to add but a stats update:
Captured before opening the thread just now:
Yesterday 11:25 AM
by Zeldar 36 828
Versus
One new reply (mine) but 69 new views.
It’s working. The curiosity continues.
Who will break the spell?
When will it end?
Anyone recall this classified ad from the Times?
NineToTheSky
Yesterday 08:39 AM
by Zeldar
37 896
Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
It keeps going, and going…
Come on 1,000!
I’m sorry I haven’t been supporting you recently in your endeavours, but will this help?