Being a companion aboard the Tardis would be incredibly exciting. It might not be a “job” in the sense of providing a steady income, but room and board seem to be taken care of. Travel and adventure are the main perks. On the other hand, there’s no room for advancement and the retirement plan sucks. There’s a good chance of ending up dead, stranded, or with your memory wiped. One guy who did actively try to plan for his future ended up with nothing but hole in his forehead to show for it.
Why does it matter where Lazarus is? He’s not the boss of the Longs; Tamara is. Or perhaps Maureen, once she arrives. If Tamara likes you, everyone else will accept you. If Tamara dislikes you, no one else’s opinion matters, as anyone who likes you, upon hearing that Tamara does not, will automatically assume that they, not Tamara, is wrong.
I’m going to jump into a job as the third detective of the Psych agency. I think I could spend a year running around Santa Barbara pretending to be a psychic, since its a learned skill I’ll be as good as Shawn. And since I’ll only be there for one season I can help build the sexual tension by banging Jules while Shawn gets all angsty.
One does not bang Jules, sir! She is a lady. One makes sweet, sweet love to her, in whatever fashion she prefers, to the music of Barry White, and afterwards one gets down one’s knees and thanks Ishtar for one’s good fortune.
No, only the hero can make sweet love, I’m the evil bastard who doesn’t care for her so that she can figure that out and realize how good Shawn is. Me having sex with Jules would be bad in the eyes of the audience so it would be banging because I can’t love her like Shawn can.
I don’t want to take the chance of getting caught up in any of The Senior’s schemes. Things get…broken.
I want a position where I know Tammy, where Laz and Lor occasionally drop by for some tag-team fun, and nobody is looking to involve me in anything plot-related.
Lapis Lazuli & Loralai Lee are sisters (sort of), you perv. That’s incest!
Not that the Longs would care, of course. Even aside from Lazarus, who did both of them, his mother, and at least two of his first-family sisters, the Howards of Tertius-era did not generally sweat incest. Though I think even that was a new development–that is, attitudes had changed during the 300 years or so of Ira’s lifetime, as he still felt the ghost of the taboo but his daughter Hamadryad did not. I seem to recall that she wanted to bear his child the old-fashioned way but had to sweetly cajole him into it.
Well shoot. Who knew that in the time it took for me to get to a computer to post my request that half the discussion would be about the Long family and Tertius.
Nonetheless (and at the risk of appearing repetitive), I’m seeking employment as deckhand on the Dora, or barring that, some domestic position in the Long household.
Can I get the gig as Lt. Governor in the Blazing Saddles world? Anyplace where you can hold off an angry mob by threatening yourself is likely safer than here.
Sign me up for the same government agency that Dr. Alex Murry works for, in A Wrinkle in Time. I’m working to gain a greater understanding of that branch of physics/math anyway, so the learning machine would be welcome, and I’m certainly temperamentally suited for the work. Sure, there’s a chance of getting stranded on some strange planet, but that’s what we call an “adventure”.
And I realize that there’s no guarantee that I’ll be able to catch the eye of a Nobel-laureate biologist, but it can’t hurt to try.
Maintenance man on the Doctor’s TARDIS - get to go to all sorts of fun worlds, but not being an official Companion, I wouldn’t have to actually go outside the TARDIS once the danger starts!
I hold no illusions that she’d let me fix her chameleon circuit, but repeated attempts would be a good excuse to stick on board the old girl once the Daleks are ready to descend on the Doc.
Skald, can you get me a job at the Cafe Diem, in Eureka? I’m already a pretty good baker. With the endless resources of it’s refrigerator/freezer I could do even better.
I get…weak in the knees…thinking about a cooler that’s so big one needs a map to find one’s way around in it.
Business systems analyst and developer for the Bureaucratic Devae of the Seven Mounting Heavens of Celestia. Good hours, nice perks, and with luck, I can talk some of the more forward-thinking archons into moving to a fully-integrated database package to help them track logistics in the endless War On Fiends. (The hells will have paperwork. The heavens have relational databases.)
Ooh, I thought of another one. Computer enbugger for Hex, at Unseen University (I would say “debugger”, but this being Hex and all, that might not be a good idea). I’ve already got some ideas on how to introduce photolithographic integrated circuits to the Discworld. And I’m aware that Discworld wizardry requires an element of inherent ability (not granted by the machines) in addition to learning, but neither Ridcully nor Stibbons strikes me as the sort to hold a lack of magic against a person.
Deal, but you have to bring me back some goodies that taste exactly like, oh, double-chocolate cake for instance, and yet do nothing bad to my blood sugar.
A HOT Nobel-laureate biologist.
No, I take that back. Meg’s mother was beautiful, but I’m not sure she was hot. I’m not saying she WASN’T, just that I’m not sure.
You realize she was Poly O’Keefe all growed up, right?
Boy, would I love to be Dr. Doom’s Assistant Administrator, Latverian State Public Affairs Division. I mean, I guess Dr. Doom would have a governmental agency like that or something similar.
I think in Latveria a girl probably wouldn’t get to be the actual Director but I’d settle for Assistant.
Probably pretty high pressure because if I messed up I’d most likely be killed, but the perks and bennies are no doubt pretty sweet.
Also, how fun to convince my fellow countrymen and the world that not only is Latveria a kickin’ place to live, but that snotty Reed Richards and his trio of holier-than-thou do-gooders will NEVER triumph! Muwahahah!!
