You haven’t mentioned anything that requires treatment. She’s disorganized and messy, that’s not a disease, nor indications of poor health. If you don’t like the way she is you should tell her, and then find someone who you do like.
No, I mean you shouldn’t diagnose her, either. It’s enough that you know she has a problem, which might not be ADHD. But no one here can possibly know, either. I’d encourage her to get help, but don’t assume you know what’s up. Maybe couch it in terms of her being generally unhappy/stressed rather than saying she fits the criteria for ADHD.
Concentrate on this. Ignore your belief that she’s ADHD, since that is really irrelevant to the situation at this point. While you think she has it, she doesn’t perceive it as a problem so anything you say will isn’t likely to be accepted or welcome. Talk to her about her depression and stress. If she’s willing to talk to someone about that then they can deal with whether she has ADHD if they feel it is appropriate.
That alone can produce the symptoms you list. She may need medical help, but it will need a specialist to figure out where the treatment should begin.
Holy crap. The op says “hey I suspect my girlfriend has a problem and I would like to get her help, what do I do?” and rather than answer the question asked you criticize him for asking the question?
He isn’t planning on treating her. He just wants her to talk to someone. The Sdmb used to be a good place to ask questions like that. What the hell happened? This op is really clearly not asking if the board agrees she has adhd. Stop picking nits.
Op, start by talking to your girlfriend. You don’t know what’s up but you are in a relationship with her and you need to actually talk to her about the issues you are having. You can not control her choices but you can communicate honestly about your feelings.
Edit:it seems that I was reading a version of the thread that was a bit old and it had already dialed back on the reaction. The last post I saw was FS telling him that doctors don’t treat family.
I don’t knownwhether this person has ADHD or not. But 1) being disorganized is one symptom of ADHD and 2) the description included more than this symptom.
ADHD by goddamn sure is appropriate for treatment. There’s also no reason to exhaust a list of other possibilities before getting an evaluation done.
It is in part due to such asinine beliefs that ADHD often goes undiagnosed into adulthood.
You know, you seem like you’re very caring and supportive of your partner. Why not just lay it out to her like you did here? Speaking from experience, it’s not impossible that she’s got ADD/ADHD of some sort and has gone through her life thinking she’s irresponsible and deficient and just plain sucky – it has probably not occurred to her that her “negative” traits could be attributed to something like ADD. That in itself can lead to depression in an undiagnosed person. (By the way, I found that a lot of my “negative” ADD traits could be turned positive once I understood them and learned to corral them into useful habits.)
Just be honest and supportive when talking to her about this. From the way you’ve expressed yourself here I think you’ll do just fine with it.
I disagree. I think depression, binge eating, the inability to pay attention to anything beyond your pets and feeling like your wasting your life on your career are all valid reasons to hope she gets checked out by a mental health professional. And it’s a nice thing that her significant other is so concerned for her well being. I also don’t think that’s misplaced given the information he’s shared, nor do I think it can solely be dismissed as him simply disliking her personality now.
And I co-sign the last several posters. I don’t know if she had ADHD or not, but hopefully, talking to her and gently encouraging her to seek some help because you want her to have as full and happy a life as possible, is definitely not a bad thing. You’re doing right by her.
Sorry–I didn’t mean to imply that I thought he was going to treat her. Just that it’s not a good idea for him to diagnose her just because he has a medical background.
I never implied that I thought he was going to treat her either, despite his reactions to my posts-I just objected to his absolute surety of diagnosis.
Being enough of a powerhouse student to be accepted into medical school and become a doctor in the US and being ADHD are not usually two things you see going together all that often. She may be an exhausted, distracted, conflicted, somewhat depressed slob and still not have ADHD.
As a second point, not to criticize you, but you sound very like some parents I have met with messy, distracted, borderline out of control kids who are bound and determined to chase down a diagnosis of some kind vs instead of being authoritative parents. In this case you have someone who treats your living space like a garbage can, and treats you like a piece of furniture unless they want something. That’s not ADHD that’s an exhausted person in a stressful place, who’s somewhat contemptuous of you. I know you want to “fix” this problem but she is an adult woman and a doctor and you chasing her with an ADHD diagnosis is not going to end well.
It’s a trope that male doctors tend to eject their wives and girlfriends/SO’s soon after they become doctors. If she is actively dismissive of you and your desires to have a decent living environment per your OP, it sounds like your expiration date is getting near.
They’ve been together six months. That hardly fits your scenario.
Slight aside - as the parent if a child with ADHD, those of you without would be surprised what they are capable of. Yes, medical school and careers are all possible.
OP. - since you are asking about approach, I would just focus on being worried about your partner. You’ve listed many good examples of reasons to worried. Open doors, blinkers, binge eating, etc. but you really don’t know whether it’s ADHD, stress, or depression, or some combination caused by these lovely 24 hour on shifts she’s doing.
Let her know she’s not alone. Maybe do some research and find a few names of psychiatrists she can see. Offer to schedule the appointments and take her. The important thing is that the conversation is not an accusation about another way she sucks. It’s an acknowledgement that she’s going through a tough time right now and you want to help her get help.
Did she have these behaviours before you moved in together? Was she tidy and organized, spent her time off doing wonderfuly productive things? Maybe home is her sanctuary where she doesn’t have to be on and going 24/7. Maybe work is getting even more stressful.If she has always been scattered and disorganized, then yeah maybe she does have ADHD and it is complicating her life and it might be a good idea to see a professional but ADHD doesn’t simply show up. If these things only seemed to develop once you started living together, I think it is less ADHD and more things that need to be addressed in the relationship.
Not every behaviour is a sign of a problem that needs to be examined diagnosed and treated.
Talk to her, listen, try a little empathy. The cynic in me is cherry picking what little info is given ( I don’t like it, she is stubborn, if I convince her with facts and science these behaviours are warning signs, it will change!) Even your title “Approaching an adult ADHD patient” shows me that you have decided that is the problem and no need to look elsewhere.
Sure anything is “possible”. How likely is it that someone with pronounced, unmedicated ADHD passed the performance gauntlet of pre-med, medical school and residency to become an accredited doctor in the US?
Sure it’s “possible” but (IMO) not likely. It sounds like the OP’s girlfriend is simply an exhausted slob who is tired of him.
So, you’re the self appointed spokesperson for all of us?
Wow.
On what are you basing your opinions?
Here is a list of successful people with ADHD/ADD. Among them are James Carville and Ed Hallowell, MD. People with ADD are often successful; it’s just harder to get there and takes ways of thinking that are different from the norm. But it’s hardly uncommon.
Actually it’s really, really possible. ADHD folks thrive on high adrenaline and stress (it acts like a natural stimulant which ADD drugs try to emulate). They can produce high quality output under extreme pressure (like a few hours before a deadline) or under high stress situations. It’s the day to day planning and organizing that trips the ADHD brain up.
Where does this ‘trope’ come from? Sounds out of date as many doctors I know date other doctors, getting together early in medical school then marry. We’ve also not got any reason to believe it applies to the OP.
I also know doctors with a short attention span- shock! horror!
Anyway my boyfriend has ADHD symptoms, and has an extremely successful career though has done very badly in previous jobs which required less creativity and more organisation. (ETA - just seen IvoryTower’s post, which definitely applies in his case!) However, he also displays many of the same traits as the OP’s partner- disorganisation piling up to an scary degree, messiness, easily distracted by screens. OP, I encourage you both to get help as a couple - perhaps counselling which can help explore your frustrations and her depression. Be aware that medication won’t be an insta-cure, and might take away some of the best bits of her personality as well as the annoying bits. Try and put in workarounds for some of her habits- see if you both can come up with some coping strategies.
No question my profession of real estate sales is lousy with them and there are lots of very successful people who are still quite distractable in any number of different businesses. However, being a medical doctor in the US is a somewhat different kettle of fish and requires a long term, very intensive task focus to succeed. While there may be some ADHD medical doctors the real world number of unmedicated people with pronounced ADHD who would be able to do the scholastic work necessary to be a US doctor is (again IMO) extremely tiny.
It’s a lot more likely that a new doctor pulling long hours under stressful conditions is simply an exhausted sloppy person rather than an ADHD sufferer although I can see how a worried neatnik SO might want to attach a disease label to this behavior.