I’d say, “Whip it out…” They shut up fast, usually… usually.
While I am an old guy, raised in a time of reticence about things like the size of a guy’s Johnson, I have spent a fair amount of time in scholastic and collegiate varsity locker rooms, barracks, dormitories, fraternity houses, bars and taverns of every kind, character and descriptions, I have never, never heard anyone comment favorably on the size, potency, power or might of his own personal, private organ. Where have you people been hanging out? What sort of people bring this sort of stuff up (please pardon the phrasing) in general conversation?
I imagine “younger generation” might be key words here…
I thought it was written somewhere, possibly engraved in stone, “As proof of being a man, thou shalt boast of: thy member’s size, thy potency, thy virility, thy studliness, thy sexual prowess in all forms…”. I figured it must be since it’s brought up everywhere imaginable! Since when did the size of your manroot equal your male-ness? I once thought (silly me) that it had more to do with your behaviors and responsibilities than physical endowments. “Be a man, grow a dick.”
A Lettermanesque “Your mother must be so proud?”
Depending on the particular boast, “Don’t believe everything your mother tells you” could work.
“How nice for you.”
If you get the tone right, you’ll scar them for life.
-I have a large penis.
-I have a small vagina.
That usually works for one of my attractive pettite friends. Sorry, no pictures ;).
Never read it that way, till now.
Background: A guy I worked with slipped on the ice and broke an arm. Some time later, he commented on his size. I said “That really helped you when you broke your arm.”
This works with any negative thing:
That really helped you with screwing up the Smith deal.
That really helped you with your daughter’s arrest.
That really helped you during the blackout.
Once on a class trip many years ago someone was bragging about their equipment. I remarked with the old standard:
“It’s not the size of your pen, but how you sign your name.”
My teacher overheard and he interjected:
“Nekosoft, I’ve seen your handwriting and it’s nothing to brag about either.”
Must be the time of day. That’s why the parenthetical remark was included–it had to do with some documentary I saw about about evolution & sex, or something to that effect.
As for being amusing, that’s hardly the point. The only time I’ve laughed while hearing a yo-mamma joke was when I was thinking about something else. The point is to draw attention to a non-obvious aspect of something in a manner striking enough to shock a person into a little thought. (Kind of like the defense attorney’s use of swearing in Inherit the Wind.) That’s why the Small Vagina remark is so wonderful.
You don’t have to say anything… all you have to do is point and laugh.
Shout VERY loudly, "Hey everybody, this guy say’s he has an enormous cock!! He won’t shut up about how emensely huge his dick is!! Everyone gather round while he whips it out for us!!"
That should hopefully cause him ample embarrassment.
If he’s straight, you can mutter (loud enough for him to hear) to yourself “Why are gay guys always hitting on me?”
Similar to Wonko’s & asked as if responding to a silly and cute, but wholly unbelievable lie from a little child: “Do you drive a Hummer, too?”
If this is a contest, I vote for the irishgirl’s come-back.
But FCMom has the best response, just walk away.
How often does this happen to you? I can’t think of the last time some guy started a coversation about his penis size with me.
Is this a standard come on these day?
See my above response (written in stone)…
I had a friend working inbound telemarketing back in the 80s. She said nutcases were always calling late at nice and talking smack. So one night she’d had enough, looked around to make sure a supervisor wasn’t close, because they weren’t suppose to answer back, and said “Well if its THAT big why are you on the phone calling me at 2 am instead of putting it to good use?” He called her a bitch and slammed the phone down.
What about the guys that talk about how small it is, or how crooked it is (not kidding here).