The Mrs. and I are 56, and the attraction that brought us together at age 15 is still there. So lust for a particular person is definitely sustainable over decades.
Young people have the faces given them by chance. Old people have the faces they’ve earned.
I’m 56, married for 27 years, and though my wife has changed considerably from the young beauty I married, I still find her attractive and still want her in my bed for more than just warmth and companionship.
I’m sure I’ve changed considerably too.
The couples in those male enhancement ads show what sex after 50 is supposed to be like. They have lust for their spouse on the brain.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with you or the relationship-but it is sad. There are certainly many couples as old or older that find each other attractive. You don’t have to be in your situation-it can be changed. I would a) work on how you view your SO to focus on the many positives, and b) discuss things that the SO can do to change things. It may not be nearly as hard to fix as you think. But like any good relationship it improves with effort. Good luck.
Well…not quite.
(Maybe mildly NSFW.)
I don’t get how changing one’s attitude is going to make them suddenly attracted to their elderly wife.
I mean, you can’t help what you’re attracted to right?
All these people claiming to still have a physical attraction to their plus fifty SO, I’m not sure it’s correct to say you’re physically attracted to them. You’re attracted to them because you have a shared history and a genuine love for one another. (Which is great!)
If you were truly physically attracted to your elder SO, then you would also find other women/men with similar traits equally attractive.
I think it’s more accurate to say that you have an attraction, that has evolved beyond or transcends that of the flesh.
Not. Clicking. That.
Ladies with clothes on & a Soul trump the nude & Soulless.
Every time.
You seriously don’t think there are any 50+ year olds who are objectively attractive? I do live in an exceptionally fit city, but I see attractive ladies in their fifties all the time.
No, that’s not at all what I said. Sure hot 50+ year olds exist, but they are the exception and not the norm. And even when you compare these 50+ year olds to a hot 20 something, well, they’re not quite as hot by comparison.
My grandparents were going strong into their 90s and he did find other women who looked similar to her attractive (he was a horndog in general, but the women with wrinkles on their wrinkles that he found attractive looked like grandma); she does find men who look similar to what he did attractive (yes, similar to what he looked like at 90+, not just to what he looked like at 20 or 40). My parents’ own lack of sex life beyond their mid-40s was due to other issues; he looked like James Stewart and Mom finds the mature Stewart a lot more attractive than the version young enough to be called Jimmy, he did find women who looked like her attractive.
Dude, you just said you didn’t believe the people who said they were attracted to their spouse were physically attracted. It’s right there in the post you made.
And yes, in general a hot young person will be hotter, just looking at them out of context, than a much older person. Luckily for humanity, most of us are capable of feeling genuine sexual desire for people outside the top 10% of raw physical beauty.
I believe people when they say they get the hots for their 50+ yo SO. I’m just saying it would be incorrect to label that as physical attraction because it completely ignores the bias that naturally goes along with a loving couple.
If you bothered to read the bolded part of my OP, you’ll notice that in my humble opinion, it’s something more than just physical attraction. Which is frankly, a beautiful thing.
Getting back to nogwart, what about your wife, is she interested in having sex, or no? Also, what about intimacy? Is there intimacy in your relationship?
I hear there are now pills for this.
In all fairness, hot 20-somethings are the exception too. Everyone under the age of 30 does not, in fact, look like an extra from Gossip Girl.
One of the surprising side effects of each person owning their own brain is that they all don’t have the same thoughts as you.
I think people are only “bothered” because you are coming across like some know it all kid who think life ends at 29.
Although in fairness, you do have a point. Whether it’s 50 or 70 or 34 at some point your wife will turn into a gross old lady.
Well, that’s only fair, as I’m working hard at becoming a gross old man.
[details redacted]
I don’t know if anyone is “supposed” to do or be anything. It certainly is possible to be attracted to one’s SO after 50 years. But it also possible to NOT be attracted. Being married doesn’t require an individual to feel or not feel a certain way.
That isn’t really true- men who marry much younger women tend to be less wealthy, less well educated and less ‘attractive’ than the average.
I’d imagine what’s going on there is that cultural liberalism correlates with IQ and socioeconomic status, and more culturally liberal people are going to be more interested in modern, ‘equal partnership’ type marriages than in traditional gender roles, and will be more likely to find that sort of thing with people the same age. There migt be other explanations. Regardless, the typical guy who marries someone much younger is more like this guy:
than this guy:
If only there were a thread that would discuss this. Or a song.
Whoa-My-God! I’m so very sorry, folks!
Dopers, this was what is commonly known as a “drunk-post”. I didn’t even remember making this thread until randomly browsing today. I was drunk and feeling neglected, so I posted something very stupid and untrue about my wife. FUCK! I’m an extremely stupid, idiot who deserves to be beaten, but I DO, in fact, find my wife VERY physically attractive 99.999% (ok, at least 90%) of the time, and do enjoy sex with her often enough to make me feel that we have a happy, successful marriage. Perhaps not as often as some, but often enough for me. The statement I made that I would lie, cheat, steal, kill and die for her is completely true. She’s the mother of my children, is an excellent, fantastic mother and wife, has solved severe family problems that I had no clue how to solve, and has rescued my children on numerous occasions from serious scholastic, social, and biological issues. Her support has gotten me through the worst times of my life: the death of all of my grandparents and the death of the best dog I’ve ever known which she bought for me as a puppy when we were dating as a birthday present, and I will love her always.
I apologize profusely for causing anyone to waste any time whatsoever giving thoughts/advise on my “problem”.
I realize there will be those that suspect that this post is a defensive tactic in case my wife ever finds this forum. To those, I can offer no proof, so believe what you will.
I WILL NEVER DRINK AND POST
I WILL NEVER DRINK AND POST
I WILL NEVER DRINK AND POST
X 1,000,000 (at least)
I did not see that coming.
I’ll call it a happy ending. However, maybe we should start a thread on your drinking 