If you are a consultant and all the work is over, the customer tells the agency that your services, while performed adequately, are no longer needed. At that point, you are laid off: eligible to return to work should economic conditions change.
Incidentally, this is the distinction between who gets unemployment insurance in most cases.
When come back, bring rims from K-Mart!
You’re meant to be able to lie convincingly to that sort of question. How else are you going to be able to interact with customers who want to know which flax seed oil cat enema is going to be least enviromentally damaging.
When I was interviewed for work in GCHQ (equivalent to the NSA) I got asked, “have you ever taken drugs?” to which I answered truthfully that I had tried marijuana on a holiday in Amsterdam, I got the job.
I give ZebraShaSha points for that well constructed exclamation that led off the second paragraph. Does Opal still maintain her page-O-flames? If she does, someone please send that in. (And tell her we all said hi.)
I’ve only recently seen those screening kiosks – and only in certain minimum wage places. You can do better elsewhere.
Neither “chav” nor “nadgers” have made it to this particular corner of the Midwest.
Li’l he’p?
Brilliant OP, though. I’m currently waiting on my bank account to bottom out so that I have adequate incentive to get off my ass and find another job. I appear to be several months away from that, but (needless to say) I don’t look forward to it.
Also known as NEDs, for Non-Educated Delinquents.
I had the same problem when I was applying for jobs in my Green-named NC town earlier this summer. Filled out the same damn application and questionairre approximately 47,000 times. Never heard back from any-damn-body. Gave up and talked to some friends who worked on the university campus who hooked me up with a job.
I have officially given up on the corporate world.
I’ll point out that I have been in the Job markey for some 35 years. Never, ever have a got a job from a “cold call application drop off”. I am convinced this is useless. All my jobs have been from networking or being headhunted.
I’ll point out networking is easier than you think. For those just entering the job market- Get ahold of your close employed freinds, some teachers or ex-teachers, maybe ex-bosses, or freinds who have parents who know you. Tell them what you are interested in, and ask them to ask around. Belonging to a Fraternal org, a church, or a large club is good, also. JC’s, Masons, etc. Most “networking” at this level is just “Hey, Bob, my frat Brother over at XXXXX sez they are hiring, so sent them an aplication/resume”. But it still works hwaaaaay better than sending in a cold-call application. Being a “regular customer” can help get many a retail job, that’s networking too.
As for headhunting- post that resume on Monster and such similar sites. I posted my resume, and also sent my resume. None of the resumes I sent got anything but regrets. I got dozens of offers from headhunters/recruiters who used search engines to find keywords in my resume- including offers from companies I had sent my resume to and who had replied “no thanks!” :eek:
Experiences- include volunteer work. During the summer, unless you have to get a burger-flippng job, get an internship or do volunteer work. You’d be suprsed how much “Docent at local Tech Museum…” with many nice keywords added will help for someone with little other experience. Volunteering for a Political campaign can help a lot if they win, soooo- pick someone who is a sure winner and volunteer. 
As to those tests- what they *want to see * is that you don’t steal, and that stealing is wrong, no matter what the circumstances.
The two I hate the most are:
Q: Why do you want to work for us (Horse-Manure-Barehanded_Shovellers inc.) ?
A: Actually I dont want to work for you guys, just get paid by you guys. But I think the only way that happes is if I do some work.
Q: Why should we hire you?
A: Thats really your question to answer here. You’ve already asked me to provide a truthful report of my own skills and experience (i would never embelish), I can’t also draw the conclusion for you.
But yeah I think they just want to see if you write a funny answer - If you still think youre funny, then you aren’t desperate enough to need this job.
I came here for tit rubbing and damn if I’m leaving without reading about some!
[totally juvenile] I rubbed your mom’s tits last night. [/tj]
A necrophiliac eh? You sick bastard.
At least I can leave the thread now.
Maybe.
Let’s leave moms out of this, 'cause, you know…
From here?
And a hovercraft. Where’s my hovercraft?
Many thanks for this. Was in a huge unemployment funk myself and this really cheered me up.
More seriously, I see they’ve added another layer of wheat/chaff separation: used to be there’d be the headhunter interview, where they see if you have anything remotely like the skills necessary for the job, to find out if it’s worth bothering a tech for the tech interview, where they find out whether or not the headhunter is a moron, and if you pass that, you get the manager interview, where they find out whether or not you fit into the Corporate Culture and are willing to be a Part of the Team and Enhance the Productivity Paridigm and follow the Seventeen Steps of Moderately Productive Drones.
To all of this, they’ve added the pre-screening of finding out if you’re willing to jump through a hoop, and, if so, how high can they pick it up off the ground before you say “screw this” and go do something else, and, especially, are you willing to wear a frilly pink dress while you jump through the hoop.
Danke, Martini.
Now that I know, I can safely state that I am not one.
Yo, noamsain? Word. Ssup?
…and so forth.
I want to add my accolades to ZebraShaSha for a topnotch rant. I’ve filled out some of those damn forms myself. I must say, though, that they do prepare one psychologically for the ignominy of being forced to pee in a cup as if one were just an unapprehended addict.
I’ve never did drugs in my life. I’ve also decided that if a job requires drug tests either before or during employment, I ain’t doing it. I’ll see how that goes for me if I ever quit my current 11+ year job.
Job apps? I could pit the British Immigration and Nationality directorate. They changed all their paperwork last September just so they could ask if any students wishing to stay and complete their course in the UK had commited genocide or any other crimes against humanity :dubious: