I walk into the computer lab. Everything’s going to be fine, I assure myself, just pick up your timetable and your agenda and you can leave.
I turn a corner.
Her. She’s here. Has she seen me?
Fucking loose tile!
The office chair She’s sitting on swivels around.
Oh boy, I’m fucked now.
She’s smiling at me already. That aspartame smile, burning itself into my eyes. Her eyes are glistening like putrescent jewels. She’s wearing a t-shirt and shorts, dyed a bright, sickly pink color that no human, no matter how vile or repugnant should be forced to look upon.
I begin praying to Og for salvation, but it’s too late.
WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, YOU CANCEROUS SHE-DEMON?
“Are you here to pick up your timetable?”
OF COURSE I AM, WHY ELSE WOULD I BE HERE, YOU WITCH, TO SEE YOU AGAIN?
“Yup. I’m about to pick it up, and then I’m going to go watch a movie with some friends.”
“Oooooh. I was just doing some aaartwooork while the compuuuter laab was open.”
Ohnohereitcomesnotthepoutnotthepout… She adopts a pout so incredulously cute that suddenly, taking care of her every need and want becomes my new goal in life.
“I’m having a bit of trouble with photoshooop… Could you heeelp me?”
“Sure. What’s wrong?”
Forty-five (cooing filed) minutes later, her problem’s solved. I’m about to explode. I stand up, and go to get my timetable.
You made it, Gadfly. You’re a good person. You didn’t snap, and cut her head off. That’s nice. Just get your timetable.
WHAT IS IT NOW, YOU MEWLING BANSHEE, YOU PATHETIC, SNIVELING CHILD?
It takes all the restraint in the world to not scream at her as I shuffle out of the lab.