Dear Dr. Sex!
My boyfriend and I have a pretty nice relationship but I am afraid he is an active wanker…
I am so scared he might go blinde now…
do you know what I could do to stop him from touching his own lower parts? blink blink
Yours sincerely,
Blinded Girlfriend
hey, i’ve got a question. what is sexology? is it real? is it therapy for sexual problems or more like fixing life’s problems through sex? (i think all of my problems could be solved by sex. at least i’d like to try.) naturally, i could easily do a search regarding the, um science?, but i wanted an insider’s opinion.
Dear Dr. aha,
This is something I’ve been wondering for a while, but I didn’t know who to ask. Thank you so much for starting this thread.
Lately I’ve been getting aroused by the ivy growing on the outside of the building I live in. I just want to strip naked and rub the leaves all over my body. I’ve also been having erotic dreams about GI Joes. I don’t mean those little 3" plastic Hasbro action figures, but the real 12" GI Joes with the kung-fu grip. And most recently, during an program on Animal Planet, I discovered I was getting an erection while watching a documentary about emus.
So here’s my question - can you recommend a cream that stops jock itch, cuz I got it something terrible down there.
Ok, that’s enough silliness. Being serious for a second:
What’s the best lubrication for waxing your dolphin and what would be the best sexual position if one wanted to pork an emu?
racerx stop trying to muddy up the waters and go wack off. We’ll explain more when you’re older.
Borndodgy:
Try rubbing some red peppers on his wittle penis.
Shirley Ujest:
How about that old favorite “You broke my heart so fuck you” by Johnny Wad.
Trion:
Don’t worry about it. Next time someone drops by your computer just say “Hey wanna smell my finger/fingers?”
Rachelle:
Those are great for parlor games (Pin the tail on the nipple or who wants to be a nipple millionaire)
Crunchy Frog:
I think you were just funnin the old doctor about screwing Emu’s and waxing dolphins so I will just answer the more serious question above.
Take two parts alchohol and one part vinegar mix in a sorghum base and apply to the effected area. Stay completely away from jocks for at least 21 days or 3 weeks, whichever comes first.
There you go no charge!
One more question:
What advice can you offer to someone who, although he is not gay, feels a strong attraction to an ex-rock star who produced such hits as say, I don’t know, Western Union and Zip Code for example?
Signed,
Someone who is definitely not known as Crunchy Frog
PS. What would be the best way to bump uglies with an emu?
Dear Dr. aha,
I hope you can help me. I keep having the same dream every night. There’s this hill with lots of dips and curves. I climb up on top of the hill, and there’s a hole that looks very wet - there’s even some water at the bottom. Inside, I see a little man in a boat. I stick my face in the hole, and start lapping like…like…well, a cat comes to mind. While I am lapping, I taste peach.
The next thing I know, I’m all sweaty, I’m thinking about baseball, and shooting a gun. I wonder if maybe I’m camping in my dream, because every morning I wake up in a tent.
Sincerely,
Ivan Yerkinoff
Dear someone who is definately not crunchy frog.
I would:
Well I would advise you to solve that problem the same as you might for a four legged animal, say a goat for instance. Put the Emu up against the edge of a cliff during the sexual act, that way it will push back. 
Dire Wolf axed:
Too bad it’s only a dream eh dire? Quit eating so much cheese before bedtime.
Well, I wouldn’t want the vibrator to think I’m an easy slut now , would I ?
The guy next door raise emus.
He has a LOT more just came er, arrived today.
Dear Dr. Aha,
I had a dream that I was being chased by a big vibrator and just when I finally caved into its hypnotic sounds, it turned into Andy Dick. You can imagine my horror.
What does this mean?
Signed,
Ivana Barph
Dear Dr. aha,
I have this, um, well, this friend, and she’s got a problem.
See, she, um, well, she can’t, you know, “do the do” unless she’s dressed like Salome. She even does the dance & stuff, you know? Gets the guys all hot & bothered.
But that’s not her problem, really. See, um, when she’s done “doing the do,” her guys, well, they kinda end up like John the Baptist. Kinda. See, she doesn’t exactly cut off the BIG head. She likes the little ones better. Then she decorates them and sells them at craft shows. They actually sell pretty well.
But that’s not the problem, either. I keep telling my friend that she really needs to mark the jewelry up a bit. She’s only selling it at cost, and she’s not making any money at it. Could you possibly explain to her that charging for labor is okay? She’s just not understanding.
Thanks!
Sooo let me get this straight, the big vibrator turned into a big dick right?
Next time let the big vibrator or Andy catch you, write down what happens then get back to me.