Just what we need, another asshole. :rolleyes:
[QUOTE=elfkin477]
Having seen your pics in the picture thread, I’m curious…do you find that many women let you get away with being an asshole because you’re cute?
…
[/QUOTE]
Wait … he’s cute? Well, that’s different. But I might need a cite.
How many public toilet seats did you piss on today?
Did you dog crap on my lawn again today?
Would you just subscribe to the damn paper instead of stealing mine?
SSG Schwartz
Dear Asshole:
A co-worker has invited me over for dinner at her house. What do you think is an appropriate hostess present?
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Phase 1: Keep posting unsolicited asides in this thread, ya needy little dog turd.
Phase 2: …
Phase 3: [del]Profit![/del] Asshole!
[/QUOTE]
Yeah well, I’ll post all the the unsolicited asides I bloody well feel like.
Hey. Maybe I don’t need your help to become a complete asshole 
.
[QUOTE=tdn]
What is the air velocity of an unladen swallow?
[/QUOTE]
Zero. Asshole shot it.
[QUOTE=lobstermobster]
Dear Asshole:
A co-worker has invited me over for dinner at her house. What do you think is an appropriate hostess present?
[/QUOTE]
Is the hostess pregnant? If so, go with a nice carton of GPCs and a fifth of Southern Comfort. Otherwise, scented candles from Wal-Mart are inexpensive and always in season.
[QUOTE=SSG Schwartz]
How many public toilet seats did you piss on today?
[/quote]
None. I piss on the roll of toilet paper.
That was me.
Why subscribe, when all I need is the sports page? The rest of your paper is in the gutter, ya crybaby.
Have you liberated those office supplies yet?
[QUOTE=elfkin477]
Having seen your pics in the picture thread, I’m curious…do you find that many women let you get away with being an asshole because you’re cute?
[/quote]
Flattery will get you nowhere. And I’ll have you know that 4 out of 5 women like me better as an asshole than as a nice guy. It’s a very liberating fact.
If I grew up on BBC sitcoms, I would have a sparkling “HA” on my forehead, for “holographic asshole.” And that would just make me a laughingstock.
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Have you liberated those office supplies yet?
[/QUOTE]
I still have two weeks to go, I am planning on taking pens, pencils, and the copier machine. There is also about 4 million sheets of printer paper that would fit into my trunk. Thanks to your post, I will not liberate the TP.
SSG Schwartz
so asshole, any job interview tips? I figure you must have lots of practice finding new jobs.
I don’t care if you *are * an asshole. This is the funniest thread I’ve ever read.
Dear asshole: how would you suggest I deal with really loud teenagers on the bus in the mornings?
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Flattery will get you nowhere. And I’ll have you know that 4 out of 5 women like me better as an asshole than as a nice guy. It’s a very liberating fact.
[/QUOTE]
Hey, I didn’t say they didn’t like you better that way. I was just curious if it worked the other way 'round - despite an acid tongue I’m able to charm 3/4ths of people I interact with and all of the ones who think I’m a bitch are women. I think a lot of the guys are too distracted by talking to my chest to realize what I’m saying anyway, though. 
You’re going to take all the staplers with you, right?
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
Hey asshole, who taught you to part like that? Fucker. :mad:
[/QUOTE]
Hey asshole, why haven’t you answered the damn question? You blind?
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
Hey asshole, why haven’t you answered the damn question? You blind?
[/QUOTE]
Is this pissing you off?
I have a question for asshole.
I really want to hang out with some new kids at school. Should I do drugs to fit in?
[QUOTE=bigbabysweets2000]
Is this pissing you off?
[/QUOTE]
It’s tough to tell. Should I be happy or pissed off that an asshole is ignoring me. Assholes unusally bother normal people, but if I say something about it, does that make me an asshole or a jerk?
It’s a wilderness of mirrors now.
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
It’s tough to tell. Should I be happy or pissed off that an asshole is ignoring me.
[/QUOTE]
You should probably sit down and shutup and let the asshole tell you what to think! :mad:
Why am I talking to you? You’re only the partial asshole. I want the complete and total asshole to give me advice.
[QUOTE=bigbabysweets2000]
I have a question for asshole.
I really want to hang out with some new kids at school. Should I do drugs to fit in?
[/QUOTE]
Only if there are hot girls involved. Otherwise, you should turn them in to the school authorities.