I’m eighteen and I attend a local community college, to make a crude introduction. Recently, I put an add on yahoo for a friend and only a friend. It seems that every last person I have ever tried to talk to over the internet demands sexual attention. With my fear of STD’s, I have absolutely no intention on having sex. In fact, I intend to remain celibate so that I won’t end up with a dehibilitating disease.
Well, this guy answered back who went to my community college! He’s twenty six and he seems so nice, we even have alot in common. I called him and he seems like a friend I’ve always wanted. After we talked, I dissolved into (masculine!) giggles for the hour following – no one has ever made me feel this way. However, yesterday he asked me if I ever had sex, I told them that I hadn’t. He made an assertion – more like a demand really – that he wants to perform oral sex on me. While this might sound OK, to me it is not, I simply want a friendship. I believe any sexual contact will ruin any possibility of camaraderie.
Soo I these are my questions:
If someone gives you oral sex, is there even a minute chance that you can contract any type of disease, infection, or plagues?
This individual while older, seems very sensitive, and even more self-conscious than me. Is it any way to be nice yet still be firm in regards to sexual practices?
<sigh> This is fustrating. Even after I wrote this, I still don’t feel this post conveys my problem appropiately. I hope this made sense.
Ok, so let’s cut to the chase. Can you get a dread disease from getting blown? Yes. Is it likely? Not very. In fact judging by my own experience, I’d put it between slim and none, with an emphasis on the latter. Ya want certainty? Find another planet
I just did some spelunking on the web and really didn’t find an answer for you that went into more detail. However, I strongly suggest running to a bookstore and getting Dr. Stephen Goldstone’s “The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.” He’s a physician with a practice here in New York, so the book actually focuses more on health issues than mechanical in-out-repeat stuff.
(Assuming pipe for armchair psychiatrist role) I’m also wondering if your fear of disease may be an expression of a deeper fear: the feeling that you’re not yet ready for sex. At 18 I really wasn’t, and certainly not with a guy half again my age. It sounds like however nice he may be otherwise, he’s putting a lot of pressure on you, and you have every right not to give in. Which brings me to my answer for–
Absolutely! Repeat after me: “You’re really cute and I’m attracted to you, but I’m just not ready yet and I enjoy being friends with you.”
Just as there are straight guys who like to carve a knot in the bedpost for getting a virgin, so are there gay guys. Even ones who seem self-conscious. If you weren’t picking up on that you wouldn’t be asking your questions!
And if he won’t take “no” for an answer, drop him like a hot rock. Nicely, of course: you can tell him it just won’t work for you. If he keeps calling you after you tell him that, don’t return his calls. Plain and simple.
Best wishes to you. We’ve all been you at some point. And please, when you’re starting out, have sex because you want to, not someone else.
:o Right you are, it was Manda Jo. Although, in my defense, I now believe that the reason that I was confused was that I posted a very similar statement in a similar argument on an email list that I’m on.
Now how about coming over here and letting me give you a massage?
Good heavens! Seems y’all won’t be missing me quite so much after all. (And yes, it’s official - my current job does indeed end this Friday July 28, so between lousy 'net access at home and going on vacation for two weeks, I will be essentially incommunicado for the next three weeks. You can read the details in this thread.
Anywho, to xtnjohnson - welcome! Thank you for the very enlightening sum-up of the Fire Island experience. All told, it sounds like I’d have a lousy time there.
Welcome to the internet, me boy. You’re young, in college, and a virgin. (It must be so hard to be you! :D)
Hoo, boy, this sent up quite a few red flags. Sweetie, darling, you cannot let the fear of disease cripple your sex life. As a very wise lesbian once told me, “I do not fear AIDS - fear paralyzes. What I do have is a very, very healthy respect for AIDS.” Of course, as xtn said, you have to be ready for sex in general, but having “absolutely no intention” to have sex for the sole reason of being afraid of catching something is a problem, IMHO. I’ve been out and sexually active since 1987, always played safe, and always had a clean bill of health. (OK, I caught crabs once, but you can’t protect against those, and they’re completely harmless - annoying, but harmless.)
Sorry, but anybody who makes a demand on anyone doesn’t “seem so nice” to me - dump him. Just like all those other guys who responded to your ad, he’s after the same thing, and if you’re not willing to give it to him, and he makes those kind of overtones, he’s no friend of yours - dump him. Yes, you like him, he makes you feel good, but all that’s going to do is cloud your judgement when he makes a move on you - so dump him. And don’t think I don’t know what you mean - Even at 30 I’ve dated 18-year-old collegiates, but I respect their decisions, and although I might tell them (like anyone else I might date) that I wouldn’t say no to sex, the decision is entirely theirs, particularly if they’re not comfortable with the idea (heck, Dr. Boyfriend and I waited until the third whole date! :D). Plus, when I myself was in college and still a virgin I dated an older guy to whom I lost my virginity, and you know what? I regret that decision, not because I wasn’t ready, but because he turned out to be a real louse. So if you’re going to lose your virginity, don’t lose it with some guy from the 'net that seduces you and then demands sex. You hold out, honey!
This has more to do with your hang-ups than the truth - I, for one, have maintained solid friendships with the vast majority of my ex boyfriends, and have even had “friends with special privileges,” and ain’t nothing wrong with out friendships. But you have to do what’s comfortable, that’s the main thing.
A minute chance, yes, but, as I said, this really should not be the deciding factor in whether or not you’re ready to have sex. Besides, if you’re really worried, most guys don’t like the taste of latex, but if he wants it that bad, so be it. (The guy who deflowered me was particularly interested in swallowing because he knew there was zero chance I had anything communicable, as I was a virgin.)
Yes. “Look, I’m just not comfortable having sex yet. I appreciate the compliment, but the answer is no, and you’ll be the first to know if I change my mind. So, how about dinner Saturday?” And then, sadly, don’t take it too personally if you never see him again.
You remind me of my friend William. He’s a sweetie, but, like him, you’ll be just fine - just relax. After all, “It’s just sex.”
OK, I’m working in a convenience store for the summer. Today, a guy from the dog grooming place across the street comes in and buys some stuff from me. Later he sends a coworker over with a note inviting me for dinner or coffee some time, and his phone number. This annoyed the girl I was working with, as she thought he was cute, and that the note was for her. Anyways, this is not the first time (presumably) gay men have flirted with me. I cannot recall any women ever doing so. My picture is over at the People Pages. Tell me, do I really look that gay?
Also, my dog could use a grooming, and I’ve heard this guy has won awards. Is it worth it to pretend to be gay if it would get me a discount?
Oh, and thanks xtn for everything I might have ever wanted to know about Fire Island. Actually, it sounds like a lot of fun to me, except for the sexual orientation part. The late hours are just my kind of thing. You mention Chelsea being a very gay area, which struck me as odd, since my sister’s (presumably) straight boyfriend lives there, and was telling me about the neighborhood, and never mentioned that aspect.
Oh, and while I’m posting to this thread, I figured I might mention that Saturday night, as I was reading Doob’s post about his friend Dave/John, I was calling an old friend of mine (who is gay) to make sure I had a place to stay when I went to visit NYC Monday and Tuesday (you didn’t even notice my absence did you?). He was out, and I got the answering machine “Hi you’ve reached Dave and John’s. Leave a message.” I just thought it was an amusing coincidence worth sharing.
Not particularly, but then I’m not seeing you walk, talk, behave, interact, flirt, sneeze, what have you. It was noted that when Jeff Stryker, once the premiere gay porn king, big and buff and hung and tough, first won the equivalent of the Oscar for his work, he got up to the podium… and yards of chiffon came spewing out of his mouth.
Although I’m sure you’d rather have women hitting on you (and I don’t see why, because (1) you’re not unttractive, and (2) chicks dig gay guys, so if everybody thinks you’re gay, surely some of them would find that attractive), take it as a compliment. Hell, even when men I find unattractive buy me a drink, it’s still meant as a compliment.
Hey, now, don’t taunt the homos! I wouldn’t pretend to be gay, but you could be overly nice to him. If a gay guy finds out the straight object of his affection is at least cool with it, most of the time they can be cool right back.
OK, poodles, this is it - my last post for a while. I’ll be around a few days next week and may check in from home, but don’t expect my usual flurry of posting activity. The following two weeks I’m going back in time to when computers didn’t exist, so no posts then. When I get back (around August 21 or so) I’ll be able to check in.
Ah, jeez, they’re letting EVERYONE in these days;)…
He didn’t just happen to move into an apartment on 15th Street recently, did he? It’s really unnverving, but I swear when I stand by the elevator at night I can hear televised sports in my new neighbor’s apartment across the hall. And I mean televised team sports, y’know?
Oh for crying out loud, I’m gonna repo your card, Esprix. “Big”? Nononononono. Well, maybe in one direction, but even that’s a bit of a stretch.
Jeff Stryker is about 5’7". It’s one of the secrets of the trade: a lot of models are short because it makes their dicks look bigger in comparison. BTW, Stryker sued the maker of the eponymous dildo, arguing that the fake Jeffy stiffy was actually…too big, apparently resulting in disappointment in those who paid to view the real thing in person.
And yes, he’s a big girl, a lot of porn stars are. I’m sure that’s he he was so strenuously marketed as a top.
…because:
(1) I understand that as a member of a minority group, I can qualify for special treatment
(2) Does being “gay” make me eligible to be covered under the Americans With disabilities Act?
(3) can I get discounts at certain retail establishments?
(4) will I have to become enamored of the music of “The Village People”?
(5)Are there any other benefits that will accrue to me?
Fine, I had 5 more minutes, so consider this my short-lived comeback…
Not sure where you heard this, but unless you consider “not being discriminated against” as “special treatment,” it’s not true. In fact, you will probably be treated inequally in some cases. (Although there is an argument to be made that innate fashion sense and the ability to throw great parties could be considered “special”… ;))
Nope - being gay is not a disability in any way (although see above for society’s treating you as if it were anyway); and the ADA only covers physical impairments. And, as it stands, you wouldn’t be covered under any federal law (such as an anti-discrimination law), as none exists, but most states and large cities already have anti-discrimination on the books that include sexual orientation.
Only if you flirt with the salespeople.
Thankfully, no, but you will have to pretend to enjoy them at gay pride parades.
Honey, you’d be faaaaaaaaaabulous - what more could a mere mortal wish for?
Esprix, who is really leaving now! Really! It’s 5:00! Woo hoo!
You’re young, in college, and a virgin. (It must be so hard to be you! :D)