Thank you, Otto, for your insights and candor. It must have been “Outweek”'s activities that I was recalling & wondering about. I appreciate your clarifying things for me.
On the lighter side of things… what’s up with the alleged gay fascination with Liza Minelli and Broadway musicals?
The interaction of gay men and musical theatre has been the subject of a number of scholarly treatises, all of which IMHO may be safely boiled down to: Theatre equals flamboyance. Theatrical people are expected to be “odd” and the theatre was one of the few places where a gay sensibility could be safely expressed (within boundaries). Theatre is also the home to many “divas” and gay men, formerly expected to be “like women,” consciously or unconsciously often looked to divas as powerful female role models.
As for Liza-with-a-Z, I don’t get it myself. Obviously, she’s a 2nd generation diva, and her turn as Sally Bowles is incomparable, but I don’t get the adulation. I never got Barbra Streisand’s appeal either. I of course am an unabashed Judy queen, so everything I may say on the subject of another’s diva is suspect.
All together now, boys! “Glance one two three turn…glance one two three turn.”
Gay Guy has returned!
Many thanks to Otto, Polycarp, SqrlCub, et al. for filling in for me - I was out of work on Friday, and my internet connection at home is slow as a 24.4 baud, so forgive my absence. I’ll try to put my spin on a couple of questions:
andros asked:
For me, it’s simply a matter of fact - I do not engage in receiving anal intercourse, nor will I until I find myself in a long-term, committed relationship, where there is adequate trust to try experimenting with such. In the meantime, I have found that being a top is quite pleasurable. Furthermore, I have found that the majority of gay men I meet describe themselves as “versatile,” meaning they are willing to do either; but if they say they’re a bottom, most of they time they are very proud to be bottoms, because they derive so much pleasure from it. (And, please before anyone goes on about how gross it is, that particular bodily region has as many, if not more pleasurable nerve endings than a woman’s vagina, not to mention the prostate, so if you’re hung up about who is putting what where, you probably have other sexual repression issues to deal with - fucking is not the end-all/be-all of sex. Personally, I find the best part of sex to be kissing. 
)
We have an expression - “Femme in the streets, butch in the streets.” 
Me, I’m living proof - everyone who meets me assumes I’m a bottom because I’m not exactly butch (but I’m not exactly femme, either, really). Also, in two-stepping, I follow, traditionally the woman’s role.
I suppose you just need to keep in mind that there seems to be a more sexually permissive atmosphere in the gay community because, for most gay people, we’ve had to strip ourselves of traditional sexual mores because we don’t fit anywhere in them. Do all gay relationships work this way? Of course not - there are just as many traditional, monogamous life-long relationships in the gay community as there are leather daddies and rice queens; we just seem to verbalize it more. Trust me, the same percentages exist in the heterosexual community as far as oddball sexual practices and/or roleplay, but people tend to notice it more among us queer folk.
Otto answered this from a community point of view much better than I could.
handy asked:
Seems appropriate, since the people who seem to know the least about homosexuality are people who have no experience with it. If I want information about a woman, I’ll ask a woman.
Rysdad said:
I put it to you Randall had self-image issues. Have you met any other openly gay people since? No doubt you’ve met many gay people who didn’t pronouce their orientation to you during your first meeting as well.
salinqmind asked:
Yes, and quite well, too. This just happened to me last weekend, and we had a plenty good time anyway.
Eventually you’d probably break up. Again, it ain’t all that if that’s all there is.
That’s a mystery to me - there always seem to be a lack of tops (which suits me just fine). Perhaps being a bottom is far more pleasurable than I’m aware.
Prairie Rose asked:
I’m liking this analogy…
Well, for some people, the slight pain is part of the pleasure - it’s a thin line for some. Plus, as I mentioned before, there are an awful lot of nerves there to give pleasure, and the prostate is the male g-spot - get it stimulated and I promise you a phenomenal orgasm. I’m sure some also see it as a psychological role as much as a sex act - giving up control to someone else is a turn-on (although in almost all cases that I’m aware of, the bottom is the one that actually retains the control - if he says no, then it’s a big no).
JillGat stated:
I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure what you mean…
fogmage asked:
When giving directions, a particularly flamboyant friend of mine will often say, “Now turn left here, and continue gayly forward through the next light, then turn right.”
Keeves asked:
Speaking for myself, all the time. I do not hoot and howl, but I will cast a glance, and drool a little if no one is watching.
I don’t think anyone could claim to be above such things, unless perhaps one was a priest.
My answer to this is two-fold - first, you’d think anyone would be grateful to get a compliment any way one can,
Es-cyuse me? “Filling in” for you? What, you think you “the” gay guy or somethin’? I ain’t postin’ to this thread to “fill in” for nobody, honey! <snap>
Hey Gay Guy(s)!
Probably the first of many questions.
Several of the gay guys I’ve known in passing have been in a situation where they were “out” socially but “in” professionally.
Have you or your friends been in this position? Was it difficult to “maintain appearances”? Is the compromise difficult to justify? I’m just thinking of some of the crap I’ve heard on golf courses, etc… bearing in mind that the golf course and other hetero male bastions are still a part of the business arena in many fields. I’d be interested in any insight you might have into the situation.
Great thread.
quote:
this has only happened to me once or twice, but I’ve always replied " That’s great, I’m straight. Think we can still be friends?" I think it demonstrates gently and with humor that I dont give a flying F*** who they are sleeping with, but I may be wrong. What do you think, Gay Guy?
Btw- you ought to team up with Otto- “The Un-Ambiguiouslt Gay Duo” I think we could get you Flash’s spot in the Superfriends.
Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it.
Uh, shouldn’t this be in ‘General Questions?’
and—I thought this was the Str8 Dope Message Board (he said, inviting a wisecrack about ‘straight dopes’)
Gay Guy(s):
Do people “on bottom” experience orgasm? Do they ejaculate? I’m having difficulty imagining how being exlusively bottom is sexually satisfying. I would think that homosexuals have the basic urges as heterosexuals, even if they’re directed at a different sex. Is that incorrect?
Every gay person in the workplace has been in this position.
The difficulty depends on how adept the individual is at changing pronouns, etc. and how involved the person is in the social atmosphere of the workplace. My first “grown-up” job I was out almost from the start. In fact, I was off part of my second week to go to DC for the 93 MOW. I got fired from that job for being gay. Each subsequent grown-up job I stayed closeted until after my first performance evaluation, then came out as appropriate. By getting a review in writing, I had ammunition in the event of being fired again. I’m interviewing for some jobs right now; as it happens my first interview is with a former boss who tells me another former colleague works there too, so when I get that job it’ll be an enormous timesaver. It’s stressful to be closeted in some aspects of my life, but if it’s a choice between food on the table and a roof, and being completely out, I’ll take food and shelter.
Eeek! A thousand pardons, dear Otto (spelled O-T-T-O, not E-S-P-R-I-X, as some would believe)! Of course I’m not the only gay guy, but I have kind of been saddled (assumed?) with Gay Guy, so…
Should I deputize? Crown princess, perhaps? {hee hee} Kidding!
Esprix
It is a very difficult line to walk, and of course it depends on your profession and your place of business and your ultimate career goals, but I would wager that the majority of gay professionals are not out at work. This situation has changed a lot over the past 30 years or so, of course (people outing themselves, gay support groups, non-discrimination clauses making for more comfortable working environments, etc.), but I’d say the majority are still in the closet at work.
Me, I used to be cautious, but never worked anywhere long enough for it to be an issue. When I was working as a benefits administrator, two weeks into the job a female co-worker asked me if I had a girlfriend. Although I didn’t know her or the company well enough yet, I said that I did not. Then she asked, “Why not?” Sighing, I said, “Well, the main reason would be that I’m gay, but other than that I can’t think of a reason.” To my surprise and delight, she said, “Oh, I’m sorry - I asked the wrong question. Are you dating anyone at all?” She was actually embarassed. It was a good job.
The one I’m in now, I’m a bit uncomfortable, as I explained above, but I’m still fairly out - I’m not sending out a memo, but I’m not dodging any questions. I think everyone here has gotten the point, but then, I’m only temping…
Esprix
On the one hand, I think it’s a great response - gets right to the point. On the other hand, it could easily be interpreted as snide. I suppose your follow-up would determine your intent. Still, people who would insist on introducing themselves as gay to a complete stranger with no reason or context probably deserve to have the wind taken out of their sails once in a while, IMHO…
Esprix
I put it in here because all the gay-themed threads that spawned it were in here. I will leave it up to the Moderator to decide.
Joke’s been done, I’m afraid.
Boomer, you especially I encourage to read the entirety of this thread - you might learn something, IMHO.
Esprix
Oh, my, yes indeedy do they orgasm! The prostate, when stimulated, functions sexually as the male g-spot - you will have a spooge that’ll blow your mind (if it’s done right). It’s been said before, but I believe every man who is penetrated makes a better lover.
The specifics for each person are different, of course, but a bottom does not get f*cked simply for the mechanical aspect of sex - he derives enjoyment from it, which is a good enough reason to have sex.
Esprix
Forgive my stereotyping, but in my experience men are generally insatiable. The more they get, the more they want.
So, my less than graceful question is: How do gay men ever find time to do anything other than have sex??
Even gay men have to recharge sometimes, dear…
Dear Gay Fella,
Hearing people tell me that gay people sometimes have a lisp. Why do some have a lisp & what does it sound like?
Handy: Oh, sthop it, thilly! That’th jutht a thupid thereotype.
er, “thtop it, thilly,” that ith.