Dear Gay Guy,
How often is your “gaydar” wrong? My gay friend Louis says he thinks I’m gay, and when I went to his birthday party, he says that several of his friends’ “gaydar” went off also. Since I’m engaged to be married (to a woman), and personally believe that I’m heterosexual (I enjoy sex with woman), I’m wondering if my long hair, dislike of sports and enthusiasm for the performing arts is jamming the heterosexual signal I should be sending out.
The Gay Guy [TM] wrote:
Hmmm … I’ve fingered my own prostate once or twice while masturbating. It definitely does make the orgasm more intense, but I cannot climax solely from the prostate stimulation. I need to be polishing my bayonet at the same time, so to speak.
Sometimes I think I’d really enjoy being gay if it weren’t for the inconvenient fact that I’m only sexually attracted to women. 
You can say, “I’ve fingered my own prostate once or twice while masturbating,” but then feel a need for delicate euphemism with “…polishing my bayonet at the same time…” not two lines later?!?
Sorry - I just find that really funny.
Dearest Lisa, you’re confusing gay men with all men! 
Gay men, IMHO, just seem to be more sexually liberated than most, so (although some would disagree) its oftimes easier to get some. A man knows what a man wants, after all…
In all seriousness, it depends on the man - some like more romance, some like “wham-bam-thank you-SIR!,” some are looking for a boyfriend, some are looking for a husband. Do men in general have a higher sex drive than women? I don’t know any studies, and I don’t know women, but I seem to recall that they do, so when you put two men together, the results should be obvious. My boyfriend and I, however, have been dating for 11 months yesterday, and we’ve encountered a bit of “lesbian bed death,” a situation usually ascribed to lesbians in a long-term relationship who, at some point, just stop having sex together, even though they still are a couple. No doubt, though, that a call to Dr. Ruth ought to spice up my beau and mine’s sex life…
Esprix
I think I’ve met one person in my entire life who had a lisp, and it had to do with the way his tounge sat in his mouth, not his sexual orientation.
The stereotype is that gay men are effeminate, and lisping is part of that femininity (why, I have no idea). And I’ve seen some gay men, while performing in drag as a woman, or acting as an outrageous queen, purposely affect a lisp, but it does not naturally occur without some sort of physical defect.
What does it sound like? Hmmm, how to describe this to someone who can’t hear… Well, the “s” sound is formed, roughly, by putting the tip of the tongue against the roof of the mouth and blowing through, almost like a whistle. (Have you learned this, perhaps, in a speech therapy class you may have taken?) The lispy “s”, however, is roughly formed by flattening out the tip of the tounge, and pushing farther forward in the mouth, almost against the teeth - somewhere between an “s” and a “th” sound (the extreme is all s’s eventually sounding like th’s). The lispy “s” is lighter, airier, and distinctly more effeminate.
Esprix
My personal gaydar is often wrong - the joke is that it goes off at doorknobs and field mice. (Flirting, too, goes right over my head most of the time - I need to be thwacked with a clue-by-four.) And I know no one who is 100% accurate (at least verifiably - cruising someone on the street and saying they’re gay without going up to them and confirming such doesn’t count). Are you sending out gay vibes? Well, if your self-description is accurate, and you’re totally comfortable with your sexuality and therefore comfortable around others no matter what their sexuality, those things combined could easily lead one to an inaccurate conclusion.
Take it as a compliment - at least they’re not assuming you’re gay and then snubbing you. And chicks really dig gay guys, so… (Oh, too bad you’re engaged, then!)
Esprix
I think this is the case with most men - you need penile stimulation of some kind - but I do know men who, if the sex is really good, can achieve orgasm simply by being the bottom. Quite a feat, if you ask me.
Well, with God’s help, maybe someday… I’M KIDDING! Sheesh!
Esprix
Bricker wrote:
Well, you know … the word “masturbation” doesn’t carry with it a graphic description of the way that the act is carried out… :o I guess it’s less uncomfortable for me to say “I masturbate” than “I rhytmically rub the lower side of my penis up-and-down until I ejaculate.”
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and, um, clean my rifle barrel. Yeah, that’s it.
…when suddenly, who should appear but Lesbian Woman, fresh from her vacation in the Land of the Amazons…
To answer some of your questions…
Well, here’s how it happened for me. I suppose that I always knew on some level, I was always joining the boys at my school in chasing girls around… What clinched it was this. I was eleven years old, after I just graduated from elementary school. My best friend and I were going to be going to different middle schools after the summer was over. I lived rather far away from the school I had been attending, and she lived pretty close to it, so summer get-togethers were unfeasable. I found that I missed her a great deal. She started appearing in my dreams. Once, on one of my family’s infrequent trips to the Big City, I ran into her. We talked for a short time, then my family had to leave. This happened several more times, in several different places. If I believed in god, I’d probably see this as a sign. Each time, I started looking forward to the next one more and more. Finally, school started up again, and I lost contact. One night I had a dream about seeing her one last time, just to say goodbye, and woke up in tears. At that point, I realized I had a crush on her, a big one.
That’s how I knew. I was surprised as all hell, to tell you the truth. I was rather ashamed at first, and became extremely sexually repressed and frustrated, which didn’t help things any. I didn’t come out until high school. I felt so much better about myself that I hardly even noticed the weird looks in the gym locker room at first, but that’s a different story entirely…
As to the question of adopting roles, you don’t adopt roles so much as you take on some sort of appearance that the general public percieves as adopting a role. I guess I am what you would term “femme”. I like to have a very feminine appearance, I wear dresses and skirts, stuff like that. My first girlfriend, on the other hand, was a classic “butch”. However, when we got into the bedroom, she liked to be on the recieving end of the strap-on every bit as much as I did. On the other hand, she usually played the “S” to my “M”… Ahem, next question…
Oh, and AHunter? I usually prefer women, but I have a special place in my heart for the “sissified hetero” male. I don’t treat them with contempt… unless they want me to…
Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.
Well, since graphic descriptions don’t seem to be a problem in this thread, and neuro-trash grrrl is now here to answer, ( ask the gay gal? )I was wondering how much lesbian sex play involves actual penetration. Is it more common for two women to utilize just their "god given assets’, i.e. tongues, fingers and such, or is it more likely that items will be used to substitute for a phallus? I am honestly curious.
Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it.
I guess this would be directed at neuro-trash grrrl. I have a heard that gay women will have sex with men, but that gay men, WILL NOT have sex with women. I ask this because I have a gay female friend, that I always thought was Bi-sexual, (since I know she’s had past boyfriends.) While on a 4wheelin trip, we shared a hotel room, (separate beds.) On the last night, I was joking with her that if she woke up horny, relief was only 3ft away. Anyway, she jumps up, takes off her nightgown, informs me that she is gay, and then hops into bed. Does this turn out to be true more often than not?
PS, the wife knows about this, but isn’t very happy that it happened. (premarriage)
I pity the fool that brings a knife to a gun fight.
“Another question for you gentlemen (please forgive my naivete). Do most guys come to realize that they’re gay during their teen years, when everyone’s hormones usually start to gush? Or does the timing vary on an individual basis, depending on familial/cultural influences?”
I realized I was gay long before. I knew I had feelings for other guys and would rather chase the guys than the girls. When I was 5 or 6 years old I was watching Mr. Mom on television and when they got up to the stripper scene I told my older sister, “that guys is really cute.” To which she responded, “Don’t say that. That’s what fags say.” Well, I knew I never wanted to date a woman and saw myself dating a man as I grew up before, but then I had the word to what I am. I later had my first boyfriend in 7th and 8th grade (year and a half…until I was forced to move). Sigh, I miss him sometimes… it was such a naive romance.
Most of the out gay men I know knew they were gay all of their lives but were probably not comfortable with it until their mid-teen years. I was pretty much completely out in 9th and 10th grade which was unusual at the many high schools I went to. The degree that gay men actually come out varies incredibly widely due to familial and cultural influences. I know several older men (in their 60’s…and I am not talking about sexually knowing them…perverts ;)) who knew they were gay all of their lives but stayed in the closet and married a woman, had a family, and all that crap. Eventually the wife either died or divorced them and they came out completely, realizing that life is way too short to bother with living a lie. I met a man recently at a bar with my BF in DC that a mixed aged crowd goes to who recently came out and divorced his wife at 68 because he was tired of living a lie with her. He has three kids with her and according to him, his sex life was nonexistant (from a partner perspective…since he ended up flying solo when she wasn’t around) save for the few times he had sex with his wife in the beginning of the marriage (the kids were adopted). He was the oldest person whom I know who came out that late in life. I know several married men who have a similar outlook on life (mid 30’s -40’s) but they have not remained faithful like the previous person did.
So, coming out has a lot to do on cultural/societal influence. I doubt that I would have came out 40 years ago in Alabama. I would most likely have been lynched. It is not much better now in certain places (Laramie (sp?), Wyoming for example) but there are certain safer places. I do have to say that it is significantly easier to come out of the closet now than then but really only if the person is willing to live in a larger city. Most of the smaller, more rural areas will not have a gay outlet or are violently against gays thus the rural gays tend to stay in the closet much longer.
I have a couple of comments. One, I think that Keeve’s question was never fully answered. He was asking about men ogling men and specifically how that might complicate the military question. I can see where he is coming from here. It is one thing to be ogoled by the man in the car next to you at a red light; either you roll down the window and say hi, or the light changes and you drive on. In a military situation, the man who is interested is going to continue to be in close quarters with you. Note that it wouldn’t matter if the ogoler ogoled a straight man or a gay man. Once the pass was made and rejected, it would be out there, making one (or both) parties very uncomfortable. Situations like this happen in civilian life, of course. People of every gender and orientation make passes at work, say, and this leads to tension. But in a military situation no one gets to go home at the end of the day. I have no particular qualms about gays in the military, but I think that houseing potential sexual partners toghether, regardless of gender, has the potential for serious complications. Y’all’s thoughts?
I wanted to comment on what neuro-trash grrl said. Virtually every woman I know (or at least know well) had a serious crush as a girl on another girl, or several other girls. It seems to an important part of the way girls grow and learn to form relationships. I don’t know of many adult relationships that are ever as close as two fourteen year old best friends. Frequently, but not always, these friendships do involve some sort of sexual element-lots of hand-holding, kissing, sleeping in the same bed, etc. I just wanted to qualify what you said, neuro-trash girl, by saying that just because a girl has a crush on another girl it does not automatically mean she is gay. I wanted to point this out so that if any parent reading this out there walks in on their adolecent daughter snuggling with her best friend, don’t rush off to label her gay. She may well be, and that would be fine, but she may well not be, and that would be fine as well. We all get crossed signals about our sexuallity in youth, and labels over-hastily applied by ourselves or others can complicate what is otherwise a beautiful process.
Lastly, I wanted to say that I think the gay rights movement as a whole is doing itself a grave disservice by relying too heavily on the “it’s not a choice” defense. I say this regardless of the origins of sexual orientation. The “It’s not a choice” arguement has become the main premise in almost all gay rights legislation. “Why should we deny them rights when it is not their fault?” Over half the defenders of gay rights on this board–gay and straight–use some version of this. Why should we deny homosexuals rights if it is a choice? When I hear a gay person say “It’s not my fault, I wasn’t born this way” it always makes me angry. Dening culpability is a tacit addmission that if homosexuality was a choice, it would be wrong. If a black man were to say: “Don’t hate me because I am black. I didn’t ask to be born this way.” We would not applaud, we would be appalled that white racism was so perversive that even the oppressed group was buying into it. Homosexuality awareness is being promoted as if homosexuality were a disability, and I don’t think that that type of awareness will ever lead to homosexuality being accpeted as just a part of a persons personality, value neutral. I was just wondering if any of this sentiment is present in the activist gay community: It seems obvious to me, but I have never seen it pointed out in a national forrum.
Whoa, Manda Jo! Why haven’t you posted more often?
Similar arguments were used when women were allowed to serve in the armed forces, yet they continue to do so effectively. The bottom line is that sexual advances of any nature are strictly forbidden, and the penalties are, and should be, swift and severe.
I also find it highly amusing that straight men are so squicked about possibly being treated as a sex object, when they’ve been doing it to women for centuries. Need I remind anyone of the Tailhook debacle?
It seems to an important part of the way girls grow and learn to form relationships… Frequently, but not always, these friendships do involve some sort of sexual element-lots of hand-holding, kissing, sleeping in the same bed, etc. I just wanted to qualify what you said, neuro-trash girl, by saying that just because a girl has a crush on another girl it does not automatically mean she is gay. I wanted to point this out so that if any parent reading this out there walks in on their adolecent daughter snuggling with her best friend, don’t rush off to label her gay.
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Very true, indeed, from my experience. Similarly, boys go through these things too, sometimes, at early ages, but since it is more socially acceptable for girls to do it, boys are quickly dissuaded from showing that kind of affection, even though they may still feel that way. And, if you walk in on your boys doing the same thing, that also does not mean they’re going to “turn out gay” - it’s perfectly normal. The most important thing is just to listen to your kids.
The “It’s not a choice” arguement has become the main premise in almost all gay rights legislation… Why should we deny homosexuals rights if it is a choice? When I hear a gay person say “It’s not my fault, I wasn’t born this way” it always makes me angry. Dening culpability is a tacit addmission that if homosexuality was a choice, it would be wrong.
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Wow. Extremely well put!
I think the reason it’s used at all is because the radical right uses it as a weapon against us - “they’re not like blacks or women because it’s a choice, so we don’t have to give them the same rights” begs a response, and in the heat of debate, you focus on those details instead of the overall picture.
But you’re right - it doesn’t matter, it shouldn’t matter, and better debaters and speakers than I agree with you; In fact, I saw a lot of this going on in the discussions with legislators in Vermont, and I was happy to see it.
In my own way, I try to do the same thing by turning it on the arguer by pointing out that religion is a choice, as is a black man marrying a white woman, and we would never legislate unjustly against either of those communities regardless of their choices.
Bully for you!
Esprix
Dear Gay Guy
One thing I’ve always wanted to know, but never had a Gay Guy that thought I could ask is whether regularly being on the receiving end of anal sex has any impact on the, um, elimination function.
Dear Gay Guy!
I’m curious to see if you find my basic philosophy of gays as offensive.( I think its very fair but…)
I tend to view my gay friends the same way I view my friends who eat raw oysters…
I don’t understand the attraction.
To me, it seems a little gross.
I think they should be extra carefull of disease.
As long as they don’t hold me down and shove raw oysters down my throat, what the hell should I care…
Ok Esprix, I have another question. Without going into a whole gun debate, (I’ll accept your answer and will not argue) what do homosexuals think about defending themselves from hate crimes?
I read this article at www.Salon.com and thought of you right away
I guess I have a couple of questions.
Have you ever had any friends talk about this option?
What do you think of this article?
Do you think this would fly in the Gay community? Why or why not?
Is this just your opinion, or do you think it is indicative of most homosexuals?
Once again, I just want your opinion of the homosexual view on this issue. There are plenty of threads to flesh out the truths and myths associated with guns.
That’s what we’re here for!
My limited understanding is that, in general, the anus and sphincter are strong muscles and wouldn’t be shot simply from a few go-rounds. Extreme usage might cause long-term problems, but someone more experienced or a medical doctor might be more able to answer this question accurately. Every bottom I know has never had a problem, either short- or long-term, as far as I know.
I will pester my doctor boytoy and see what he says and get back to you.
Esprix
Billdo: not really.
bossbuster: You have a fairly enlightened view. I view sex with women pretty much the same way. I don’t really care as long as people don’t try to force me to be straight. I don’t care if it is in my face as long as I can be as out in the public as straight people it doesn’t make a difference.
Freedom: I read the article and found it fascinating. I personally would not agree with it because I am a pacifist. I will defend myself and my loved ones but I don’t think I could ever use something that is potentially a lethal force. I do carry pepper spray with me most of the time and am willing to apply it quite liberally to people who are acting in a threatening manner towards me or my loved ones. I also make sure to get the pepper spray that sprays a continuous stream rather than a cloud. That can be used against you too. I have sprayed people in the past who have tried to attack me. I have to say that it didn’t completely stop them (those silly gaybashers) but it did hurt him enough that after I knocked him down he didn’t get up and pursue me. I was not hurt in any way and no longer live in that homophobic Texas city.
HUGS!
Sqrl
Remember, being offensive has more to do with how you treat people than what you think of them. There are a lot of Christians in the world who think I’m going straight to Hell, but still treat me with respect, so it’s kind of hard to be offended by them.
Actually, I’ll bet some of your gay friends feel the same way about you - don’t understand the attraction, seem a little gross, and as long as you don’t force them to do what they don’t want to do, everyone’s happy.
Two points, tho. First of all, we all should be a little extra careful of diseases - AIDS is rising among minority communities, hepataitis and other STD’s are on the rise again, and generally you just never know.
Second, and more importantly, your above points are certainly fine, but do you view your gay friends with tolerance, true acceptance, or celebration? There are distinct differences between them, and may also be more indicative of the quality of your friendships with them.
Esprix