Ask the Gay Guy!

Great Debates
141

Dear Gay Guy:

If you have answered this before, I apologize. The thread in MPSIMS on Gaydar got me to thinkin’. In high school I was best friends with a pretty stereotypical gay man, who I met in drama club. Perhaps because of him, and the close friendships I’ve had with other gay/lesbians I think I have pretty damn good gaydar. Now this has also started debates, one friend (who is a lesbian) claims it’s impossible for a heterosexual to have gaydar, as it’s a flirting thing. And while it is not beyond the realm of possibilities for a lesbian to flirt with me (hell, I’m cute,), the likelyhood of a gay man flirting with me is admittedly impossible by definition. However, my gaydar, both male and female, is quite effective. So…

-Am I just assigning stereotypes? Like track-lighting and names like “Rick” and “Steve,” (name the movie!)

-I am a pretty observant person, I can “read” people very well. Perhaps it’s this. However, I share your particular problem when men ARE actually flirting with me. It’s hard for me to tell “polite and nice” from “give me your number.”

Sincerely yours,

SwimmingR.

DON PEDRO: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour.

BEATRICE: No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born. -Much Ado About Nothing, Act II, Sc: i

142

[quote]
Originally posted by Otto:
**

Re: Howard Dean’s above quote.

Yep. That was his first reaction, the moron. He’s supposed to be a liberal Democrat, too. Feh. What can you expect from a man with no neck? http://www.state.vt.us/governor/GRAPHICS/portrait2.jpg

At least Bernie Sanders is still cool. (the only Independant in the House of Representatives.)

DON PEDRO: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour.

BEATRICE: No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born. -Much Ado About Nothing, Act II, Sc: i

143

The Gay Guy [TM] wrote:

Q. What’s the difference between an oboe and a lawn mower?

A. You can tune a lawn mower.

144

This question may have been asked and answered if so please point me to the page it exists, cause im to lazy to read all of these posts. My question:

Do gay people find the TV show “Will and Grace” offensive? a realistic portrayal of Gay men in the 00’s? not offensive but then not realistic either?

I realize hardly any TV shows are realistic, but putting that large fact aside, can you give me an answer?

I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

145

This question may have been asked and answered if so please point me to the page it exists, cause im to lazy to read all of these posts. My question:

Do gay people find the TV show “Will and Grace” offensive? a realistic portrayal of Gay men in the 00’s? not offensive but then not realistic either?

I realize hardly any TV shows are realistic, but putting that large fact aside, can you give me an answer?

I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

146

If you’ve picked out gay guys that weren’t stereotypically gay (and I guess you probably have), then you’re not assigning stereotypes, are you? :slight_smile:

I think you’re on the money on the second one - being observant is the key, along with, in a way, knowing what to look for.

Esprix

Ask the Gay Guy!

147

Don’t get me started!

(Oh, what the hell. What’s the difference between a cello and a violin? A cell burns longer. How do you know the tenors are singing off-key? Their mouths are open. :D)

Esprix

Ask the Gay Guy!

148

The Gay Guy encourages all readers to take the time to read the entirety of this thread. It might not only prevent you from asking a repeat question, but you might learn something new to boot! (Your question, though, is a new one to us, so don’t fret.)

A very, very good friend of mine is publishing a book in June entitled “Alternate Channels” and is a chronicle of the portrayal of gays and lesbians on television and radio since the 1920’s, so he is more the expert than I, but I’ll take a stab at it.

“Will & Grace” is probably the most realistically-portrayed gay-themed show ever produced, for two reasons - Will and Jack.

To me, Will is the normal, non-sterotypical gay man, which appeals to those gay people who aren’t stereotypically gay, and helps people who only understand stereotypes that gay people are just like straight people. Basically, he’s bland, palatable and safe to the mainstream. His drawback, however, is that, to date, he’s sexless. Oh, we’ve seen a few boyfriends, but so far no overt sex, and certainly no romance.

Which brings us to Jack. Every episode references Jack’s escapades, and he’s allowed to push the envelope for those gay men who do identify with outrageous gay behavior, and those who want gay characters to be a little more “in your face” and a wake-up call to middle America that there are lots of different kinds of people out there, but that in its essence it doesn’t really matter. Jack’s drawback? He’s the comic relief character, so what he does, if it offends someone, can be written off as “oh that goofy Jack” and doesn’t have to be taken too seriously, nor do they have to be too scared by him, since he’s just so funny. (And, seriously, I know people who act exactly like Jack - me, for example - so it’s not like he’s not a realistic character.)

Perhaps I’m delving too deeply in to the psychology of television characters, maybe not. I’ll ask my buddy the author and see what he thinks.

Basically, both characters, in their 2-dimensional and opposite ways, are realistic, more so than most other gay characters in the past.

Esprix

Ask the Gay Guy!

149

And my friend the author replies! I told him that Will being normal-but-sexless and Jack being sexual-but-stereotypical made the show more palatable to the mainstream, and he wrote:

(“Brothers” was a Showtime series about 3 brothers, the youngest of whom, Cliff, was openly gay, and his best friend, Donald, was his flamboyant best friend. A great little sitcom, but I’ve only ever watched it in syndication once.)

When asked about his book, “Alternate Channels,” he said:

His name is Steven Capsuto.

Buy many, buy often, buy in June! :slight_smile:

Esprix, who has no shame

Ask the Gay Guy!

150

Has he definitely backed off running for the Senate? I know you have an openly gay state official (name escapes me as does the office…Ed something? Treasurer?) who is planning a US Senate run which would make him the first openly gay major party Senate nominee as well as with if he wins the first openly gay person ever elected to the Senate, but he’s not going to run if Bernie does.

Is it Flanagan? Ed Flanagan?

151

My good friend, a lesbian, has a baseball hat that says “We Recruit, Hon!” Makes me giggle every time I see it.

152

By the by, I asked Dr. Boyfriend about the prolonged posterior problems that might or might not result from being on the receiving end of anal intercourse. He said… no. Doesn’t happen. Of all the colo-rectal/anal problems he’s seen, none of them were bottoms or as a result of being a bottom.

Keep in mind the penis is not dissimilar in shape to, let’s say, Mr. Hankey, so obviously the musculature of the area is specifically designed to handle that. Even if you get into some really outrageous stuff (which is a miniscule percentage of people, both het and homo), the muscles can handle it. Unless you’re trying to sit on a steel girder, you’ll be fine.

Esprix

Ask the Gay Guy!

153

Look, Gay Guy, I don’t know where you keep YOUR colo-rectal area, but mine IS in my bottom.

:wink:

Live a Lush Life
Da Chef

154

Yep. Ed Flanagan, State Auditor. And to show you what an involved citizen I am, I had no idea he was gay. However, on the plus side, I watch the news, I vote in state politics, and it obviously has never been an issue with him. Taken from Ed’s website:

[quote]
As the nation’s first and only openly gay, statewide-elected official, Ed has
traveled across the country to promote equality for women, minorities, and all
who would be denied their birthright to live honestly with pride and dignity. He
has recently spoken out in favor of extending the rights of marriage to same sex
partners in Vermont following an historic state Supreme Court decision. As
Vermont State Auditor, Ed has built a strong reputation for taking on powerful
interests on behalf of those who seek equal opportunity. He plans on taking this
same fight to floor of the Senate, where he would become the first openly gay
United States Senator.**

I haven’t heard anything about Bernie running for Senate. He is definately the most controversal political figure in the state, people either love him or hate him. I tend to love him. Susan Sarandon, when asked if there are ANY politicians she approves of, said “There’s this independant Congressman from Vermont with wild hair. He knows what he’s doing.” He’s increadibly liberal, and actually follows through with action on his claims. Recently he took a bus load of senior citizens to Canada to buy perscription drugs, because they are up to 40% cheaper up there. He’s currently focusing on OPEC and gas prices, as home heating in Vermont tends to be a big deal.

This has been a message from the SwimmingRiddles policial fund. All opinions expressed above are that of the poster, and are not endorsed by the Ask the Gay Guy thread.

DON PEDRO: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour.

BEATRICE: No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born. -Much Ado About Nothing, Act II, Sc: i

155

Dear Gay Guy, (this would be so funnier with a photo diary (Kidding!!!))
do your family know? and how did they react?

156

Hmm, I suppose this question might be best addressed by Lesbian Woman the next time she passes by here (hi neuro!), but if anyone else wants to take a stab at this, please feel free.

How does the lesbian community view those women who turn to lesbian relationships after a heterosexual relationship gone sour? Are they considered bisexual rather than lesbian “converts”? I’m not referring here to people who have rebound flings, but people who establish and maintain lesbian relationships for a substantial period of time. Also, does anyone know whether there is a general tendency for these women to return to heterosexual relationships when their emotional scars have healed?

In the one case I know of personally, the motivation to enter a relationship with another woman wasn’t driven by sexual desire, but rather a wish to be involved with someone who could provide a loving and nuturing environment; she simply felt that she had a better chance of getting what she needed from a woman rather than a man.

(FTR, she was not physically abused by her former fiance, but terribly broken up emotionally by the fact that he had cheated on her. Her relationship with another woman had been going on for three years when I fell out of touch with our mutual acquaintances, so I don’t know whether it continues to this day.)

157

Of course, I meant a loving and nurturing environment…

158

Ah, the inevitable coming out story. I was wondering when we’d get around to this…

Well, I graduated high school in {mumble mumble mumble} What? Oh, alright, durn it - 1986. All during high school I was figuring something was up, but wasn’t really well-equipped to figure it out completely. I went to college in the fall of '86, and almost immediately met my first openly gay person (who, coincidentally, also dated my one and only girlfriend in high school before I did, both of us very briefly). It wasn’t long before I put two and two together, and on (or about) January 31, 1987, I officially figured it out and came out to myself, and began the process of telling my friends.

Well, a mother knows her son, and she obviously knew something was up. Then she met my openly gay friend, and took an immediate dislike to him. In May of '87 I had already come out to most of my friends (all of whom took it in stride, and I lost none of them), and at the same time I figured out that I wanted to change majors and change schools. When I told my folks about this, it started a conversation that had a lot of pent-up emotions that quickly exploded way beyond proportions. (Oh, did I also mention my mother was going through menopause at the same time? Talk about bad timing…)

Now, I was raised with one hard and fast rule - never lie to Mom. So, she started asking questions she really didn’t want the answers to, but I knew better than to lie, so when she asked me if I was gay, I said yes.

Emotional turmoil ensued.

Mom: “I thought you were a gift from God - I guess this is God’s joke on me.”

Dad: “… cock-sucking, butt-fucking faggot…”

Evil Sister (4 months later): “Your life is useless because you’re just going to die from AIDS anyway.”

Good Sister (about 7 years later): “Well, duh…”

Now, let’s keep in mind this was 1987.

Here we are 13 years later, and my mother said to me the other day, “Oh, we forgot to get something for Dr. Boyfriend for Christmas! Go out and get him something from us, will you? We don’t want him to feel left out.” (Dr. Boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months now.)

“Oh the times, they are a-changin’…”

Oh, no, I agree! :slight_smile:

Esprix

Ask the Gay Guy!

159

The best coming out story was courtesy of this guy I met waiting on 41st for Rent tickets. He chain smokes, and I think his grandmother or something had died of lung cancer. So smoking was a BIG no-no. So he went home for Christmas, and told his mother the following. “Merry Christmas! I smoke. Happy New Year! I’m gay.”

160

(Before anyone asks, no, I’m not obsessed with what goes into or comes out of anyone else’s ass like the radical right seems to be, but I have the cites, so I might as well post 'em.)

More clarification from Dr. Boyfriend:

Ain’t he the bee’s knees?

Esprix

Ask the Gay Guy!