Rachm Qoch is not Jesus!
I wander most of the known world, I preach peace and love to thousands of people. I am arrested, beaten, and put to death via crucifixion. I come back to save YOUR soul. I offer eternal life to all who believe in Me. I do all this, and what do you want–SPORTS PREDICTIONS???
Pats by 10.
To my knowledge, the winner gets a year’s worth of adoration from the other Dopers. Hello, I am the Lord Jesus Christ. I should get that for a lot more than a year. Besides, my ISP was giving me hell throughout Dec.
Jesus H Christ
[QUOTE=SSG Schwartz]
I wander most of the known world, I preach peace and love to thousands of people. I am arrested, beaten, and put to death via crucifixion. I come back to save YOUR soul. I offer eternal life to all who believe in Me. I do all this, and what do you want–SPORTS PREDICTIONS???
Pats by 10.
schweet!K. thx!
If you please, when did reincarnation get edited out of the Bible?
How do we access our subconscious so that we can get in touch with our soulmates?
When did cavemen have sex with apes, and what was the immediate outcome?
And, is the asian race the result of mating with aliens? Thjose yes ya know.
Bless you soffty, for asking the questions that have never been asked before. The Book that I inspired never had reincarnation. The Book that foretold My coming, I don’t believe ever said anything about reincarnation.
The second question is easier. Go to sleep and dream about your soulmate.
Third, the exact date escapes me, but Vince McMahon.
Finally, no. Ross Perot is the result.
Jesus H Christ.
Bless you soffty, for asking the questions that have never been asked before. The Book that I inspired never had reincarnation. The Book that foretold My coming, I don’t believe ever said anything about reincarnation.
The second question is easier. Go to sleep and dream about your soulmate.
Third, the exact date escapes Me, but Vince McMahon.
Finally, no. Ross Perot is the result.
Jesus H Christ.
Dear Savior,
Why do people hurt one another?
Why do some wish to deny others happiness?
And why do mods kill threads?
…
bbs2k, good to hear from you again, My child.
In order, because God has a wicked sense of humor.
Because for some, happiness is achieved when others are not happy. They want to balance their emotions with the whole world.
Finally, and the most important question, there is a certain mod, on this very board, in fact, in this very forum, I will deny when We meet. I can’t name names, but I hope he knows who he is. 
Jesus H Christ
Dear JHC: Now that you’ve had a chance to catch your breath, (You do breath, don’t you?) is that *really * your picture on the Quaker Oats Box? The same picture that scares the living hell out of kids around the world? 
Dear Jebus,
How do I get abs like yours?
When you were getting your ass kicked (pre-crucifixtion), did you take your own name in vain?
How did you get your eyes to follow me around the room in that picture of you in my grandma’s house?
Thanks, I am still recovering. The Super Bowl, Super Tuesday, and Fat Tuesday all in the same week. I had My name called out way too many times. I am so friggin’ hungover right now. But no, that is not My picture. I look like the guy you see in the burrito shell. No, not that one, the one that looks like the guy in the mirror fog that you must have seen.
Get nailed to a cross. It is a great upper body workout. Really did wonders for My Pecs as well.
Yeah, that sucked getting My ass kicked. I could have taken any of those guys. I didn’t call out My own name, but I did give those guys playing dice hemorrhoids. They told Me to shout and scream when I was being flogged. Something about it playing better in Hollywood.
What, I can’t be in a picture in your grandma’s house? Hey, BTW, give back some of those sweets you took from the bowl.
Jesus H Christ