What’s your take on Jesus Christ Superstar?
Does God really hate fags?
Ooh, Ooh, can I spot this one?
I’m rather convinced that God doesn’t hate homosexuals, or even homosexual behavior.
He does hate the term “fag” though. But he also hates Vegemite, and allows the existence of both to continue because he’s fascinated with the people that use it.
What’s to hate about cigarettes pray tell?
Does Jerry Garcia play lead guitar in Heaven’s house band?
And in that Rock N Roll Heaven, they’ve got a Hell of a band, right?
[QUOTE=chowder]
Smitings galore, eh? I am the loving Guy. I talked about love your neighbor and all that stuff. I don’t like the smitings. For the record, chowder, and listen up all My faithful, I did most of My work as One Man. Granted, I had some good connections, but a Man just the same.
I met Hitler a couple of times and talked to him about peace and love and how great this Christ guy is. He took it to heart and started killing Jewish people. You want the atrocities stopped, do something about it, and maybe you will have those twin blondes.
Aww, c’mon. You could have had an upgrade in Heaven if you had quoted Life of
Brian. That movie cracks My ass up.
I like Jesus Christ Superstar. Pilate actually was that flamboyant, and I did later walk across his swimming pool.
As to your second question, God doesn’t like a lot of people. He is the smiter. He flooded the world and burned down cities. The whole gay thing it the way they were doing it was spreading infection. You have penicillin and condoms now. Use them both and God will have to try to find a better reason to hate you. As to lesbians, well, I will just say that we have a pretty good porn collection in Heaven.
We didn’t get all the best rockers, but we got a lot of the good ones. Jimi Hendrix slipped away, as did Keith Moon. We did get The Big Bopper and Jim Morrison. Get you tickets now for the 2008 Summer Jam.
Jesus H Christ
I want you to understand this. I am not scared of anything, but I believe in Chuck Norris. I will not in any way make comments on Chuck Norris’ abilities or strengths.
The second one is easy: 14 k(ilos) of g(rass) in a F9ord) p(arked) d(owntown). The note was first scrawled in Kansas City, June 12th, 1996.
Jesus H Christ.
What would happen to you if you took your own name in vain? Would it cause some sort of supernatural paradox?
Uhhh, wasn’t that Herod?
OK, Jeebus, I know you guys in Heaven and Hell may not be all that technology-capable, so I have a hot one for you: Hell got the WRONG GUY. And so did Heaven.
The guy Hell SHOULD have gotten was Wozniak, he’s the engineering whizbang who designed the Apple, Jobs is mostly a sales and marketing guy though he does have a certain amount of tech savvy and very good judgement (probably related to the tech savvy.) Grab Woz and you won’t need Gates. Better yet, grab the guys from the Xerox PARC technology team that designed the OS that the Mac OS is a shameless copy of, and you won’t need Woz, Jobs or Gates.
Furthermore, Gates isn’t a genius software guy, he’s a genius BIZ guy. Microsoft DOS was a shameless ripoff of CP/M and Windows is a shameless ripoff of the Mac OS. The guy has great judgement, just like Jobs, but he’s not really a programing genius or anything like it.
Course, if you’ve already signed a contract with Gates, you’re probably screwed. He’s good at that.
[QUOTE=SSG Schwartz]
[QUOTE=chowder]
You want the atrocities stopped, do something about it, and maybe you will have those twin blondes.
You’re fudging the issue matey.
Ask yourself this…what the hell could I do to stop atrocities, I’m just one of Ogs kids.
You, on the other hand, are Ogs numero uno sprog, right?
So as I see it, a word in daddies ear could work wonders and/or miracles
Are you a Jew or a Christian?
You must have missed some of the posts here. I take My name in vain all the time. Just don’t swear by the hairs on your head. It is because people do this you have Rogaine.
Yeah, after 2000 or so years, I misremembered. Don’t tell the Pope. He would love it if he was infallible and I screwed up.
You got it in one. I had a talks with out tech department, Peter, and anyone else that would listen. We had briefings with Gates, Jobs, and even Woz. Gates got us until after the Rapture. How do you think he got so much money?
[Quote=chowder]
[QUOTE=Jesus H Christ]
Hey, I talk to Dad. Mostly it is to keep him from smiting people. He wants to start WWIII and destroy the world by fire. He will let people be, but the trade off is that people get busy trying to change the world themselves. What can you do? You can get on a plane to Iran, North Korea, or Rwanda. It doesn’t have to be you, chowder, my child but if not you, then who. I got a lot of prayers when Hitler took power. "Stop him,’ they said. I gave strength to millions. I made men want to fight against him in war. I gave many people the ability to get close to him and try to reason with him. All passed it off to Me. I am supposed to show up and tell him, hey Adolph, knock it off?
Think about it like this: Judas got Me arrested and got Me killed. He then killed himself. I love the guy for that. Why? Because without him there would be no Me. You want to rid the world of evil? Then rid the world of evil. You will have My support. I would advise you go about it peacefully. That was My message. It isn’t you personally. There are a lot of people out there who could do good, but would rather pass it off to the President of the US, or the UK Prime Minister, or Me, or God. I have empowered people to fix the world and very few want to do it.
That would be the hight of conceit for me to call myself a Christian. Actually, I am a good bingo player and like nature.
Jesus H Christ.
Why can’t you edit your own posts?
Dear Mr. Christ
long time sinner, first timer prayer. I have a question about one of your miracles.
When you fed the 500 with the loaves and the fishes, what sort of fish did you use and how was it prepared? Did you make tuna salad sandwiches? Scripture makes no mention of mayonnaise. Did you miraculously slice the loaves with your awesome divine power, or did you force your audience to have at it with pocket knives?
HHHEEEEEYYYY! Jesus, BABY!
Have I got a deal for You!
Think personal tours!
Think Summer blockbuster!
Think of your face onna glass at Burger King!!
Big bucks, cousin!
Yes, we’re related, on your Mom’s side of the family.
Sign here, you’ll never regret it!
Would I lie to You?
That is awesome. I am planning to order a few. As you can see, however, I have returned. I will not guarantee how that will affect your success with women. Gotta love those Japanese toys though.
I keep telling him not to play with My thread. If he does that again, his twins will be redheads.
I will that you to call me Jesus, Jesus Christ, or the Messiah. Mr Christ is really not respectful.
To answer your question, tuna was not available. I called the local deli, a nice guy named Saul and he came up with a salmon loaf. He made the sandwiches and catered the whole affair for cost. I had a good expense account. No, that was not really a miracle. Now Woodstock, that was a miracle. There was way more than 500 people there and We got all those kids fed. Even more, We got Sha-Na-Na to play. I have a special place for Bowser. That was the real party and no one got hurt.
Have you ever been to Miami in July? Without A/C? Offer me Burger King one more time and you will feel real heat. You saw the way those people freaked out over the no Whopper gimmick, and you want my face on a glass?
My people will get with your people. Mostly regarding a no contact order. You can pray to me, but you must stop leaving messages on my voice mail. How the hell did you get my number anyway?
I will announce my appearance on either Oprah or Larry King. I will not do it on a Summer Blockbuster Tour. Thanks for your interest.
Jesus H Christ
Jesus,
Who will win the superbowl this year?
Jesus: Why didn’t you show up last month and enter our Celebrity Death Pool? You would have been able to have the 13 names of the 13 youngest people who will die in 2008 and win the Pool guaranteed.