I find the idea of losing everything and starting over as you did after the earthquake fascinating. It is not rape related, but the idea of having to provide for oneself with extremly limited funds is something I think about.
There is such a dichotomy in the answers about how you feel about yourself and life. You seem like such a strong person, yet you have such an external locus of control about your life. Did what happened to you affect that, and has therapy tried to address that at all?
Puddle, I am really not sure how to address your query without into much more about my life and background which is part-and-partial to that person who is “me” of which the rapes are a small part.
I am strong because I have had to survive in some fashion even when life beat me down and survival was a chore. Of course therapy helped but I don’t feel that therapy “fixed me” by any stretch of the imagination. Like a band-aid or a salve, it helped the immediate wound but it far from addressed all the other issues I had in my life.
I am strong outwardly because it is what society expects, but like most people, I have a quivering core of Jell-O which does not feel strong at all. I am strong for my friends when they are in need. I constantly feel the pull of a depression and the loss of control. But having had therapists medicate me with anti-depressants after the rapes, I understand the difference between a chemical imbalance and simply going through hard times.