Fortunately for you Chef Troy, I am above petty acts of vengeance.
besides, it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean that counts (or that’s what girls always tell me.)
Oh Scylla, at the risk of sounding impatient, when I know your holiness is so… patient, and perfect… do tell… do tell, dear one, do tell…
Elly
You probably need a eunuch to keep all these consorts in line. I’ll happily volunteer.
(No, you don’t need to check to make sure that I’m a eunuch. Just take my word for it, and then give me the keys to your harem.)
::::sticking out lower lip and putting on her best cooing voice:::::
::::points to LNO:::::
Scylla, I don’t like him. Can you do something about it, dear one?
Well, I, for one, am not going to stand for this tyrrany! Can’t you all see that it’s all just lies and deception?! He doesn’t want to help people, he just wants the power!
But there’s hope! I’ve done a bit of research on this Scylla guy, and finally managed to isolate a weakness!
The only way to defeat Scylla is to
[Post edited by the Scylla, the All-Mighty. Carry on.]
Elenfair:
I intend to place you in charge of my Happy Fun Squads.
Your job will be restore order and goodwill to the world, by using your unique ummm… talents to track down malcontents, the disgruntled, and other overenthusiastic testosterone brains who want to stir up trouble.
Once you have done that, you will then use any and all means necessary to ummm… make them very happy, and err… satisfied.
Once they’ve been subdued by you and your Happy Fun Squads they will no longer be a threat to society. Quite the contrary I think they’ll be very grateful and happy!
You of course will be more than welcome to stop by the Imperial palace anytime.
Oh my.
Will you grant me all the rights to sell Viagra? I want the monopoly, dear one.
As for the Imperial Palace visits, well, you’re on.
Rrrroww…
E.
Oh, and Scylla, do I get to use some of those testosterone-charged men as my own personal slaves? Please, kitten?
Well, actually I was looking for somebody to be in charge of the auditions for the harem. You know, try out the tens of thousands of the world’s most beautiful and exotically talented women, and see which one’s are good enough for me.
Too bad your a eunuch though. I guess I’ll just have to do it myself.
Don’t feel sad though. There’s a place for you in my society. I hereby proclaim you Third Assistant Sewer Worker, Newark New Jersey.
I believe in a hands-off management style. You have broad powers of discretion and initiative which you should use in pursuit of your duties.
Any chance you need a cheerleader? I’ve got experience…
::puts on teeny-tiny cheerleader skirt & tight cheerleader sweater::
“Yeah Scylla
He’s our man!
If he can’t do it,
No one can!”
N.B. Please insert split jump where ever you feel it would be most appropriate.
Here’s some advice for Evil Overlords, but I suspect it’s not quite the direction you intend to go.
I would like to apply for the position of snivelling high-level clerk. I know how it gets - there’s never enough hours in day no matter how much you bend time with your mighty powers. Sometimes, you just wish you could flood the place and start again. But have no fear - I’ll be there to deal with all those troublesome Happy Fun Squad expenses forms for you. I’ll be there to pick your lunch when those vegetarians blockade your path. Most of all, I’ll be there to answer your phones and politely fob people off when you’d rather be doing something else.
So trust on Fran, your all-purpose snivelling clerk to make your days and nights easier. You know it makes sense.
Fran
Well, if I was a Benevolent Tyrant, I would appoint myself Mistress of Booze [sub]Which I suppose could be a fancy name for wine girl[/sub]. Wouldst you be needing my services, thou wise and mighty and generous?
Oh, you want a resumé? Sure. But you have to find it. It’s somewhere on my body.
This is a great thing. I now at last have the ear of the leader. I demand to be able to get paid for no work. No more meetings or projects with rediculous schedules and requirements. I will not take a pay cut.
I need a government vehicle for the traveling I will be doing with the time you have most graciously given me.
A government grant will be just the thing for me to study if living an opulent life adversely affects a workaholic.
After you have given me the above needs I will cheerfully support your despotismness.
You are gonna ban light beer, right?
Oh Scylla, do you have a position you could offer a humble wretch like me!!!
::bowing and backing out of the room::
Keith
Are they by any chance sitting beside you on the bed, patting your hand commiseratingly, while they tell you this?
Do they then go to “use the ladies’ room” for an extended time, during which you can hear what sounds like a bee buzzing around in there with them?
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Unfortunately, I believe it’s called lite beer. If appointed Mistress of Booze, that would be my first government sanctioned act – if Scylla the Sumptuous approves, of course. My second act would be to require all alcohol-selling establishments to carry Newcastle on tap. Mmmm.
<walks out of Scylla’s castle with odd-looking scars on each temple>
<drool> Scylla…good…me…like…Scylla…
Fuzzy guzzy bun-bun…<gurgle>