Okay, I’m not here to try & suck my way in to a high-level position. Never been good at it anyway. Got a question, though–
Could you PUH-LEEEEEEEZE do something about the ignorant (insert many colorful bad words here) WANKERS who drive with that UNFREAKINGBELIEVABLY LOUD BASS??? Man! Maybe you could have your Happy Fun Squad do something…happy and fun. Or you could issue ordinary citizens grenade launchers and we could do the Happy Fun thing ourselves?
Thanks for your consideration.
I humbly request that you do what it takes to insure every child is free from hunger and violence.
“Meet the new boss
same as the old boss…”
Okay, here’s my plan for driving; give everyone a turbo paintball gun when they get their license, and instruct them to use it whenever they see someone being a big wanker while driving. Hit 'em with a big splotch of fluorescent paint; all vehicle inspected monthly, vehicles with big splotches of fluorescent paint are used to kill their owners. Two birds with one stone, really; overpopulation fixed and better driving in one fell swoop.
(Oh, BTW, can I have Canada?)
Teaches me to try to out-think Scylla…
Grand leader, I humbly beg your forgiveness. In my mortal foolishness, I thought that I could outwit you. Please, sir, put my talents to better use elsewhere in your mighty empire. (And I’m not a eunuch, and I’ll submit to a test if so required. Just please – not New Jersey!)
Oh Scylla, dearest, you are the greatest leader of all.
I’ll be by the imperial palace, dear one.
As for YOU, odieman, YES YOU!
You are now officially my humble servant.
The job has a nice benefit package. Trust me.
Scylla, kitten… dove…
:::looks at chef troy::::::
sigh I guess HE fits my job description, right? Oh must I, dear one? Must I?
:::sighs again:::::
Ok, Chef Troy, you’re mine. C’mere.
What are gonna do tonight, Verrain?
Same thing we do everything night. Try to take over the world.
Tonight’s plan Pinky is simplicity itself. For years now, I have been masquerading as Scylla, a tough talking satirist with wacky farm experiences. With such topics as Goat Porn, Pigeon Deaths, and condemning vegetarians I have snared hundreds, thousands, nay Teeming Millions to be compelled to read every word I post. Slowly, I have been conditioning their minds, priming them to be ready the thread that will bring them under my complete control. With minds such as these under our control, the world will soon be ours! Have you got all that Pinky?
Righty-o Verrain. Your talky computer gizmo got it all. Narf! I’ll just push the button, and.
No, Pinky! That will ruin ev
Every all-powerful world dictator needs a personal mad scientist to carry out his twisted (yet, in this case, benevolent) desires. As a budding Mad Geneticist[sup]TM[/sup], I’m your man. Whaddya want first? Flying monkey-man troops? Quintuple-breasted warrior maiden Amazon bodyguards? Mayhap a subservient happy and obedient vassal race? Your wish is my command, O great one!
I’m sorry, El Supremo, but I don’t think you thought that one through. I would humbly suggest that you allow these misguided souls to continue their heresy and promote their breeding.
[sub]after all, we have to insure an alternate source of meat :D[/sub]
Oh most benevolent Scylla:
I ask nothing for myself in the way of privilege and special position. I have but two simple requests, hardly worth mentioning, really:
No more dandelions.
No more ants.
In return for these two incredibly small requests, I shall offer my terminally nice services to you in any way you desire. I am pretty handy - I could even make the French Maid costumes for the harem.
I already have my own.
Francesca:
No snivelling necessary in my benevolent society. I’m a grass roots, mingle with the masses kind of tyrant, and would like to keep up the appearnace of accessibility. Petition denied.
I think there may be an excellent spot as dominatrix available in my Happy Fun Squad if you are interested.
Tattva:
What duties would the mistress of booze perform (I hope it doesn’t involve odd uses for a bottle?)
deb2world:
I’m sorry, but I intend to be benevolent dictator of a utopian society. Government freebies are out.
Unclebeer:
I support the right to drink lite beer. When I play tennis I like to drink Coors light to keep hydrated. Athletes need to keep hydrated and without lite beer we might be forced into something unnatural like Gatorade or water. While I sympathize with your aesthetics, lite beer is for now a necessary evil. Perhaps one day we can devote the reesource s to find a better way, but until then…
Odieman:
What can you do?
Persephone:
Yes. Noise pollution is bad. No more bass. Count on it.
Tevya:
I wish it were that easy. With 5 1/2 billion people on this planet, it’s gonna be difficult to make sure they are all getting what they need. I have some ideas and will do my level best should I achieve my position. I actually have some ideas along this line, but we’re probably looking at a 20 year implementation phase before we achieve 99.9% + success in eliminating child hunger, abuse, and education problems.
Eutychus:
Hmmmm. ::Jots name on list for Happy Fun Squad to investigate::
featherlou:
We’re going to get you some help.
LNO:
You lied to me? You mean to say you’re not a eunuch? Oh don’t worry, we’re about to fix that.
Smeghead:
You may indeed prove useful. Let me introduce you to test subject LNO.
Ginger:
Sorry, Dandelions and ants are nature’s or God’s job. I merely intend to become ruler of all of mankind, not nature or creation. I do have my limitations. Sorry, I can’t help you.
A-HA! He’s NOT supreme, then! But Scylla, I only want you to outlaw them. Not make them go 'way. I’m sure there could be some kind of Happy Fun Squad for that.
Look, don’t do me no favors! Nothing is a bigger turnoff than someone who’s pursuing me out of obligation. Bleagh.
You’re hurting my feelings here.
Clearly, my services are not needed here!
::Packs pom-poms and stomps away::
You’ll be sorry you ever crossed THIS cheerleader, Mr!
grumble, grumble. No one appreciates a good cheerleader anymore.
Eeeeexcellent. I’ll need a rusty meat cleaver, a set of jumper cables, three pounds of lye, and a burlap sack filled with soapy frogs. I’m off to oil up.
Scylla, I can’t seem to find Jell-O Pudding Pops in my grocer’s freezer just lately. Is there anything to be done? If Jell-O has stopped making them, might you decree that they should return? Maybe you could tie it in with the children not starving thing.
Many thanks.
While you have already dismissed the need for a clerk, can I be a toady, yes-man, and full time apple polisher?? Please Sir??
Scylla:
I’ll look into the Euty thing, thank you for the heads up (nasty pun intended.) As for odieman, pending your approval, I’ve enlisted him as a slave.
Chef Troy:
You devil you… My job description has its set of benefits. This would be one of them. So get yer butt over here (and then make me a sandwich.)
Scylla, one question: how do you plan to depose the great Cecil? Or do you plan to have him around as your Merlin?