Mr. Supreme Leader, sir, will you be doing anything about Florida? I say they don’t DESERVE to have a state quarter! They let all the other states down when they botched their election. Bad state, no quarter for you!
And what about those five Supreme Court justices…?
Hazel does have a point, kitten, but I fear she may have missed the fact that there will no longer be a need for such… backwards… old… terrible… electoral systems. You will be the Glorious and Benevolent Dictator for Life.
Kitten, dove, cuddly duckling, I do miss you. I could use your gloriously brilliant mind to help me with Eutychus.
Say, alice, let’s… stay here a bit longer.
[sub]This is the best flan I’ve ever tasted! You are just the prettiest chef ever![/sub] **
Oh AlbertRose, you are SUCH a flaterer. 
Here, let me get you some more flan - look, I used raspberrys. Would you like me to rub your neck? Or just put my legs behind my head again?
Miller: nice try buddy.
The Mega-Force wil not be deceived by such paltry attempts at misdirection. My G-2 is already at work ferreting out your location.
You can run (we actually prefer that you do; moving targets are so much more entertaining), but you cannot hide!
Rest assured, we will deal with you and your rebel friends soon enough!
Just to chill your bones in anticipation…
My preferred methods of pacification commence with an encirclemet operation of target locations with the Armored Legions of the Mega Force. Upon encirclement, Phase 1 is implemented. This is a sustained, 24-hour bombardment with heavy rockets.
Do you remember those kick-ass scenes from Armegeddon of New York getting pummeled with asteroidal debris?
Mere Hollywood trickery compared to the assault of my Rocket Artillery!
Phase 2: entire wings of fighter-bombers shall rain down fiery death upon your wretched hovels, and you shall witness the agonizing deaths of thousands of your fellow partisans!
Pahse 3: squadrons of helicopter gunships will drive whatever population that remains into the cover of the smoldering debris!
Phase 4: legions of Armor, combined with ranks of artillery, will blast that smoldering debris into so many smaller piles, driving the miserable and devastated remnant into the sewers. My Armor will then sit upon your shattered homes, grinding their skeletons into the bloodied, scorched earth!
Phase 5: regiments of infantry will hunt you down through the sewers, yipping with laughter and excitement as they drag your women off to pleasure the loyal subjects of Scylla The Munificent!
Phase 6: when you are finally cornered in the deepest bowels of the sewers, hiding up tp your neck in the rancorous stink of shit and death, covering your ears to drown out the cries of the the dying (and the living!), we will leave you there in your kingdom of darkness, to contemplate the folly of your resistance!
Phase 7: The Mega-Force will then withdraw to a safe distance, therwith to commence gassing the now barren landscape you once called a home with heavier-than-air nerve agents. As you cower in the dank depths of your new kingdom of shit, you can gauge the progress of the gas from the miserable screams of the very last survivors, as their bodies twist and contort in agony from the nerve toxins consuming their brains and neural pathways.
Phase 8: my favorite part: Cleanup. This is the sub-surface detonation of a tactical thermonuclear warhead, to scorch the earth of your former homes, and ensure that it will remain barren for a thousand eternities.
While my methods are a little rough upon the land, they work every time I try them in simulation. My screening audience in the simulations heaved their lunches during Phase 2, and were dry-heaving, curled up on the floor in a fetal state by the time it was finished.
Alternatively, you may simply publicly renounce your cause, swear undying loyalty to Scylla, submit to a brief re-education internment with the Happy Fun Squads, (you’re gonna love it, trust me) and your homes will be spared.
Carrot-or-stick, buddy. Live in a land of wise and benevolent administration, that sees to your every need, rewards productivity, initiative and loyalty, or be crushed without mercy or quarter.
You Decide.
Ex-tank:
Remember, we are benevolent. Be sure and only commit atrocities where no one can witness them.
You must also constantly express regret the necessity of wanton slaughter, but as a soldier you do what you must to ensure lasting peace.
You know the drill, I’m sure.
That is sheer nonsense. I believe oiled leather thongs are considered uni-sex gear these days…
Keep talking, my Ravishing Red Rhombus… Tell me of your n-count, and don’t be mean. Oh goodness! I’m going to extrapolate!
Raspberry flan and a neck rub? W:DW!!
Uh, Elly, here’s a TI-92 calculator and some fresh batteries. Knock yourself out; I won’t be jealous.
[sub]Okay, alice. I’ll massage your calves and that spot just under either ear. What? At the same time? Sounds good to me! There… how’s that?[/sub]
Acutally, I think the plural of ‘smite’ is ‘smut’.
Speaking of Smut, have you seen my collection of Playboys? I only read 'em for the articles.
Fenris
:: Waits 'till Scylla isn’t looking, pulls out a big marking pen and draws big mustache on a wall-poster of Scylla (“Beneficent Scylla Wants YOU for his Goon Squad!”) ::
<horrible French accent>
“Viva La Resistance! Viva la Revolution! Down with the hated tyrant despot!”
</horrible French accent>
Resistance Fighter Fenris and His Merry Band of Pranksters!
:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):D;):):p:D;):):p:D:)DOWN WITH THE HATED HAPPY FUN SQUAD! DOWN WITH THE DREADED TYRANT! VIVA LA REVOLUTION!:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):)
:D;):):p:D;):):p:D;) :D;):):p:D;):):p:D;) :D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):D;):):p:D;):):p:D;):):D;):):p:D;)
Cell-Leader sirneF<-(Top Secret Code!) and His Unstoppable Army of Revolutionaries!
Bzzz[sub]zzzz[/sub]zzzzkracklezblsssszzz
WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST TO BRING YOU NEWS FROM FREEDOM FIGHTER FENRIS! WE CONTROL THE VERTICAL. WE CONTROL THE HORIZONTAL! WE CANNOT BE TRACED!
This is the first of a number of broadcasts using pirate radio equipment. Do not believe THE HATED DESPOT Scylla! He’s lulling you into a false sense of security (and a hell of a buzz) with his free beers! BUT SOON, YOU WILL SEE! He’s using his Happy Fun Squads to distract the populace while he launches ORBITAL MIND CONTROL LASERS!
Join with me, comrades and WE SHALL OVERTHROW this tyrant and we shall be a free and proud people once again!
Ignore me and you will soon find yourself as the first customer for Tyrant Scylla’s Lobotomy Clinics and Frappachino Bars! (“Enjoy an Iced Frappachino while you wait! Ice Picks are on Us”). Just wait 'till you’re sipping an iced Frappachino, staring at what used to be your frontal lobes floating in a jar! THEN you’ll be sorry!
Join Scylla and you will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.
Freedom Fighter Fenris
**
Fine Fenris. Be that way.
I’m trying to wipe out world hunger, poverty, child abuse, war, vegetarianism, simplify the legal system so that everybody gets justice, and MY Secret Police Force tracks down troublemakers and has sex with them (making them the greatest secret police force ever).
…And you’re against me?
You’re in favor of child abuse? Poverty? War?
You’re against sex?
What kind of human being are you? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Why don’t you go play with my Happy Fun Squad and get your act together?
While Happy Fun Kick Murder Squads are fine for the odd “persuasion” here and there, they are really no substitute for a fully staffed, professional Secret Police organization to defend the Scyllian autocracy and to keep you apprised of all the plots and sub-plots whirling about you like crazed killer bees at any given point in time.
Here’s my card. Think about it.
Yes.
You tried to smite me. Like when Superboy used his Super-Breath to blow out the fire in young Lex Luthor’s lab and made all his hair fall out, I could have been your staunchest supporter. But you have destroyed the possibility. Now I must skulk in shadows until the glorious day when I topple your despotic rule!
And if your regime is so wonderful, how do you explain the orbital mind-control lasers and the “Lobotomy Clinic and Frappachino Bars”? Hhmmmm?
<sings>
Do you hear the people sing
Singing the song of angry men
It is the music of the people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of our hearts
Echos the beating of the drums
It is the day about to dawn
When tomorrow comes!
</sings>
:: Ducks back in the shadows, a masked figure striking hope into the hearts of the oppressed! He’s sly as a fox, he’s swift as a cheetah, He is The Fuscia Fenris! ::
Well I’m sorry your bald, but I had nothing to do with it. If I’d tried to smite you you’d be smitten no skulking.
and I’ll have you know that those orbital lasers broadcast free porn.
You should know that lobotomies in a frappuccino bar would be redundant.
Catchy revolutionary theme song:
We’re all rebelling!
We’ll rebel all night
Scylla’s reign we’re quelling
We’ll be putting the world to right
With the taxes that he’ll levy
We’ll gain many revolutionaries
Fenris’s Army is on their way
Fenris’s Army is here to stay
And Scylla would rather be anywhere else
Than here today
Straight Dope is ours to win
Scylla’ll take it on the chin
Fenris’s Army, though still outlawed
The Teeming Millions do applaud.
Like the Lurkers and the Posters and the Admins and the Mods!
But there’s some danger
It’s a profession, a career
Though it could be arranged
With just a word in Uncle Cecil’s ear
Scylla’s rule will have to fall
My revolution will be the cure-all!
Fenris’s Army is on their way
Fenris’s Army is here to stay
And Scylla will soon be writing
his dossier!
Think about it folks: you can join with me and have catchy theme songs and fight the good fight, or you can be lured by the temporary promise of sex and beer (until the Orbital Mind Control Lasers and
the “Lobotomy Clinics and Frappachino Bars” remove your free will and destroy desire for any pleasure!)
Warning to all members of all cells: It’s rumored that Scylla has asked his goon Ex-Tank to kneecap (or worse) anyone caught even thinking about the possibility of humming any of the notes that are used in this song. Be CAREFUL! When his regime is overthrown, we will be free to sing any notes we please! Even the sharps really low ones on the piano!!
Freedom-loving Fenris!
Sorry, Scylla, but my man Fenris seems to have a lock on all the great tunes.
Ellen Fair Ellen Fair,
The one whacked with a chair.
You’d give my kids chocolate,
How do you dare?
No Dice babe. They are hyper enough already and a weapon unto themseves. Once unleashed they can lay waste to a home in minutes. I’d pit them against Generalisimo Tank any day.
The free babysitting was a tempting offer.
Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of Odie.
“Live in a land of wise and benevolent administration, that sees to your every need, rewards productivity, initiative and loyalty, or be crushed without mercy or quarter.”
Hummmmm… And if I go for the wise and benevolent thing, I get sex and beer? Free of charge? Okay, where do I sign?
Now, what’s the deadline for those five Supreme Court justices to report for re-education?
Hey, as head of the legal department, (last I heard) wouldn’t it be better if we just took 'em to court?
Oooo, MEEEEEEOW.
::Puts on cheering regalia::
“Yeah Al, Thats the Way!
Way to show em how to play,
So come on Al, Do it again!
Ya Hoo, Lets WIN!”
::Pauses to collect myself::
Why don’t we start our OWN happy fun squad, big boy.
Clearly, we have superior happy fun skills. AND I can kint us nifty little uniforms, with pom-poms and stuff.