At what age does someone being a virgin a dealbreaker for you?

In My Humble Opinion
166

Are we bringing this thread back?

I’ll contribute.

I lost my technical ‘virginity’ quite late - at 21, though I was doing…er…‘other’ things from 18.

For me it was just because I’m so shy. I’ve had the odd fling that lasts a week or a month or something, but I’m just too introverted and shy to really open up to someone else - I need my own space too much. That’s why I’m never overly interested in having a relationship - I’m too happy being on my own.

Losing my virginity only happened because I got very, very drunk at a party and (feeling insecure about being a virgin at 21) jumped on the first guy I saw.

167

A woman over 30 who is still a virgin, for whatever reason, will certainly have had an *unbelievable *amount of time to think about sex and fantasize about what her first time will be like. No way am I going to be able to live up to that, and no way am I even going to try. Besides, after all that waiting, she deserves better anyway.

I do have a friend whose number I could give her, though.

Edit: :smack: Didn’t notice that this was a zombie.

168

I’m in my late 30s and am a technical virgin.

I have had normal intercourse like, maybe 4 times in my life but
I’m very, very kinky, have been like that forever and I have experience in kinky stuff.

I understand women being wary of very late virgins, although I find that ruling out 22yo male virgins is a bit draconian.
Late 30s is another matter. If I were a normal woman, I’d be weary of dating a guy like me.

I was in a relationship until about 2 years ago and it had been about 4 years.
My ex gf was on medication that made her libido pretty low for extended periods, so most of the time it wasn’t really a problem that we weren’t having sex.
Sometimes she did want to have sex though so we did try and it wasn’t great. When that happened, typically she wouldn’t want to try again for several months, so I never got to get used to it. She was fairly kinky though, so that sustained things for a bit but eventually the relationship didn’t make sense anymore and she found someone else.

Before that I had been in this relationship where the girl told me something like “I don’t like guys who rush too much and I’d rather wait like 6 months before we have sex”.
I was like “alright, I’ll have time to prepare mentally!”. It turned out that maybe I was too hot because 1 month or so later she was complaining that I was frustrating her and things went downhill from there.

Of course, given such a track record, I’ve typically waited several years between each relationship. Because of my shame I often avoid responding to advances.

I’m not gay and I have no doubt about my attraction to women.
It’s just that the only kind of sex I care about is some really far out fetish, kinky stuff. When I lust for a woman, I think of her and I engaging in those fantasies, not having normal sex.

My relationship with my ex and the previous ones I was involved in were never solid because of this technical virginity problem.
So I pretty much can’t say that I’ve ever been in a really serious relationship.

I’m trying to do something about it all and am seeing a therapist.
The hardest thing for me is to care about having normal intercourse.
I just don’t care about it, even though I wish I did. It’s going to be hard work.

169

Gay male here, wouldn’t be a deal breaker at all. In fact, if the person didn’t want to have a sexual relationship at all (continue on in his virginity), I’d be fine with that. Not that I’m asexual (I enjoy sex quite a bit), but the sexual aspect of a romantic, committed relationship is by far not that important to me.

But yeah, if he’s absolutely perfect for me in every way, why in the WORLD would I care if he had had sex with another guy yet?

170

What do you mean by “technical virgin”? By the common definition, if you’ve had “regular” intercourse and experience in kinkier sex play than that, you are simply not a virgin.

171

Hi,
You’re right, I’m not using that word in the right way since it means someone who has done everything except intercourse. Oops.

I’m not a virgin in the strict sense, but i have so little experience of normal sex ( sex that doesn’t involve far out fetishism) that I might as well be a virgin. The average 19yo guy knows women better than I do. I’m almost in the same situation as guys my age who are real virgins because I’m also deeply ashamed of my lack of knowledge and experience.

I don’t attract that much attention but even when I do, I’m very weary of responding to women’s interest because I’m very afraid of what’s gonna happen at the end of the date that went super well and then I don’t know what to do because things don’t just “happen naturally” with me. The few times I did have intercourse were pretty clinical. It wasn’t romantic at all. And it wasn’t even fun for me or for her.

I avoid going on dates because I want to avoid the crushing disappointment to her and to myself eventually. Because I know that I can be a great date companion. I know that I can charm some women and they can charm me too and we can spend a great evening. But i’m deeply afraid of that moment when normal men and women know that it’s time to have sex. I’m afraid of that moment because at that point, she will see that I’m not normal and that the great guy she spent the evening with is a freak. It’s happened before. More than once.

That’s why I feel like I can relate to the real virgins. I face the same issues.

172

I’m female. Finding a virgin male, at any age, would not be a problem. If, as the OP meant, we were good together in all ways, and I could tell he wasn’t Norman Bates in his spare time, I’d be flattered he’d waited for the right person. Me, of course. No danger of STD’s either.

Back when Babylon 5 was still on I swooned for Marcus Cole, but I was already older than he was, and he had his eye on Susan Ivanova.

173

I know virgin threads and this thread is no virgin. This thread has been around the block.

174

As long as they are enthusiastic about having lots of great sex with me, I don’t see why it would be an issue.

175

Not sure if you’ll ever come back and see this, but why don’t you just look for a woman for a real long-term relationship via FetLife or a similar kinkster website? That way you can indulge your kinks with a like-minded woman and have a real relationship.

176

I am female and must say that I am pretty much the opposite of a hopeless romantic. I definitely wouldn’t date a virgin of any age, of either gender at this point in my life (I’m in my 30’s). When I was younger, I probably would have considered it a deal breaker regardless of the other person’s age after I hit age 21 or 22. After a while, you just want to be with someone who can plug and play, if you catch my drift. :wink:

177

It does seem that women are very, very unforgiving of male virginity or inexperience.
No wonder male virgins or inexperienced males in general feel so worthless.

@ferret herder :
I’ve been on it for years and nothing came out of it.
It’s just plain hard to meet people and when you have weirdo strict expectations it’s even worse.

178

I’d wager their virginity garners considerably more sneers from their male peers than it does with women.

179

and my point was that the potential partners of heterosexual male virgins seem much more unforgiving than the potential partners of female heterosexual virgins.

180

Maybe, but any “worthlessness” they feel for being virgins probably predates them ever even having had an intimate conversation with a woman about their condition.

181

I could maybe deal with a virgin in a very rare circumstance like say he’s just been released as a POW (but then I don’t know if I could deal with his psychological problems from that anyway). So it’s not really the not knowing what they’re doing thing as much as whatever prevented him from having sex. Even then it might be hard to trust him because I’d think he might want to go sow his wild oats later.

It might also be a problem that he didn’t know what he was doing, I’m not sure. I’ve never had sex with a virgin so I don’t know how long it takes them to get the hang of things.

182

YES. Yes it does. It took me until age 26 to lose my virginity. One thing that was not helpful was that my “best friend” at the time always talked in great detail about the current woman he was fucking, and downplayed the fact that she would never seem to call him again after they did it more than once or twice. He would make a lot of “teasing” remarks around my other friends, but none of my other friends seeemd to join in or care.

One time, I think I was about 25 and my “best friend” and I were watching the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Barney loses his virginity to an older woman nicknamed “The Man Maker”. He told me I needed one of those, since it’s too late for me to lose my virgnity to a woman through normal dating. Too late, huh? Cause no guy has ever been able to lose his virginity in his mid 20’s through normal dating ever. :rolleyes:

Anyway, he did do one thing right. He introduced the woman (now my wife) who I’d lose my virginity to at age 26. While her and I were dating, he advised me NOT to let her know I was a virgin 'cause she’d be turned off. So I never lied and told her I wasn’t, but also didn’t tell her I was but tried to act in such a way that she wouldn’t think I was. I had her fooled, but her and I started to try to have sex and I had…let’s just say…a LOT of difficulty. She was concerned and eventually found out through my friend that I was a virgin. And SURPRISE…she didn’t care, didn’t find it off-putting or a even remotely consider it a deal breaker. Shortly after that, him and I stopped being friends.

So if you are a virgin, don’t try to hide it and…this is MUCH easier said than done…be comfortable with it. And if you have a friend that makes you feel inferior for being one, dump him/her NOW.

183

An ex of mine’s stepdad used to do this to him. When he was like 15.

184

As a 20-year-old male who has never had coitus I am perhaps somewhat biased, but I have not the slightest objection to a virgin girl, and I don’t see why the reverse should be a “dealbreaker” either. I can certainly understand not wanting to be with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with YOU, but if you like the person in every other way, it just seems bizarre and cruel to reject him because he has never had sex with ANOTHER girl.

185

Age doesn’t matter, what matters is their reason for being a virgin. Don’t like sex? deal breaker. Religious/waiting till marriage? deal breaker. Haven’t had opportunity? I guess that would be ok, I don’t see how a woman i would be attracted with enough to try to have a relationship with would not have had opportunities to have sex though, maybe social anxiety.