Serious or not, this comment is out of line for the thread. No warning issued.
Exodus 9:12
And the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart, and he did not listen to them, just as the LORD had spoken to Moses.
So even if Pharaoh’s heart could have been changed God interferes and prevents it. What an SoB.
Oddly specific, too. Did this situation really come up often enough to specifically write about?
You know, there are certain times someone will mention an extremely specific rule and you can’t help but think there’s a story behind it.
Scribe: “Okay, so we’ve covered everything up to the part where your husband’s brother refuses to carry on the family name in Israel, yadda yadda, yadda, he loses his shoe and you spat in his face… Okay, I’ve still got some tablet left. Anything else?”
Hebrew: “Well, there was this one time…”
Numbers 24:8 - “God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows.”
Deuteronomy 33:17 - “His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth.”
Job 39:9-10 - “Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib? Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? Or will he harrow the valleys after thee?”
Psalm 92:10 - “But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.”
Isaiah 34:7 - “And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.”
That’s right people, unicorns exist. The Bible says so!!
Yeah, except maybe the unicorns weren’t exactly like we think. It turns out that real-life unicorns are a lot bigger than horses, are grey, and covered with armored skin.
Soooo…which Biblical scholar shoehorned the description of a rhino into all the mentions of a unicorn in the Bible?
How’s your Biblical Hebrew?
That would be pretty glorious. A bullock, like a steer, is a castrated bull. The castrating is done when the fella is still a youngster, when he’s not so dangerous. Hard to imagine how a boy calf could produce a firstling (firstborn.)
Misread this as “His glory is like the fisting of his bullock.”
I’m Christian, and I have mentioned Ezekiel 23:20 more than once to fellow believers. Yep, it’s in there. 
As for the Deuteronomy verse about cutting off a woman’s hand if she grabs a man’s junk, that does sound like one of those rules that has a “story”. One whose “story” is known is the one regarding mixed fibers. That’s “prohibited” because in Biblical times, as now, people were mixing cheaper fibers in with thread and yarn, and passing it off as the more expensive item. And the New Testament story about women being prohibited from talking in church? That’s because the women would chit-chat prior to the service, and not stop when the service began.
In the months preceding December 21, 2012, there was a cartoon circulating online where a man is carving something on a wheel and says, “I’m going to run out of room in late 2012” and another person says, “Cool! That’ll freak people out someday!” I also believe that John 21:25 explains a lot.
Any pastors here on the Dope?
Or a narwhal?
Just sort of a goofy one, Matthew 17:24-27:
:dubious: Wait–what? I mean, you’ve got this politico-theological point about paying the temple tax or something, but then–Jesus tells Peter to catch a fish and there’s a coin in its mouth?!?
Well, the King James Bible says so at any rate. Other translations say something like “ox”.
“Can you draw out leviathan with a hook?”
Yes. Whalers did that for centuries.
I was always fond of Deuteronomy 23:1 (NIV)
Both because it seems like adding insult to injury to kick someone out of the church after their balls got crushed, and also because how exactly would this be enforced?
But the rule forbids wearing mixed fibers, not selling them.
The reasoning I have heard for this is that the Israelites wanted to prevent the formation of a eunuch priesthood - as was apparently not uncommon Med. world in antiquity (think of the priests of Cybele as the most prominent example).
In this theory, the prohibition didn’t apply to accidental injury, but to deliberate castration. The Priests of Cybele did this to themselves. :eek:
This then would just be another way for the Israelites to make their cult practices different from their neighbours - like their rejection of human sacrifice.
Assuming this interpretation applies (and as far as I know, there is limited evidence either way), this quote makes a certain degree of sense.
Is it worth pointing out that Leviathan in the OT isn’t a humble whale, but rather a mythical sea monster, who is only supposed to die at the end of time? 
Right. Whales don’t usually have scales or breathe smoke and fire.