You’ve got two for three. I never claimed infallibility, just good intentions.
So, I should let the Mom do her best to terrify our daughter into co-dependant submission? I think all these 'the best for you to do is…" assume a cooperation from the other parent I don’t have.
Even when I call Emma, Holly is sitting right in her face staring at her to make sure she doesn’t say anything she hasn’t been told to say.
That’s not communication.
Whatever. If you can’t see that you’re being every bit as manipulative and emotionally abusive and just plain fucking selfish as your ex is, then nothing we say is going to make any difference.
And if that is how you see the situation, none of your advice is going to make a lick of sense.
Hint: thats how EVERYONE whos read this thread has read the situation. You are being a complete asshole, maybe not as much as your ex but BOTH of you are doing harm to the poor child.
When you deal with your daughter what your ex is doing should in no way shape or form affect the way you act. You should treat her exactly the same now as you would if your ex won the noble prize for most awesome mom on the planet.
Not everyone. I posted to give an update for a few who know more than you.
Too much for a seven year old to deal with. Absolutely. Caring for a viscious invalid when you’re seven is too much. Hearing daily harangues against your father? Too much. Being made to feel that upsetting your mom in any way whatsoever will make her die. Too Much.
One phone call to explain why I’m sparing her this, to the greatest extent I can? Not so much.
That’s the way I see It, and I don’t apologize, the situation was not of my making, is I have done my best to be even handed, loving (to both of them) and kind.
I’ve bent over backwards, to have a relationship with my daughter, and I’m being repeatedly kicked in the nuts for it.
You seem to be telling me that objecting to the abuse is worse than the abuse she receives.
I differ. I’m not begging to differ, I just differ.
That’s ludicrous. If your partner thought it was cute to train a puppy to attack you on sight, would you treat that puppy the same? What would it say about your partner?
OK, Holly’s coaching hate to Emma should not affect the way we communicate.
You’re living in a fantasy world, pal. This is not a hallmark network drama.
If you were counseling a woman to put up with this sort of abuse, for the sake of ‘keeping the family together’, Folks would be up in arms. But, as it’s me, a single father, “Shut up, Suck it up, and let her do anything she wants to your daughter” That’s OK advice?
I used to come for the best and the brightest conversing in a humourous manner. What happened to them guys?
You dropped a steaming load of buzzkill?
ETA, what happened is that your situation isn’t funny. There’s nothing funny about it. There’s also nothing here to pat you on the back for, so if you came in looking for us to tell you what a great guy you are, tough.
It is my sincere wish that none of you ever have to go through what I have.
Godspeed and blessing upon you all.
I’ve had my say, and will continue living my life in the way I see best fit for myself and daughter.
Thank you.
I’m sorry things are going so rough for you right now. It has to be tough to try to figure out the best way to father your daughter in this situation. I’m glad that you gave us the update though; I remember reading the original thread and so, as unsatisfactory as the follow-up may be, it’s good to know what happened of the situation.
If you’re still around, I am curious, what do you feel that the following is a positive or negative remark about Holly?
I understand that regardless of if it is positive or negative, it is most likely accurate. I’m just curious how you perceive the remark.
On a complete OT note, when did you change your user name?
Difficult as this situation is, personal insults aren’t allowed in this forum. I’ll lock this thread if the vitriol continues.
I don’t know you and I don’t know the exact particulars of your situation, except what I’ve read here on the Dope. From your description your ex sounds like a truly horrible person. I am not saying that I doubt this at all, as I know first hand the levels of cruelty and insanity people can inflict on one another, and that many of those people are willing to use others, including their children, to that end.
However, the way you worded your OP, and your subsequent posts in this thread, make you seem churlish and self-righteous, and like I said upthread, this is resonating with some of us because it is ALL too familiar.
You sound just like my Dad… “Poor me, my children don’t love me or treat me the way I want to be treated. My ex is a bitch who is poisioning my kids minds. I can’t get ahead. I do everything for them and this is the way they treat me.” He too bitched about how much access he had, but then removed himself physically from being able to take advantage of his visitation rights (also supervised).
Acting like a martyr isn’t going to win you anything. “One phone call to explain why I’m sparing her this, to the greatest extent I can” is not the way your OP reads, or they way it sounds from your subsequent posts on the matter, and to say this sounds disingenous.
I don’t believe that anyone told you to shut up or suck it up. You are the one who has removed yourself from more contact with your daughter. Yes, I understand that you’ve said that your ex makes it difficult. It is not, however, impossible. I know two different men who were in similar straights as you with an ex who had more resources and were very vindictive and controlling, and tried to “turn the kids” against them. Both of these men are doing everything in their power to keep as much contact with their kids as they legally can, and are fighting for additional access.
For what it is worth (I doubt it is very much, since you’ve already referred to me and others in this thread as “self righeous blue nose churchladies” and “a den of jackals”) I think it is positively awful that your daughter is being pressured or coached by her mother to act the way she does toward you. But it sure as hell is not justification for the way you’re acting with your daughter, or here towards the people that you addressed this to.
Not good enough to say that you only intended this to be read and/or responded to by the people who were previously aware of your situation and sympathized with you. I did the search, I’ve read your other threads. It is not that I do not sympathize with your situation. It is that I think it is abhorrent that your actions here are helping to give your kid the impression that this is her problem to fix. One more time… IT IS NOT!
Sorry to hear what you’re going through.
The sad part in any divorce and/or custody matter is that no matter how insane, mean, unethical, manipulative or outright destructive the woman is in the matter, everyone on Earth, with very few exceptions, is going to come down on your ass over every little thing you do that doesn’t meet with their standards of perfection in behavior.
You can’t possibly do everything right in everyone’s eyes, and frankly, I’m damned sick of the vultures who hover over the wounded waiting for the slightest opening to condemn and abuse.
Hold in there and please don’t hold it against the entire dope just because we have a lot of judgemental jerks on the board who love to flamefest anyone who is less than perfect.
(Geez, just think of how this thread had gone if you’d offhandedly mentioned that she was fat! 
)
*Such *bullshit.
Did anyone here say that her behavior is okay?
Nobody is giving her a pass. But since she’s not here, addressing her seems silly.
And sure as hell no one giving him a hard time because he happens to have a penis, but you keep telling yourself that’s how the world works, if it makes you feel better. Pretty fucking weak, but whatever helps you sleep.
And no one here is perfect or claiming to be. But if saying “hey, stop treating your kid like shit” makes me a judgemental jerk, I can live with that.
To the OP: I know you have no money to go back to court right now, but can you get a court appointed or pro-bono attorney to help you? I’m not sure how family court works in this regard, but if you can get the case back in court, do so. Then have your daughter appointed a Guardian Ad Litem or a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) who will represent and advocate for YOUR DAUGHTER’s best interests. I think this is essential for any messy custody situation (and you may have already done this, in which case-nevermind).
Closed at the request of the OP.