Why did the elephant paint her toenails red?
So she could hide in the strawberry patch without being seen.
Why did the elephant wear a green felt hat?
So she could walk across pool tables without being seen.
Why did the elephant paint the bottoms of her feet yellow?
So she could hide upside-down in the mustard.
Have you ever seen an elephant in any of these places?
Of course not. These are effective disguises.
Why did the projector blush?
It saw the filmstrip.
Why did the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
“The elephants are coming!”
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming with sunglasses on?
Nothing. He didn’t recognize them.
How do you fit seven elephants in a Volkswagen?
Three in the front, three in the back and one in the trunk.
Why did the duck cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Why did the dog cross the road?
It was the duck’s day off.
bear with me . . .
Why did the horse cross the road?
It was the dog’s day off.
Why did the bear cross the road?
It was the horse’s day off.
Why did the ape cross the road?
It was the bear’s day off.
Why did the human tear up the road?
He was sick of all those friggin’ animals crossing it.
AND NOW . . .
** ADMIRAL BORG PROUDLY PRESENTS . . .**
** THE ABSOLUTE WORST JOKE KNOWN TO ANYTHING THAT EVER HAS, DOES, EVER WILL, OR WON’T EXIST!!!**
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To get to the Other Side.
::ducks flying tomatoes and rotten cabbages::