Bagel Injuries Anyone?!?

Ever wonder about some of the people you work with? This was sent from our VP of Human Resources Friday - I guess we can’t be trusted…I think I’m going to run with scissors, or stick a fork in an open outlet…ahhhhhh - lollipop in my mouth while I walk…maybe I’ll even eat paste!

“The raft of bagel related injuries continues. Apparently staff have been bypassing the safer, but duller, bagel cutters and instead using large serrated knives to split these Friday treats. This has resulted in an inordinate number of injuries. In order to stop employees from injuring themselves, the knives have been removed and will no longer be available. Please do not replace them. I understand that some of the bagel cutters are no longer sharp; replacements have been ordered.”

Actually, I once injured myself in that very way. Not at work, though. I was at home, and under the influence of more than a few beers, when I decided to have a bagel. This necessitated the washing of my bread slicing knife. I washed it without incident in the sink, and then, prior to drying it, gave it a vigorous shake to dislodge stray water droplets…and whacked myself on the tip of my left middle finger with it. Blood everywhere.:eek:

I slapped on a bandage, rinsed the blood off the knife (and the counter) and had a nice toasty bagel. Mmmm…bagels…

Sounds like the folks you work with aren’t exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer.

You should suggest the use of those mesh gloves that can’t be cut. Then, people could have their sharp knives and safety.
Plus, think how cool it’d look. snicker

Is he talking about instruments or personnell?

Sorry to hear about your bagel incident Ferrous. I can see how the influence of “more than a few beers” would alter one’s judgement. This email was sent at like 10am! In an office! People were sober. I found out that there are at least two incidents each week concerning these bagels. I’m almost concerned to walk the hallways with these people! :slight_smile:

Yeah, I can pretty much be counted on to not slice my finger open while cutting bagels sober. Twice a week? It sounds like you really do work with some dangerous folks!

How are your co-workers getting injured? Does it seem like the bagels are twisting or going off-balance while they are being sliced?

If so, it is a clear case of demonic bagel possession. You must get a young rabbi and an old rabbi…

One would think both the personnell as well as those bagel cutters aren’t too sharp. Its a sad, sad thing.

heresiarch thanks for the great laugh! Care to come to my office and watch as the ceremony is performed?

Well, my first job was in a bagel store, and the first thing they taught us was how to slice a bagel without hurting yourself. Although I’m rather klutzy, I’m proud to say that in almost 3 years working there (and thousands of bagels sliced), I only cut myself once while slicing a bagel. We did have some workers who were much more accident prone. We used serrated knives–those bagel cutters would just mush the bagels when they were warm.

Here are some tips:[ul][]Be sure you’re knives are sharp. You’re far more likely to cut yourself with a dull one, as you have to use more force and are more likely to slip []rest your palm on the bagel as you’re slicing, and hold your fingers as far up as possible. I’m serious–when I was training the new workers, I always told them to bend their fingers backward as much as possible a more “advanced” technique is to only slice about halfway through the bagel while it’s laying flat. Then, leaving the knife inside the bagel, flip it on it’s side (so that the uncut half points down) and kind of “roll” the bagel while pressing downward to slice it the rest of the way. It’s hard to describe in print, and requires a sharp knife and a good cutting board.[/ul]


Does it count as a bagel injury if one were to, for instance, slice open one’s finger on the ridiculously sharp foil cover under the lid of a strawberry cream cheese tub?

Not that I’m so completely lacking in manual dexterity that I actually could have done that. Just a hypothetical question. Really.

It’s an epidemic.

My boss once bit into a bagel and broke a tooth. Does that count? (No, there were no foreign objects in said bagel.)

Uh, well… I’ve cut my finger when I was cutting a bagel… twice… on the same damn spot… :o

The bagels we had (both times) were stale, so the bread was hard, yet sort of slippery. It was sliced about halfway through and I stood the bagel up on its side (like I always do when cutting bagels), and the knife sort-of caught a second on the bread, then skidded, right onto my middle finger. It was a fairly deep slice and bled a lot, but didn’t hurt a lot because the knife was sharp.

A few months later, I did the same damn thing, and it even sliced right on the old slice mark. So now I have this clean line on my fingerprint where there are no whorls or lines. I better not commit a crime, 'cause I bet that’d be an easy identifier! :wink:

i believe most of the bagel injuries occur when the cutter hold the bagel in one hand while slicing into the bagel in the other. bad, bad, move.

on bagel day in our office the bagels are precut at the bakery. there are plastic knife cream cheese injuries, as the hungering hoards just go at it with the knives and are rather happy to stab a fellow employee, over the hot pepper cream cheese.

I am totally abashed to report that the scar on my left index finger is the result of a self-inflicted, done while sober, bagel-cutting incident.

One evening I decided to make myself a bagel sandwich. Now, anyone who has frequented a bagel shop should know that the proper slicing technique is to set the bagel down on a counter, hold it down with your knuckles and slice horizontally. I took the large serrated bread knife and, holding my bagel of choice in my left hand, sliced through the bagel.

I also sliced through my finger, the resulting shock causing me to drop the bagel. I picked it up (the bagel, not my finger) and went into the bathroom to rinse it out.

It bled and bled and bled, and it was a really deep cut. I told my wife that I had cut myself and needed to go to the emergency room.

Three stitches and a guy who now takes great care to slice through his bagels properly.

Sorry to hear of all of your bagel stories. I guess this is more of a tragedy than I once thought. I was discussing this with a fellow employee and she stated that at her old job this was a weekly injury as well. Guess I just never realized how dangerous those yummy morning treats are! :smiley:

What you need is a little bagel box - a little wooden box the size of a bagel that you slip the bagel in, and then it has a slot for guiding the knife perfectly.

But why settle for a bagel box when you can buy a bagel guillotine?

I bet you could really take off some fingers with that one if you tried.

Apparently it’s not a good idea to serve bagels at a bris.