'Now honey, my baby, don’t put my love on the shelf. She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself." 
I have a confession to make. Some of those men don’t look that bad. I either don’t have high standards or need some lovin’ real bad. Or maybe both. 
My trailer-trash dad and his trailer-trash 3rd wife live with her trailer-trash kids about 5 miles from the wedding site, off SR 52When you said “New York Ave” in your OP, all I could think was OH GOD IT’S IN HUDSON.
Hudson is (largely) a dump. There are a couple of developments, on its outskirts, that aren’t too bad, but by and large (especially around Little Rd, SR 52, and US 19) it’s a dump. I knew when you said it was a trashy Florida wedding what it would generally look like, but when it got narrowed down to Hudson, on NY Ave (which I’ve been down more than a couple of times), I knew exactly how it would go. When I used to visit my dad and his 3rd wife, it was a very “Gorillas in the Mist” experience. I always felt that I should have kept a diary, like an anthropologist or something.
Dude, just what are you injecting in those guys you got tied up?
I can’t get over the pantsless mother-of-the-bride. (At least she LOOKS to be without pants.) Or the fact that the bride saw fit to leave her child in diapers all day. It’s Mama’s wedding day! Doesn’t that at least rate some clothing-like material?
As for the bucket of yellow water, I have no comment. It’s difficult to imagine but some people do live like that. So sad to see people raising their children in ignorance.
Bear_Napples, just be glad your twig didn’t end up on the same branch.
Judging from your pics you aren’t even in the same orchard.
After saying that…
How you doin’?
I’d complain that someone beat me to saying this, but I’m married. Happily. Ah well. 
Seeing those pictures almost makes me grateful for the set of inlaws I got with that deal, too. Mmm… well… let me think about it.
I kid! Mostly!
On a serious note, I have to give my mother 100% of the credit for that. The pantsless mother of the bride, the long bearded fellow, the man who caught the garder… they are all her siblings. They were all raised the same way in the same house. Thank God my mom had ambition!! She swore that her kids would never live the way she did. She moved out at 14!! Just escaped from it all. She got a job, an apartment, and a car with a broken reverse gear. She worked hard and set her priorities. Her three children have always been her number one priorities! She’s worked everyday of her life since then and she doesn’t waste money on beer or drugs or other nonsense. She never buys anything at all for herself. We have to make sure she gets new clothes and new shoes and stuff, because she will spend every last cent on her kids or her grandchildren!
Though she did drop out of school, I can hardly blame her. She was the oldest of 7 and practically mothered them all since she was three. She was required to change diapers and wash dishes and clean. At three!!! I guess it just made her a better mother!
Any of her siblings could have made themselves as well off as she did. I don’t know what their deal is! It’s like they just don’t mind the way they live. One uncle spends close to $250 a week on BUSCH BEER alone!!! And he’s late on his rent and his kids need new school clothes. . . Shit, his kids get our hand-me-downs.
Like I mentioned before, that family in the pics just recently blew through over $250,000!!! Other than the new trailor ($70,000?) I can’t see where any of it went!!!
If you’ll all excuse me, I need to go hug my mom
Knowed Out, it’s Lactated Ringer’s. Just a simple IV, but they work wonders for preventing hangovers. Notice the bottle of Jim Beam in his hand.
There was another baby in attendance that did not make any of the pictures. His name is Gunner. Gunner?! I actually knew a Gunner once. He was a pure bred weimaraner and belonged to one of my TAC SGTs at Bragg.
Gunner?! … wow. That’s not like a nicname given at birth either. That’s his freakin name! Why not just name him Killer, or Nitro, or something.
Holy Crap!
Bear, so… I repeat the question that was asked earlier… there wasn’t a Mrs Napples?
Are you sure the kid wasn’t named Gomer?
Gomer… lol.
And, nope. No Mrs. Napples. The only Mrs. Napples, is my sister (in-law), Jackie Napples. She was in New York with my brother. Though, if they were in town, I doubt they would have attended. I mean, why would they? My mom went because “family” is the most important thing in the world to her. And I went because I knew it would make a great Thread!!
I have no Mrs. Napples. 
If I did, I don’t think I would subject her to this though.
Oh I did. But I kept my hands behind my back!!! I made sure to not catch that thing!!!
Oh, and about the MREs. I’m not sharing those!!! They came out with some new menu items and added CLAM CHOWDER. The white kind. OMG, how awesome. When I think about 3 year old clam chowder… well I dont want to think about it. But it really is good!
BTW, were you just curious if Bambi and I pulled off a hilarious “meet my guy-lover” at the hillbilly party? Or are wondering if I’m single
::looking at the groom::
Do my eyes deceive me, or does that guy look pre-cise-ly like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel?
The really amazing thing to me, and it’s also kind of sad, is how happy the kids look, playing on the stump. I really want those kids to make it…
I wish you hadn’t written that- I almost fell off my chair laughing. And I’ve only had two beers!
True, but mostly that, combined with DRINKING dirty, stagnant water and the parent not doing a thing, the kids being fed by the pastor from the emergency food store at the church? Just the whole thing. And eating dirt is one thing-stagnant water is gross and breeds disease. (Plus, the water is YELLOW. EWWWW!!!)
Or maybe it’s because I don’t have kids, so I tend to imagine that if I were a parent, I’d be overly protective.
Anyhoo, am I the only one with the theme song from “Dukes of Hazzard” running through my head as I view these photos?
Except for those of Bear_Nenno/Napples-how you doin’?
And DAMN, that little girl looks a little old to still be in diapers!
You could have send them the vegetarian MREs… or the meatloaf ones.
Both, to your last questions. I mean, either way… if you went with Bambi, well he said he already knows where it was, and it would have been interesting to take pictures of the relatives’ faces. If you went with Mrs. Napples… it’s always nice to introduce SOs to the family. And she would have taken your picture.
I still get the giggles thinking about Eve and Bambi being introduced as Mrs. Bear_Napples and Mr. Bear_Napples. Can y’all imagine Eve at this reception, wandering around peering down her lorgnette and saying, “Well, Really!”
Ha! And she could give fashion advice and stuff. You know, like the proper way to pull off a bra-less, pink shirt and no pants combo. I am picturing her drinking some Busch beer with the pinky up and eating some deep fried ribs with a knife and fork - plastic, of course.
“Deep fried pork ribs?” you ask. Of course! They had to fry something in there after the turkeys were done. No sense in letting all that hot peanut oil go to waste!
My arteries are clogging reading that. Did they deep fried the ice cream? That would have been good.
I just wanna know whether or not the mother of the bride was wearing anything under that pink t-shirt. I mean, I’m sure it was hot that day and all, but … what if she’d been knocked over by a drunked hillbilly chasin’ after his dawg 'cause the damn thing made 'im spill 'is beer?
I suggested that. Along with the deep fried snickers I’ve recently heard about. I think they pretty much would have fried anything in there. Except any fruit of course.