Because everyone knows Arabs don't surf

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So we just took a report of a suspicious vehicle on the highway. It went, so far as I can recall, as follows:

Caller: Yeah, this is an emergency!

Other dispatcher: Okay, what’s going on?

C: I’m on highway ** behind a dark green car, and the license plate says **** out of the state of **, and there’s surfboards strapped on top of the car, and the passengers look like they’re Middle Eastern!

(At this point I began snorting convulsively and was forced to disconnect and let the other operator take the rest of the info alone - it was on her phone anyway)

OD: Um, okayyy…

C: It just doesn’t look right!

OD: Okay, well, let me transfer you through to State, hang on…

She transferred the call and hung up. We looked at each other. Did that really just happen? We played back the tape.

Yep. It did.

I’m dumbfounded.

2

You laugh. but they may have been surf boards of mass destruction fresh from Iraq.

3

And I always though it was Charlie that don’t surf.

Maybe the caller had been in Australia, looking at fridge magnets.

4

There are seemingly a thousand things I could say. None of them seem adequate.

5

Oddly enough, I’m getting Sam the Sham flashbacks…

6

They were probably going sand surfing

7

<Terrorist surfing music>

Well, Eastern girls are hip
I really dig those styles they wear

And the West Bank girls with the way they talk,
they knock me out when I’m over there.

The oil-rich Saudi daughters
really make you feel alright.

And the Afghan girls with the way they kiss,
they keep their boyfriends warm at night.

I wish they all could be
al- Qaeda girls.
I wish they all could be
al- Qaeda girls.
I wish they all could be
al- Qaeda girls……
<Terrorist surfing music>

8

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Land Allah.

9

Never mind that they were Middle-Eastern. Where the heck does one surf in Missouri? (looking at the OP’s “Location”) I thought you needed something the size of an ocean (or the Gulf of Mexico) to get surfing-level waves.

10

Hey now, you get a herd of cattle wallowing in a farm pond, those creatures can stir up quite a few waves.

The license plate the caller gave us was from a state where surfing occurs with abandon. (Oh, what the hell. It was California.) My best guess is they were college students heading someplace warm. Or maybe terrorists transporting plastic explosive filled surfboards o’death to a key Missouri landmark.

*wanders away picturing Osama Bin Laden racing down the beach in his Bermuda shorts and zinc nose-ointment, surfboard held high over his head, ready to “hang-10”…

11

They must have gotten all cornfused about the FBI’s rumblings about terrorist SCUBA divers last May.

Silly bunts.

12

We have got to do something about our government…

13

Want us to take control again old bean?

Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves…

14

Any country that keeps Neighbours and Home and Away on the air isn’t fit to rule squat.

15

Just pray to God that you never have to sit through an episode of Emmerdale Farm

16

Yeah NZ used to have Emmerdale Farm on but I’ve never seen it in Australia. It’s bad, very bad. And dull. Very dull. Exceedingly dull.

Oh my. I missed that article in the Sunday Mail. I must read it more carefully. I was too busy trying to reconcile how Kylie can flash that much arse and still claim to be shy.

17

Oh yes, who put the KY in Kylie … ?

18

OMFG, I just actually READ the ‘Lets Look Out for Australia’ kit that includes our now infamous fridge-magnet, and it is soooo freakin’ funny I thought I might share a gem or three with ya.

Possible Signs of Terrorism
usual videotaping or photography of official buildings or other critical infrastructure"

Every day there are hundreds of tourists taking snaps and videos of our ‘official buildings’…how are we meant to figure out which ones are unusual?? Of course, all of the tourists are ‘foreign’ (otherwise they wouldn’t really be tourists would they) so how can I pick the really evil ones?

Suspicious vehicles near significant buildings or busy public places

Well, duh, if they are significant and/or busy, the chances are there will be heaps of vehicles around them. They also mention cars that are out of rego, or with dodgy plates, but that includes half of my friends. (G’day Dan, you mangy terrorist you!! :D)

Suspicious accomodation needs

Huh? What’s so suspicious about renting a garage when carparking in the inner burbs is at a premium? Should I report the punter who rolls up to rent a three bedroom house when he’s only got one kid?

A lifestyle that doesn’t add up

Well, that says a lot doesn’t it?? NOBODY I know has a ‘lifestyle’ that ‘adds up’ in the conventional sense.

And the last classic…

False or multiple identities

So that means that most kids under 18 are prolly terrorists because they have forged ID’s/fake concession cards and the like.

All I can do is groan in abject humiliation. Lord, deliver us from such morons as John Winston Howard will ya? :smiley:

19

Ok, now I got something.
Maybe they had been watching “Top Secret!” earlier?

:dubious:

20

Oh, and just by the way London_Calling, I think your version is better than the original. I’ll never be able to hear that song again without bunging in…“I wish they all could be al-Qaeda giiiiiiiiiiirls”. :smiley: