[OK, kiddoes, stop reading here and find something else to do.]
Anybody have any creative ideas for getting your SO more comfortable with bedroom fantasy, role play, etc., to spice things up a bit and bring back more interest into the conjugal bed?
Mrs. Pab finds it harder to get herself in the mood lately, what with the many distractions of rugrats, busy jobs, etc. Sooo, I wanted to get some ideas for getting her more excited about our grown-up rounds of funny tummies.
Any thoughts about moving a stable routine love life into this arena for exploration?
Well, Pabs, I don’t know the Mrs. in question. As with everyone, I suspect the answer is pretty subjective. But, I’ll make a couple of suggestions, anyway.
Romance. Usually works for me. Buy a few dozen roses when the little lady’s had a tough day, and offer her a nice warm water + rose petal bath.
If you find her in the amorous mood, make your suggestions then. Try (gently and in a non-pressuring way!) to introduce her to some new ideas. Something like “Hey, sweetie, I’ve got this nifty little nurse’s outfit…want to try it on?”
This has worked for me more times than you may think: try just having a frank and open discussion with her. “Hey what do you think about doing A, B, and C?”
Lots and lots of understanding, patience, and gentle persistence. If she says “Not today”, say OK, move on, and try again tomorrow.
There’s one of your problems right there. Maybe you’re limiting yourselves with the bed. Try fixing up a romantic dinner for the two of you alone at home, then make your move in the dining room and make love to her on the floor, with flickering light from dinner candles and delicious aromas filling the air.
It might sound weird, but start with the feet. After a hard day at work nothing feels better than a deep foot massage. Seriously. After massaging all the tension away she’ll be in a much better mood and because of the intimate contact (no one else touches her feet…) you two will be a little closer so that you can really share your ideas. In fact you can talk to her about role playing while giving the foot massage. Think about.
In the words of my hero Mikey… “Try it, you’ll lllliiiikkkkeee it!”
I have to go with the feet thing. Sex can be the last thing on my mind, but if my SO rubs my feet I relax…and that usually leads to thoughts about sex. I WOULD not buy an outfit and then see if you can get her into it. I would suggest that the next time you and she are out together without the rugrats you suggest going to an adult store. You may not think you can get her in one, as I was dragged into my first one kicking and screaming–and not in a good way–I really was curious to see what was in there and just needed to be prodded into it… Once there go to the “lite” stuff–oils, cute outfits, small toys. A good small relatively harmless toy is a feather…or you could even get a “clit stimulator” thing that you place around your shaft (no, it’s not too tight) but it has soft nubby things on a pad right about where her clit would rub…VERY NICE!
Maybe some “lite” porn. Candide Royale directs porn for women stuff that’s like a romance novel…But, as a woman, I have to say I kinda like Hustler’s Barely Legal videos. The girls are pretty and clean and the men are usually cute bad-boy types with some attractive ummmmm (hey a hummer!) members–and some of them are quite erotic as opposed to pornographic. But some women don’t like porn and never will–that’s ok, too!
But try the footrubs and a babysitter…I bet you’ll be pleased
Well it depends on the type of fantasy you want her to do but you could try some of these things…
You could write an erotic story about you two that has the fantasy in it and leave it for her.
If there is a movie that has elements of your fantasy you could rent them and when it comes up comment on how you think that is sexy.
If it is some sort of clothing fetish thing that some people wear (like say boots and short skirts) say how you wish she would wear something like that when a woman walks by wearing that in public. (IMPORTANT Say how it would be much sexier on her)
So what kind of fantasy/role playing are you trying to talk her into?
Something else you might is to buy her some nice new underwear and just put them in the drawer with the rest of her underpants. When she discovers them and then wears them, she’ll think of how romantic and you are all day long. Better be sure that they will fit and be reasonably comfortable to wear.
Have a chat, open and honest, about your fantasies and hers. Be honest. None of this is set in stone, but if it is anything out of your normal routine, discuss it with her and get permission. (I’m into some serious kink and role play, so this planning and discussion stage is vital for all new and a lot of old things in my life. If you’re just planning to spring some nice flowers and candlelight on her, you may be able to pare this step down to “Honey, I’d like to do a nice dinner Friday night if you could pencil me in.” anything that requires equipment, costuming, or a new personality requires some out of charactor frank discussion before hand. Days beforehand if possible.) Not to say that the talk is anti-romantic, these are sexual fantasies and just talking through them can get really fun.
Get the kids out of the house. I’m serious, if you have family friends, make a request for a sleep over. Somehow boot the munchkins.
I love the story writing idea. Love it. I’m going to make some broad hints to my SO about that one.
And don’t push it. Half the fun of being “wild” in any form is knowing that your partner is being uninhibited and happy too.
Make dates. (See the boot the children idea above) Get some time where the two of you can just be together. Fucking optional, but if she’s stressed that may not be what she needs. (Some women don’t find sex to be stress relief. Which means if she’s spazzing, you need to calm her down and let her relax before getting her into bed.)
Although I do not particpate in role playing games, I find that variety really is the spice of life.
My fiancee and I (we pretend to be married, is that considered roleplaying?) do not limit ourselves to any specific position, time, or place. Everywhere is perfect for making love.
But my usual answer to “boredom in the bedroom” is that maybe it is time to find a new bedroom!
Yes, sending the munchkins to oz or someplace further is a mandatory first step.
And I agree that the foot people are definitely on to something–my wife loves getting her feet rubbed while we’re unwinding in front of the tv or just getting into bed. That’s a tried and true practice for us.
I guess for fantasy, I was thinking more along the role-playing game, “It’s me, the plumber, I’ve come to check your pipes.” But not so brief and trite, more like an extended scenario or story-line:
“Ma’am, I didn’t realize your husband wasn’t going to be present for the free spine-alignment session. Shall we go on without him?” said the Chiropractor. . .
Or how about blindfolds–has anybody (male or female) tried those?
Or no orgasm allowed until you solve my “20 questions” riddle?
It’s too early for me to think clearly about all this at work. Still, I appreciate your thoughts. Keep 'em coming (so to speak)
I have tried blindfolds and even handcuffs. It can be interesting, albeit sometimes a little bit scary, too, though.
My women have also loved the foot massages, but actually, I learned to use the back massage as an entrance into the greater thrills a very long time ago.
It is simple, if you do a good job, you will not only make her feel good, but you will also relax her (helping her to drop any of her inhibitions), and you get her used to the feel of your skin on hers. Works everytime.
But you know good old fashioned romance (like you probably used to help get her in the first place), is a great tool to re-igniting the otherwise dying embers of passion that lie scattered around the battelfield of love and marriage.
Start off the day early. Send your wife flowers where she works. Pack her lunch for the day and leave a note or a card. Maybe a slightly racy story in that note. Get home ahead of her and make dinner. Light some candles. Tell her how much she attracts you. Spirit off the kids to a different location. Maybe try some champange.
All pretty old fashioned ideas. But your wife may appreciate it. Good luck.
I think uberDave’s been closest to hitting home here. You need to plant the idea in her head LONG before you show up with your tool…er, toolbelt. Whisper in her ear before you leave in the morning about all the things you want to do when you meet again. Call her and remind her around lunchtime. Reiterate how sexy she is and how you can’t wait to get your hands on her. Make her dinner and, for god’s sake, wash the dishes afterward! Nice gestures mean shit if she has to clean up after your ‘efforts’.
If you’re really wanting to introduce role playing into the bedroom, I’d go for some relevent adult videos–as has already been suggested. Instead of trying to push your fantasies on her, try to pay attention to what catches her eye and quickens her breath. Incorporate that. Chances are, if you devote yourself to discovering and fufilling some of her fantasies, she’d be more than happy to return the favor.
And also - sometimes I find if I just get an hour to myself, it helps me feel more relaxed (and therefore more receptive).
Something else that is fun too (make sure you have a lock on the bedroom door) - every so often my husband and I realize that our kids are occupied with the TV or the computer and we quietly sneak into the bedroom - it might be 4:00 in the afternoon, but it’s fun.
I like the lingerie idea - if you are into it - why not shop for some together?
