Best Batman lines

Well, since Batman inspired the LAST round of multi-threads (i.e., Batman vs…), it’s only fitting he should get a “best ____ lines” page too.

Some of the best came from Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns, love or hate that story:

On beating the crap out of Superman: “…I want you remember, Clark…in all the years to come…in your most private moments…I want you to remember my hand at your throat…I want you to remember the one man who beat you…”

On beating the crap out of a mutant gang leader: “You don’t get it boy…this isn’t a mudhole, it’s an operating table. And I’m the surgeon.” (Loud crack.) <Internal monologue>"Something tells me to stop with the leg. I don’t listen to it.</Internal monologue>

A fun one from JLA
Wonder Woman: What a strange question. Why should anyone know how long they can hold their breath?
Batman (appearing out of nowhere): Three minutes fifteen seconds. You’d be surprised why.

C’mon, people, let’s see some more.

Batman insulting his fellow JLA’ers:

“I can’t wear a brightly-colored costume that makes me a target… and I can’t afford to trust poorly-trained people who do.”

Batman finishing off Prometheus with the “Stephen Hawking reflex download”:

“I never hit a man with a motor-neuron disease before.”

Batman insulting Green Lantern:

“They’re called ‘eyes’, Kyle… use them.”

His encounters with Supes have always been fodder for good lines, two come to mind immediately:

You sold us out, Clark. You gave them the power that should have been ours. Just like your parents taught you to. My parents taught me a different lesson… lying on the street, shaking in deep shock, dying for no reason at all. They showed me that the world only makes sense when you force it to. (Dark Knight Returns)
If Clark wanted to, he could use his superspeed and squish me into the cement. But I know how he thinks. Even more than the kryptonite, he’s got one big weakness. Deep down, Clark’s essentially a good person…and deep down, I’m not. (From Batman – Hush)

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

From The Dark Knight Returns, where Batman is fighting with two criminals right at the beginning

Batman (internal): There are seven working defenses from this position.
Three of them disarm with minimal contact.
Three of them kill.
The other–
Bats nearly puts his foot through the guys abdomen

Later, as the cops arrive.

Officer: You’ve crippled that boy!
Bats (holding the other criminal by the collar): He’s young, he’ll walk again…
turns to criminal he’s holding puts, and puts his face about an inch away from the criminal who is a gibbering mess
…but you’ll stay scared, wont’cha punk.

Not much of a comic book fan, are you?

To the batpoles!

“Is this codpiece too flamboyant?”

“I’m not trapped in here with you…you’re all trapped in here with me.”

Robin: “Where’d you get a live fish, Batman?”
Batman: “The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin.”
“It was tough work dragging two hundred and twenty pounds of sociopath to the top of Gotham Towers – the highest spot in the city.
The scream alone is worth it.”

“Save me, Robin! Save me! I don’t want to die!”

“Is the chicken soup fresh?”

I’m Batman.

Robin: Holy cucumber batman, are we in a pickle!

Robin: Holy rusted metal, batman!
Bats: What?!
R: The floor. It’s metal… and it’s rusty… and it’s got…holes in it!!

“Tonight, the Joker dies by my hand.”

Too bad he didn’t actually go through with it. ::Chicken clucking noises::

from ‘Kingdom Come’, to Superman:

“For a man who can hear clouds scrape together, you don’t listen very well!”

from ‘Kingdom Come’, to Supes and Diana:

“That’s all we need… to bring another spit-curled demigod into the world.”

from JLA:

Green Lantern:  "How did you know that?"
Batman:            "Same as always... I know everything."

Does anybody else see a strong resemblance between Batman lines and Clint Eastwood lines? I’d love to see Batman tell some punk: “Dyin’ ain’t much of a living, boy!” :slight_smile:

This is from memory, but it goes something like this:

Batman is leading a team from the JL and they are facing a situation in whatever flight craft they’re using that month.

Batman: Well, what do you think?
Black Canary: You want to know what we think?
Batman: I want you to feel included in the decision making process.
BC: Oh, in that case, I think we should. . .
Batman: Wait, I said I want you to feel included, I didn’t say I wanted you actually involved in it.

I use this example all the time for TQM (Total Quality Management) leaders (formerly known as Director or other title that sets them above the group) who don’t buy into the democratic nature of TQM.

In brief: Tell me what you think and I’ll tell you how it is.

Going by memory too:

I think it’s in the first series of the “new” JLA, you know when the White Martians plot to take over earth.

Basically, 4 martians are hunting Batman…mocking him for his lack of super powers, telling them that the smell him, they can hear his heart beating… etc.

Then one screams, “Are you ready for the pain? Are You, are you…!”

They walk in a puddle of liquid. One of them goes, “What’s that smell…I know that smell…”

Batman appears in shadow with a lighter and tosses it into the puddle, which happens to be gasoline…the martians burst into flames.

Screaming as their powers fade…Batman steps into the light, cracks his knuckles and with that sick smile of his goes, ** " Ready when you are…"**

For those who don’t know, Martians have Superman strength, but lose their powers when exposed to open flames.

Later the martian leader asks why’s it so hard to kill one man, a trapped Superman remarks, " He’s the most dangerous man alive."

Do you get the feeling that Batman can really hold his breath a lot longer than that?

That Batman, he don’t give nothing away.