S-M-R-T!!!
“mmm… something”
“mmm… free goo”
But marge! Someone might actually call me “Sir” without adding “your making a scene!”
(House cleaning episode)
H: "Doohhhhhh…? D’oh!
I think I brained my damage
“I would like to help you Lisa, but I need to finish what I’m doing…”
(puts on glasses and begins staring straight ahead)
Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
In the New Age store:
Lisa: I just wish you’d be a little more open minded about other cultures.
Homer: Other cultures are fine. All I’m saying is I can handle life just fine without a [picks up a product] tooth…brush!
A gun is a tool, like a hammer, or an… alligator.
"What are you gonna do? Sic the dogs on me? Or bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouth so that, when they bark, they shoot bees at me?
“Internet… eeehhh…?”
M: Homer, just because someone asks you to join a freak show, it doesn’t mean you have to do it!
H: Y’know Marge, in some ways you and I are very different people.
(I use that about once a week.)
White gold! Texas T! (pause) Sweetner!
(Somehow, it’s the length of the pause that gets me.)
–Cliffy
(At the softball game): I wish I was at home with a big bag of potato chips. Mmmmm, potato chips…
(Was this the first “Mmmmmm, _____”?)
Homer: There’s the right way, the wrong way, and the Homer Simpson way.
Bart: Isn’t that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yes, but faster.
(Upon discovering a family of opossums living in the monorail control panel): I call the big one “Bitey.”
(In the Internet episode, where he kept his pens and pencils stuck in a stick of butter): Mmmmm, delicious memo…
Homer: We need Batman!
Marge: What we need is a scientist.
Homer: Batman’s a scientist.
“Oh Money, your money is all that moneys…”
I had forgotten that one Big Bad Voodoo Lou. I used to use “Batman’s a scientist” daily.
“Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”
“Help, Marge help! The clown’s trying to kill me and the toaster’s been laughing at me!”
Grimes: You…YOU were in outer space??
Homer: Sure! You’ve never been?
Homer: Now, what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Food vendor guy: Mountain Dew, or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Yechh! I’ll take a crab juice!
“TELEVISION!! Teacher, mother…seeeeecret looverrrr…”
H: Oh, but Marge, you know every time I learn something new something old gets pushed out!! Remember the time you gave me that home wine-making kit? I forgot how to drive for a week!
M: Homer, you were drunk!!
H: Aaaand how!
Sun… goes… up…
Sun… goes… down…
Sun goes up
Sun goes down
SUN GOES UP
SUN GOES DOWN
SUN GOES U- :EEEEK!:
“Why I laugh?”
Brain:Now look sad and say doh
doh
FBI man: When I nod and tap your foot you say “hello”
Homer: ok
FBI man: “hello mr thompson” <nod, tap>
<pause>
Homer (turns to other FBI man): I think he’s talking to you.
But IMO the absolute funniest thing about homer is when he is not saying anything at all, when he is just staring, slightly split-eyed, completely devoid of any expression whatsoever. That look is classic.