Bogus Reasons to Contact the Ex

  1. You’ll probably be contacted by the Public Health Service soon.
  1. I think I left my Russian hat at your house behind the cushion of a couch. Can I come pick it up?
  1. I want a tattoo that looks like you - can I bring my tattoo guy over?

I get that you’re doing this to be lighthearted through your pain, but you’re at 30 days now. May I gently suggest that continuing to focus on someone who has moved on, even in this joking manner, is only going to keep her on your mind?

Wounds don’t heal (or heal much slower) if you keep picking at them, right? Maybe make a list of all the reasons it’s better that you’re not together anymore and then try to find something else to focus on when thoughts of her do come up.

Feel better.

Depending on the specifics of the wound, sometimes periodic debridement is called for to facilitate healing.

Cite.

No kidding. Thank you so much for that helpful link.

Ignore me, OP. Continue your list to keep your focus on a woman who’s gone.

  1. This troll came into a message board thread I started, and she reminded me of you.

Send this cite as number 55.

  1. Fuck you!!
  1. It’s cicada season!
  1. I was wanting the shit kicked out of me, and I was wondering if FNG would accommodate me?
  2. I didn’t quite get the “Fuck off” part. Could you rephrase it?
  3. Can you tell me why you dumped me for a new guy, and don’t want any contact with me?
  4. I feel like being kicked to the curb again. Any suggestions?

Why do you think it’s the new guy’s idea that you not contact her? Let me guess…he’s controlling her, and if you could only talk to her, you could help her see the errors of her way, and come crawling back to you. You would, of course, magnanimously take her back.

  1. I just saw you on TV
  2. I found the CD - shall I drop by?
  1. Can I have my nuts back?
  1. I just got a job delivering pizzas - I’ll bring you a free one!
  1. I’m going into the Witness Protection Program, and they’re sending me to you.
  2. You’re in terrible danger. The Joker has discovered I’m…Batman, and is coming to get you. Don’t panic! I’ll be right there.
  3. Wanna buy some secondhand Girl Scout cookies?

Real ones :

  1. Why didn’t you call for my birthday?
    70)Why didn’t you call for Valentine’s day?
    71)Just wanted to say that I hate you
    72)I’m not sure I should keep studying for this degree, and am calling all my friends (including you) for advice.
  2. I told you not to contact me, and you didn’t in four months. How could you do that after all this time we spent together?

Imaginary :

74)What should I do with all the naughty pictures and videos of you I still have?