Should i contact my ex after 7 months apart?

Its been 7 months since the last time we spoke.We were on and off for few years because the distance was a huge factor since neither of us was ready to move. We live 4 hours apart and it was too much not being able to see each other whenever we wanted.

He ended up meeting someone new and he said he liked her allot.I felt jealous and hurt but I understood that he needs someone closer to him .I decided to cut off contact so I can move on.However,I haven’t really dated anyone since.I had a crush on someone at work and I thought we had a potential but then I found out he has a live in girlfriend. Now I lost hope and I know nothing will come out it.

My ex has been on my mind lately and I am contemplating texting him just to see how he is.I am not looking to get back together since the root cause of the breakup, distance, hasn’t been resolved .I am not sure if its good idea because it might bring back the old feelings and I was jealous when he told me he met someone new.Now I have came to accept it but I am not sure if I would jealous if they still together and going strong.I would like him to come visit me if he is single. Now that I think about it more, i realized the reasons why I want to contact him which are
-I genuinely want to know how he is doing since I care about him as a person
-I miss talking to him
-I am lonely and I need some loving
-I would still contact him even if I was happily dating someone else just to see how he is
-The reason why I want him to visit me is I could use some male loving. Its been a while
-I miss him as person
-He told me that he met someone new 7 months ago but I don’t know if they worked out or not
-I am curious to see if they are still together

I am just not sure if I should just let the urge pass?What could go wrong if I contact him?

Most people will say no, move on. But I say try it once. He may no longer be with that girl. If silence, or negative response, then let it be.

You could go through all the same feelings of pain and loss you did when the relationship ended initially. But hey, life’s a gamble.

There is a book called “It’s Called a Break-Up Because it’s Broken”, and I can’t recommend it highly enough.

Don’t waste your time on someone that you already know it doesn’t work out well with. THere is someone outh there that you’ll get along swimmingly with, and you are never going to find him by messing around with your ex.

I dated a guy several years ago for about 7 months. We thought we might be on the verge of having something, but it never really got off the ground. Distance wasn’t a factor so much as traveling for work was. We both traveled a lot and never seemed to be around at the same time. Although the relationship didn’t work the friendship did. About six months after we stopped seeing each other, I heard something on the news that I knew he would have a strong opinion on. So I emailed him and said ‘hey did you see _____?’, half expecting not to get a response. He emailed right back, happy to hear from me, and now we correspond irregularly, but occasionally, and it’s good for both of us.

Not sure this would work for you if you still have feelings, but did want to weigh in that it is possible to maintain casual contact with an ex and have it work out well.

Let the urge pass. Move on.

IMO you’re setting yourself up for some more heartbreak. Possibly a lot more. I would pass on it.

I hate getting all “Rules” on you, but if he wasn’t seeing anyone and he missed you like you miss him, he would have contacted you already.

You’ve said the root cause of the breakup is still there (distance). Why put yourself through all that again?

If you feel the need to ask, then that’s basically you telling yourself that the answer is “no”.

I changed my phone number afterwards for unrelated reasons so he doesn’t have my new number.He also deleted his face book long time ago when we were still involved

If the reasons you broke up are still as valid now as they were then, there is absolutely no good reason to go through the same process again. That would be terminally stupid.

OTOH, If some or all of those things have actually changed, then it *might *make some sense to contact him, inventory the differences together and see if it makes sense to try again. Might. But only if either or both of you haven’t poisoned your well too badly during the break-up.

All your stated reasons for calling really just amount to “I’m lonely/horny.” You can fix that with any one of about 150 million men just in the USA. If you’re picky enough to want only 1 in 10,000 that still leaves about 15,000 perfect matches out there waiting to be discovered. Start looking.

Don’t do it.

What could go wrong?
Everything that has gone wrong with a bonus of more wrong.

What can go right?
I don’t know you or him so I have no idea.

If you are going into this for sex and the hopes that he is your relationship-savior (which this sounds like to me) I think this might not be the best idea.

But you only live once and it is not up to me do determine what is best for you.

Move on, and borrow the book that even sven recommended from your local library ASAP. I just put a hold on it through mine.

Knock yourself out, toots. :slight_smile: Fuck the haters.

If you were a guy I’d suggest you jerking off beforehand and see if you still feel the same way.

So, whatever the woman version of that is.

Didn’t y’all have any mutual friends at all, that you still talked too, that could fill you in, without you sticking your neck out? I personally wouldn’t bother getting in contact with him. He left you by telling you he had found somebody and that he was happy, so, he told you what he wanted you to hear, so it would seem like meddling to me.

If something changed on his end, and if he still felt something for you, I’d think he be the one trying to contact you. Even if you changed phone numbers, surely your e-mail is the same and he had that? Did your work number change too? Not a single mutual acquaintance that exists between you and him in a relationship that you said lasted for years?

Personally, some of my best relationships, and one of my best relationship was just about three hours drive away and that lasted for quite a few years. We were never apart for more than a couple of weeks. But it gave me a chance to concentrate on my biz, and other things that needed my attention. I looked forward to seeing her more each time, and she did me. In this day and age, when you have all of the latest technology tools at your disposal as well, with cell phones, text, Skype, e-mail, when you were still away from them, you can easily get in touch, so just how much of it was actually a distance problem? You said you were on and off for years, so perhaps you realize it was more than just the distance?

Get yourself on-line on one of these free dating sites where there are lots of singles in your area. Women are often inundated with a ton of inquiries.

What would be the point? Listen, you can’t find someone who IS near you, if you are spending all your energy pursuing a dead end.

No we had no mutual friends since we were 4 hours apart.whenever we part ways and get back in touch again,he would message me on Face book.Now he permanently deleted his Face Book a while back and he hasn’t made a new account

I see. Well, it looks like he has made quite an effort to cut all ties. The first year kind of sucks, but from the second year onward, I’m convinced you’re going to be just fine; nor would I even wait that long. Seriously ,try some of those free dating sites. Plenty of fish seems popular and is free. It’s a very efficient and effective way to meet somebody. Many women get so much attention, they can’t keep up, and have to take a break from the site. I’m sure there are many other free sites that are at least as good if not better.