Bogus Reasons to Contact the Ex

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Due to my own stupidity and gutlessness, I have found myself dumped. Yes, it sucks and the fact I set myself up for it does little to lessen the pain.

She asked me not to text or call. I guess the FNG got jealous as he doesn’t believe that former lovers can be friends. I live a good 800 miles away. It’s not like I could just drop by if he was unavailable.

Still, see line 1 about putting myself in this situation. Blast it.

Anyway, the huge empty hole in my life is tough to deal with and I have been searching for excuses to call or contact her anyway. Thought I would share reasons so far (I am just at the 30-day mark) and see which ones folks might suggest or add as the best bogus reasons to contact her:

  1. I screwed up, I am sorry, all my fault, give me another chance.
  2. I didn’t tell you how much you mean to me.
  3. She hasn’t called because she lost my cell number,
  4. … home number,
  5. … home address,
  6. … email.
  7. I sent 10 dozen roses to your house, did you get them?
  8. I just wanted to share this picture of these penguins
  9. … owl
  10. … flamingo
  11. … squirrel
  12. She needs me to save her from the bad decision of choosing the FNG.
  13. I just happened to be in the area thought I’d drop by.
  14. I bought a Cake Pop maker for my niece but she already has one. Do you think your granddaughters would like it? I’ll bring it by.
  15. Do you still need help hanging the TV in your bedroom? I can drive over and do that for you.
  16. I am thinking of looking for a job near you, can I stay at your place while I search?
  17. I’m thinking of publishing our texts, they were pretty racy and could be the next 50 Shades of Grey. Should I list you as co-author and split royalties?
  18. I sent you a sushi chef and mariachi band. Enjoy!
  19. Did you attend your friend’s wedding? How was it?
  20. How’s your friend who was sick?
  21. How’s your cat?
  22. I baked cookies today!
  23. What are you going to do with our, er, toys?
  24. Thinking of buying a business, what do you think?
  25. Can I get your professional opinion on my business idea?
  26. Would you be interested in coming to work for me?
  27. What do you use in your trainings?
  28. I’m out walking the dog and I’m bored.
  29. Did you know there was a University of Alabama car in the race today? [Alabama is her alma mater]
  30. Are you going to present at the next conference? I am getting an exhibitor booth there!

Help me out Dopers! Suggestions? What are your favorite bogus reasons to call the ex?

Figured should add, I am not going to call her. I gave her my word that I would not and I intend to honor that. I can wish her Happy Summer Solstice in another month, though, can’t I? That’s an okay reason, isn’t it?

2
  1. I’ve just noticed this rash…
  2. I’m getting another dog. What’s the FNG’s name again?
3
  1. I found a gift I’d gotten you and I’d like to send it.
  2. Did I leave my umbrella in your car?
  3. I just wanted to say that I’m over you and I won’t contact you.
4
  1. I’m holding my hand over this candle flame until you respond (a.k.a. the “Lust for Life” gambit)
5

This is my personal favorite. Followed up with a second text reminding her that you have, and will continue to, not contact her. :smiley:

6

What is “FNG”?

7

Um. “Fuckin’ new guy”?

8
  1. Do you remember how many times we screwed? I need that info for my new match.com questionaire.
9

You made a choice.
Deal with it.
Scratch your list. She is gone.
Deal with it.
Get on with your life.

Sorry to be so harsh. Life sucks sometimes.

10

Yeah, but sometimes it can be fun - like when you come up with bogus reasons to contact the ex when you have no intention of contacting the ex.

11

@Cabin Fever I know that and understand it at a logical level. That doesn’t make the emotions easier to handle or faster to go away. Coming up with bogus reasons to call (the more illogical, whiny, desperate sounding the better) helps.

Or what FairyChatMom said.

Today’s reasons:
38. My dog died. (a couple of weeks ago, forgot it for the first list)
39. This is the first anniversary of my dad’s passing. I really could use someone to talk to.
40. My blood sugar is been back under control since I haven’t been traveling so much. Isn’t that great?

Summer Solstice is June 21. Only need about 45 more reasons not to call. Thanks for all the suggestions!

12
  1. I started a diet and have a dozen boxes of Thin Mints that need a home.
  2. My freezer broke and I need to store a body before it starts thawing.
13
  1. Have you seen my red stapler?
  2. I wanted to send you a picture of me at 4 in my Halloween costume - I was so cute!!
14
  1. My girlfriend wants to thank you for breaking up with me.
15
  1. I just moved and you’ll need my new address for the restraining order.
16

nm

17
  1. I’m pregnant.
18
  1. I just want to see how you are doing. I forgot to ask.
19
  1. I see you need a new doormat. Here I am.

It sounds like you got replaced, not dumped. Move on for the sake of your well being.

20
  1. When are you going to pay back the $100,000 I loaned you?
    (ok so it was only $1000, but when she texts back to correct you, you will have your proof)