Boner-killers in amateur porn

Cafe Society
#1

Amateur porn has a certain appeal to it. The people tend to be more realistic looking, the photos gritty and candid, the scenes a little more immersive. A lot of people say the stereotypical types of conventional porn turn them off, and I agree. But amateur stuff has its own pitfalls too. Some boner killers:

-Photos where a baby/kid is in the background or slightly cropped out :eek: Hello CPS!

-The room in the background is a dump. This happens in nonporn photos on the internet, which is embarrasing enough, but its hard for me to enjoy eyecandy when she is standing in the crater of debris that is 3 years of accumulated junk.

-Videos where something distracting is on tv/stereo. This ranges from some episode of the O’Reilly factor playing in the background while some lady is pegging her old man, to the theme song of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles looping endlessly during a threesome.

#2

Bah. I like my porn well produced and professional. With pretty actors, good lighting, in-focus images, and a steady camera. Sure, it’s fake. So is Star Trek. But I still enjoy it!

#3

-If there is a guy involved, hearing him say much of anything, even if just a slight grunt, kills it for me.

-Also, if a guy is doing down on a woman. I hate seeing another guy’s face where I’m trying to focus my attention.

Am I even allowed to post in this thread? So far the only people posting, the whole two of you, joined in April 2002. I’m a little late to that party.

#4

Google “oh sweet, Futurama’s on” for a funny example of this. (no nudity, but still NSFW)

#5

Hey, it’s not like she’s going anywhere. >_>

#6

You can do a Google search for a tumblr called “indifferent cats in amateur porn” that is pretty funny and along a similar vein.

#7

Any amateur porn where it’s really obvious it was all his idea and she’s only doing it for him.

#8

See i am just the opposite here I think the armature stuff flaws and all is 1000 times hotter than “real porn” because it is real. Discounting the fake armature which you can tell is really produced porn.

#9

I can not express how relieved I am that ‘armature’ porn is not actually a thing.

#10

Kinda hard to type with your left hand.

#11

This. Unless the woman’s scowl is so epic that it actually adds to the situation.

Also facials where the response is similar to what you’d expect from someone splashed with battery acid.:smiley:

#12

In my experience, as far as porn is concerned “amateur” refers to the photographer, not the subjects.

#13

When the guy is holding the camera while trying to bone his girlfriend, and the camera strap or lens cap is dangling into the frame.

#14

Heh, really. It’s a fantasy, after all.

#15

I don’t mind if the guy talks in response to the action being performed on him, that is natural. What I cannot tolerate is when they simply narrate along or ask inane, fake, “get to know you” questions.It’s porn people, not your graduate film in reality telly.

#16

I have done extensive research and have never seen this, ever.

I actually find this strangely fascinating, especially when there is something that really dates the photo/video like a obsolete video game console or a Creed poster.

#17

Every time I see a brown/beige/yellow/orange plaid sofa from the 70’s, I just know there was a porn film made on it!

[del]Boner[/del] bonus points for the fake wood panels in the background. Finally having fun in mom and dad’s basement den.

#18

Yeah, I guess it may not qualify as “amateur,” but I’m weary of videos that start off with a 10-minute interview with the (fully clothed, nervous- or bored-looking) female performer sitting on a couch I wouldn’t get near without a HazMat suit, trying to force a smile while fielding brainless questions from the Eurotrash creep holding the camcorder. Zo, you like to zuck deek?

More on topic: “hmm, this isn’t too ba… WHOA! Nice hemorrhoids!” <wilt>

#19

Links, people, links!

#20

I remember some years back watching a video and thinking

“This is really…oh wait. No. Ewww. <click/close>”

Massive toilet paper and shit dingleberry the size of a marble. How no one caught that I have no idea.