I’m a straight male and you’re a straight woman, but, oddly enough, I agree with this part.
Not *this *part, though.
#2
No fun aloud allowed! Sex is serious business!
Something tells me you’re doing it wrong.
That’s the one I was thinking of. Having sex, getting oral sex, great, go ahead and moan…got a dick in your mouth or between your boobs…stop moaning, the moaning sounds fake enough to begin with, it’s worse when you’re doing it at times when you shouldn’t be. mmm gagmmmggaagmmmgag. ( Oh, toss gagging in there too. Yeah, because when I’m having sex with someone, I want her to be on the very edge of puking on me. ) I saw something recently where they where changing positions and the girl kept on with the rhythmic moaning during the 10 or 15 seconds it took them to rearrange themselves.
Also, and I’m sure this is personal, slapping. Not in a ‘degrading to women’ way, I just can’t imagine getting your boobs (or anywhere else) slapped is enjoyable to most women (some sure, but not as many as I see). It’s even worse when the scene starts and the girls boobs (ass/ pubic area) is still red from the last thing she did.
Lastly, and this’ll make me find something else because it looks trailer trashy to me. Razor burn. If she pulls off her underwear and she’s full of little red dots or a (I don’t know a better way to say this) 5 O’Clock shadow…off we go. I don’t know if that means she just got the call an hour ago to come down to the studio or she’s just not good and shaving or what, but sometimes it’s pretty ugly.
See, a lot of these posts point out my problem with pornography: I like sex, but I don’t like people. Most people are selfish, uncharismatic, small-minded: getting sexual on camera can’t distract from these, only emphasises them. Takes me right out of the porn.
On the other side of the scale are the performers who rise above this: in my esteem Nina Hartley and Persia Monir. Both women in my age demographic, both trained nurses, BTW; and each entirely pleasant, comfortable and sex-positive. Then my problem is that I like them as people too much, and see them not as my fantasy girlfriends but as my fantasy sisters; and again I’m taken right out of the porn.
It’s like “Are you just playing a loop of a woman moaning? Or is this woman really that fucking stupid?” Why is no one in the room going “Ok, knock that shit off already”.
QFT.
That sounds like the porn version of the Madonna Whore Complex.
Shots of the guys hairy (or not hairy) ass going back and forth, regardless of whether the camera is 6 feet away or 6 inches. I want to see the girl, not the guy’s ass!!
Proper lighting. Then I know it’s not amateur. 
Of course, too dark lighting. If you can’t see it, don’t upload it!
I don’t mind hearing the couples talk, however, though it’s mentioned elsewhere that most don’t like hearing the guy in porn.
Tell me if I’m looking at a bunch of Eastern Europeans before I click on the video, OK? I prefer to watch porn in my own language, to be honest.
Hey, you saw the video - I was in no position to reach for the remote. Sorry about that.
I’m fine if the guy can keep up an interesting, amusing patter in the style of Ron Jeremy during his heyday. Unfortunately, it’s a rare porn actor who can do that. What I really hate is hearing the guy going, “Uh… uh… uh… uh…” while he’s getting his dick sucked. Do any guys actually do that?
OTOH, I like my Eastern European/Russian/Ukrainian porn. The girls are gorgeous (usually) and real, not slathered in makeup and injected with silicone.
Funny that phallus shows up in a thread about boners. The only other thing I know about you is you are curious about other peoples pickles. 
I’m sensing a theme here…
In this context - husband or boyfriend. In many cases it can mean “father” though. I’m sure porn exists for both.
I think a lot of porn would be improved with the TMNT theme song as music.
I can’t remember the Doper who dubbed it the “Porno Ringtone”. It annoys me so much. mmmmmYeah in a whiny, nasal voice. But that’s the primary distinction between “pro” and amateur. The “pros” have learned all the boring crap. Apparently it is caused by hair bleach and silicone implants - they learn the noise when they get the bolt-ons.
Give me amateurs any day.
Oh, and the OP mentioned evidence of kids. In one of the “Deb’s Deep Throat” clips (one of the most astonishing deep throat artists of all time), Deb was taking her husband all the way in. Halfway through the scene, you hear her teenage daughter knocking on her parent’s bedroom door asking mom a question. Mom replies that she is busy, and that daughter can just hold her horses.
I doubt daughter imagined that mom was making a clip for her porn site.
that was kinda hot actually 
lucky little pussy!
One that grates on my nerves, not just in amateur porn but the professional stuff as well, are people gratuitously swearing for no reason other than they’re in an X-rated film so they can say “Fuck” as often as they like.
Obviously it’s a versatile word which absolutely belongs in porn films, but there’s a difference between using it in a contextually appropriate way and trying to break the world record for most uses of the word “Fuck” in a film regardless of whether the sentence being spoken will benefit from an additional utterance of “Fuck” or not.
Another one is attempts at a “plot.” Whilst I appreciate the pretence in some professional porn films, the entire point of amateur porn (at least IMHO) is to watch “real people” doing hot naked consensting adult stuff with each other in a “real” setting. We don’t need to pretend there’s a faulty appliance which needs fixing or delivered prandials for which insufficient currency is available and alternative, service-based forms of payment are offered as an alternative means of completing the transaction.
Oh, and definitely agreed on participants who aren’t into it. Either everybody’s having a good time or nobody is, and if nobody is, then I don’t want to watch it.
I dislike plots as well, and what i really hate is when they try to “act” surprised by a situation, when it is SO painfully scripted, and the cameraman is RIGHT THERE filming, why else would someone with a camera be there filming unless this was a preplanned porn scene???
And fake boobs. Can’t stand fake boobs.
I’m all for amateur porn, since it features women I am interested in having sex with (fake boobs, fake hair, fake tans etc. turn me off, big time). But recently, I’m seeing more and more of amateur stuff with really lousy camera work, like stuff recorded with a cell phone. I don’t need great cinematography, but I need to see tits, asses, pussies, bellies and pelvises in sharp detail.
To me, this is one of the most revolting and unerotic trends in porn. I guess I understand why it’s popular— a combination of “OMG you’re so big it’s making me gag!” and general degradation of women— but when I hear the “GLAGLAGLAGLAG” and the chick’s eyes tear up and she retches and horks out a throatful of stringy mucus, I couldn’t be less turned on. If a woman ever tried to “treat” me to that particular service, I’d plead with her not to.
Yes, I know I’m big enough to make you gag. So’s your pinky, so let’s be real here.
“Squirters” that scream bloody murder while they’re having their orgasm. I like when a woman squirts when she cums, but why do you think I want to hear you yelling and screeching like you’re having a limb sawed off? Just shut the fuck up. You just killed my boner.