My girlfriend is currently experiencing her annual anniversary of her brother’s death. This is a time of year that I am fairly clueless how to help her, other than to be there to listen. I was wondering if any dopers may know of some reading material that may help me understand her situation better and to help me react better to her sadness. I find it more challenging to deal with each year, so any advice is welcome.
My mother, who struggled with the loss of her son/my brother, thought very highly ofThe Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. (Don’t let the initial short description mislead you - it might make you think the topic is strictly about marriage).
I don’t think I can help. My son lost his best friend at about age 30, five years ago. Coincidentally, today is that anniversary. He has suffered from depression since it happened and still has bouts with it. He’s back on anti-depressants, but no amount of understanding or talking does much good when he’s feeling the pain. All you can do is sympathize and be a sounding wall, if needed.
My favorite book on grief after my first husband died was Seven Choices: Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World, by Elizabeth Harper Neeld. I do not know if it would be helpful for you, as a bystander/loved one, but it might help your girlfriend if she wants help.
This is kind of an old one but I still remember it as helping: