Even after all this time to think about it, I can’t think of a territory that I might want. Anyone have any suggestions?
Would you like Guam?
I hear Guam’s pretty nice.
Dear My Lord Emperor McNally,
Have you given any thought to expanding your rule beyond this single paltry planet?
I respectfully request permission to administer, under your authority, a program of extra-terrestrial conquest and occupation. I will not rest until every inhabitable world within the reach of our technology hails the Lord Emperor McNally as its unquestioned master!
References available upon request.
Thank you for your consideration,
Vlad Dracul
Dude, we can’t even make it to stinking MARS. And it’s uninhabitable.
Your ill-conceived plan is diverting necessary funds away from my Southern-California-wide super wet-Catholic-schoolgirl-outfit contest.
dispatches minions with stakes to “talk to” Dracul
Vlad Dracul, when I am complete in my rule, I will allocate you the necessary funds. Although aliens may not exist, I will rule them. All the galaxy will learn to quiver with fear at the mention of the name [BRand Mcnally**.
Happy Scrappy Hero Pup, the reason we have not made it to Mars is becuase the current governments of the world have not wanted it enough. To help appease your apprehensions, imagine a super wet-Catholic-schoolgirl-outfit contest in zero gravity.
So it is written, so it will be done.
I thought this was the greatest idea ever had, until I saw this:
Now there is no question who our despotic overlord should be. My undying loyalty is hereby pledged.
Guam’s cool, though there’s really not too much there. Perhaps we could throw in Bermuda or Aruba as well? Just for a little variety. I could handle it, I swear.
Searching For Truth instead of Guam, you will be in charge of Bermuda and Aruba. But, if you fail me, you will no longer exist.
My underlings, which area should we pillage first? Even though I have final say, I still want to know your opinions, my vote is for Nevada.
My Lord Emperor McNally,
Thank you for your trust and encouragement!
Preliminary plans for bringing the cosmos under your dominion are being drafted as we speak!
Happy Scrappy Hero Pup,
Plans for an orbital facility for the super-wet-Catholic-schoolgirl-contest in free-fall (the correct term) are also being drafted as we speak.
PS. If you want, you can pick up what’s left of your minions… on Mars! 
Dammit! Lousy minions. One job. I give them ONE JOB!
Somebody have the print shop make up some new minion-recruiting posters. Make sure that the Ministry of Rambunction logo is prominently displayed thereon.
Dracul, did you at least have the decency to not incinerate the preliminary blueprints for the pneumatic bikini-cannon Jello-trapeze rig? My boys down in R & D will be pissed if they’re gone.
Who’s in charge of the pacification of Kansas? I put in an order for a thousand healthy blonde cornfed honeys about three days ago, and haven’t heard a thing.
Searching For Truth, can I borrow Guam for the baby-oil volleyball tournament?
Happy Scrappy Hero Pup, you are more than welcome to. If you prefer a warm Caribbean island, you’re also invited to try Bermuda and Aruba.
Thank you, great Rand, for this honorable position.
As Napoleon once said, “A man will fight harder for his interests than his rights.” I figure, if I pacify my underlings, they will not cause any trouble, and ignore all my gross abuses of power. Oh crap, did I say that out loud?
Because I do not wish to seem like an unfair despot, I will allow the women to have a party. One one condition, Brad Pit and Justin Timberlake will be purged. GOD how I hate them…sorry.
Maybe such parties will distract all who wish me ill and make them realize that my reign is best for all.