Gorgon Heap! Another Rifts player here - and I thought I was the only one! 
Er, Mr. McNally, sir. I respectfully request dominion over the communications industries across the globe. I promise a ban on reality TV, season-long talent contests, and Britney Spears music. Britney Spears videos, however, are still okay with the audio track removed. Tell you what, I’ll splice in a daily “bow to the supreme overlord” section on every channel for twenty minutes every day.
Can I have Canada instead? It would be simpler since I wouldn’t have to move, and I would take care of the French-Canadians for you.
They get to keep speaking French in exchange for an annual tribute of 50 supple pleasure boys to stock my Maple Leaf Seraglio of Delight.
:Yawns extravagantly: Oh? Another request to bow down before our new ruler? We had a newbie who tried that about a year ago. It was good for some laughs, especially from the Rebel Doper Alliance. Last I saw of the newbie, he was about a mile away, tail between his legs, picking up speed and distance. Meanwhile, most of the Rebel Doper Alliance was too busy having a good time to notice.
Look guys, we’ve got someone new to play with! It’s been a while since the RDA got to have a live fire practice, and, of course, I’ve still got some connections in various countries. Besides, every Evil despot needs a Good opponent.
Dopers, to me!
CJ
:sings:The Klingons simply looked at us
And turned and ran away!
In exchange for the simple office of “Minister of Rambunction,” with duties involving the continued presence of all-girl foam parties, naked watermelon races, and other such benevolent tomfoolery, I offer you, Lord McNally, this guide. Perhaps it will help you succeed where others of lesser magnificence, lower intellect, and poorer hygeine have failed.
http://www.planetadnd.com/humor/misc_humor/evil_overlord.php
Siege I agree with you completly. Every evil despot needs a good opponent. But the problem is, there is no good opponent in the face of my rule. My rule will be absolute. The Rebel Doper Alliance will fall under my crushing oppression.
Favorite One:140. I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there, then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there’s no point in entering.
If Nurse Carmen gets to be Minister of Purges can I be Minister of Prison Camps? We will need a place to put all the counter revolutionaries, airport moonies, fools who get drunk and climb onto the roof of their house and start singing “You Light up My Life” at 3 AM, and other annoying people. I’m good at designing stuff so I guess I’ll just start working on the perfect prison camp right now and submit the plans to you later.
KRC, I regret to inform you that your services will not be needed. You can have the title, but you won’t do anything, for there will be no prison camps. All those that you have listed will “dissapear.”
aaaaaarrgg, I’m sorry but Antartica is where my evil underground lair will be.
KRC, since you are good at designing stuff, you can design my underground lair. You will now and forever be known as “Chief Architect of Big Stuff.”
Happy Scrappy Hero Pup, the title is your’s.
Sweet. I’d like to draw 6 million out of Petty Cash to buy beer, vegetable oil, a seventeen-acre Twister mat, and commandeer Nebraska for a weekend.
I’ll also need two or three minions to review headshots and physical statistics of the player applicants
Do I need to fill out a voucher?
I’m sorry, I cannot allow that sort of thing, becuase I know that after you are done, you will not have any energy left to fullfill your duties. I will allow you a two-acre Twister mat and 1 million dollars for mentioned supplies.
Rand Mcnally , it is written that you may never be ruler of the world until you complete your…
wait for it…
Map Quest…
I hereby nominate quietman1920 as Court Jester & Official Food Taster.
off to ponder strategies to best tell Trigonal Planar that the plan to dislocated Canada via outboard motors & explosives probably won’t work, then wrestle control and exchange it for Iceland
my liege, sir mcnally, what praytell is up for grabs then?
aaaaaarrgg, if cold and solitude is what you want, I will grant you control over Siberia. Your title will be “Mr. Freezing bottoms.” Such a non-threatening name will put dissenters at a false sense of security, that’s when you strike.
Peg , I was just working up to delivering this speech.
(speakers on Low)
quietman, that’s a gem!
“No human would stack books like this.”
Arugh.
“No human being would stack books like this.”
Fine, if outboard motors won’t work, I shall mount the world’s tallest crow’s nest at the centre of the provience, and with giant sails unfurled, I shall sail her across the mighty oceans to victory!
Oh God. fidget
Sounds painful.
You have no idea.