So I bought a house last week. Pretty cool. Amend that: WAY cool.
I went next door to my neighbor’s house to tell them that we’re moving. They are pleasant people, they’ve been expressing how sad they are that we’re leaving, we’re such nice quiet neighbors. We’ve always had a friendly but cordial relationship.
They invite me in, and I warm to the topic of my great little house, and I mention that it’s beautifully decorated, we’re buying it from a gay couple, one of whom is a costumer.
Then my neighbor, Harry, says [giles] exactly the most appalling thing he could have said [/giles]: “Oh, you’re buying it from gay guys? Well, make sure you sterilize the whole thing before you move in. They have sex everywhere and they have all kinds of diseases.”
I had absolutely no clue that for the past four years I had been living next to a perfect asshole. He said this to me absolutely without shame or apology. His wife volunteered that, wonder of wonders, he reserves his homophobic hostility for male homosexuals exclusively, lesbians are hot. And that she herself ignores the whole matter, since her childhood best friend was a gay guy. Well, gee, I’m glad you managed to overlook it, especially sinc eyou have to fuck the guy and everything, but I’m pleased to note that I have no such need or desire.
While I didn’t see the point in making a giant stink about it, I did tell him he was a hypocrite and I was glad I didn’t know this about him before and now that I do I’m glad I’m moving. But I said it with enough of a joking attitude in my delivery that we don’t need to declare war our last two months on the block.
I still can’t get over the fact that anyone, but most particularly someone in 2003, someone who lives in LA, and someone who lives next to ME, could say such a perfectly awful thing without the slightest shame. Really. I’m astonished.
On the other hand, I’m delighted to contemplate the fact that my house and my move couldn’t be any more gay. I’m buying from gay guys. My agent is gay. Their agent is gay. The mortgage broker is gay. My agent lives down the street from me, and we both live down the street from some of the biggest gay bars in the valley.
And as a result, MY property values are going to go through the roof while Harry’s will languish. Living well is the best revenge.