Boyfriend spending money he shouldn't, what do I do?

[dngnb8]

@drewtwo99

And I appreciate ALL the comments, even the “offensive” ones (I’m not offended). I appreciate it being pointed out that I was being manipulative, because looking back on it, I suppose I was.

I wish to emphasize, I wasnt flaming you. Just pointing out what it looked like to me.

I should be more careful about saying I want things, even if I do follow it up with a “we can’t afford this” type of conversation, which I did after bringing up the symphony thing. This is IMHO anyhow, and I don’t expect everyone to treat me with kid gloves!

Especially if he is likely to comply. I think once you two move in together in a committed relationship and share the costs, things will be different. Your relationship is still new, and statements like this in a new relationship can generate this response.

But like I said earlier, I agree with the consensus and I’m not going to bring up any sort of dissatisfaction over the symphony tickets. I will enjoy it and love our time together. He does have a history of spending money on things that I sometimes feel is a “waste” or a “luxury”, but like I also said, he’s not in collections or on the brink of collapse.

I dont think I said you shouldnt enjoy yourself. In fact, I said you should return the favor.

I was really just concerned because he brings up to me from time to time that he “can never seem to make any progress on paying off my credit cards” and this symphony ticket purchase was just one in a line of things spending money a bit frivolously. But they are never BIG ticket purchases, like someone said, just 1 zero in the amount. He bought a new TV for our bedroom… that almost never gets used. He bought a pretty nice road bicycle, that he has only used a handful of times and REALLY didn’t need. He eats out daily. Etc, etc, etc.

From my perspective, this isnt unusual with single people. For instance, its hard to cook for oneself day in and day out. Im a hobby chef, but I really dont enjoy cooking unless there is someone there to share it. When you two move in together, then you can have more influence over this. Make food for left overs so you can take them for lunch at work daily (that is what I do). This will save a bundle on eating out. If youre going to live together long term, household finances have to be a team effort. If youre living together and keep everything budgeted separately, then you have little say in his fiscal condition outside of loving concern.

[lance_strongarm]

@ratatoskK

My ex-husband racked up a HUGE credit card problem by spending a bit here and there. Then he would take out an extra credit card to pay off the first one, etc. and with all the late fees and so forth he was in serious trouble. I mean he owed $40,000 and there wasn’t much to show for it. We took money out of his retirement to pay them off and then he just did the same thing over again. So before you actually get married you might want to sort this out.

Sorry to be a bummer but I got burned this way and I hope it doesn’t happen to anyone else!

Okay, along comes a good reason NOT to get married.

[markdash]

@lance_strongarm

Okay, along comes a good reason NOT to get married.

… to a person who has no clue how to manage their personal finances.

[lance_strongarm]

@markdash

… to a person who has no clue how to manage their personal finances.

Right.

A good reason to live together a while first to make sure your partner knows how to manage his/her finances, perhaps?

[elbows]

but have no legal protection for that relationship.

Also patently untrue.

Er, um, palimony, child support, still applies in the exact same fashion.

[lance_strongarm]

@elbows

Also patently untrue.

Er, um, palimony, child support, still applies in the exact same fashion.

Perhaps palimony. But other than that?

There are many legal differences between being married and not.

Child support is about a child, not a marriage.

[MandaJo]

@dngnb8

I dont think I said you shouldnt enjoy yourself. In fact, I said you should return the favor.

I just want to point out that this can also lead to an unhealthy pattern: basically, Bob and Joe both have things they really want and can’t afford. So Bob buys Joe expensive toys, and then Joe has to return the favor. They both get want they want, but instead of feeling guilty, they both feel proud of themselves for being so generous and unselfish. And then when the car breaks down or something and they can’t afford to fix it, they both secretly resent each other because in their hearts of hearts each knows that he never spends a penny on himself, but only on the other guy.

Not saying this is happening here, but I have seen it other places.