Having been on the other end of that story, if you want to cause her the minimum of emotional distress, be short and to the point. Unless I’m being whooshed or something, the options you have listed all seem a tad passive/aggressive.
Of course, if the whole relationship is so burnt out that you don’t care what she thinks, I guess anything goes.
Thiis may sound cowardly, but I began the “breaking up” process of one relationship by writing him a note. Some people prefer the face-to-face approach, but knowing how he was and how he would take it, I felt that starting off with a written word - where I could say what needed to be said without him interupting me - was the way to go.
It sorta worked. For three months he kept trying to woo me back, I’d tell him no and he’d get mad at me for not playing along. But at least I said everything I needed to say in the letter, even if he didn’t believe me right away.
I would definately like to read some details to give you the best strategic way possible.
If you don’t care about the aftermath than you can be as rude or as cruel as you want (although I’m not saying this should be the way but it is an option)
It’s always best to be up front and blunt. State that you don’t want to be in the relationship. Give a short reason why( if too elaborate you might leave room for rebutle or begging and pleaing). Say that you wish her luck and then get the heck out of dodge.
Just be honest, playing head games so that YOU don’t have to deal with any “hassle” is mean and childish.
If she’s been a long term girlfriend you must have some feeling for her right? So do her a favor, just tell her. You don’t have to be insulting about it, like “sorry you’re not good enough”. Just tell her, something like “I’m sorry, it’s over, I need to {fill in the blank} and you’re not part of that plan”.
Be definite, and matter of fact, and above all, do NOT play some game as in the suggestions you put in the OP.
Yeah, she’s likely to cry, and it’s likely to be painful and/or a hassle for you.
But if you do it in some "sneaky’ way, designed to get you out of it without a hassle, all that’s going to do is leave her with no “closure”.
And guess what? Lacking that closure she’s liable to keep coming back to you trying to figure out why, to get answers as to why it ended etc etc.
So, I guess the question is, do you want a quick, (albeit probably painful scene, that likely WILL be a “hassle” at the time) or do you want it to be a long drawn out thing where she keeps calling for weeks or months afterward trying to figure out “what happened”?
Be an adult. Tell her it’s over, and as gently as possible, tell her why. And give her a fair head’s-up that it’s coming: “Honey, we need to talk.”
Failing that, drop hints that you’d like to do a three-way with her and her best cute girlfriend. That’ll probably end the relationship. Worst-case scenario? You’ll have a three-way with her and her best cute girlfriend!
Please tell me the OP is not a wuss. Those are all wuss ways to get out of a relationship. A person who does something like that needs to get some balls fast!
Be honest with her but be firm about it. Don’t go back for break up sex. Just cut the lines cleanly.
My advice, be gentle and tell her that it’s over. With a sock puppet. Make sure it’s the one with the googly eyes that jiggle around though, I forgot that one time and whhooo!
Tell her that you consider it imperative to introduce threesomes with other women into the relationship. She agrees, you get to have fun. She disagrees, you get to break up.
